… and then Gonzo (the purple guy with the big nose, not the Arizona outfielder with the big biceps) comes out and blows his trumpet… And welcome everybody to yet another edition of The Full Monty Fantasy Baseball League! Kermit the Frog here, er, better make that The Commish here, and boy do we have a show for you this season! So as the song says, "let's get things started", shall we? Ray Boyce, could I have 30 minutes on the microwave timer please…

First off, let's have a huge round of applause for Don Cardoza for finding a new larger (and hopefully semi-permanent) space for the draft! Plenty of room to spread out, shorter drive times for most, and of course, the biggest advantage of them all, high enough ceilings to house the new and improved (and much larger) Draft Board! I'd say Draft Day '04 was a huge success, wouldn't you? Record setting and near perfect attendance notwithstanding (we did miss you Joe C, Matt and Chuck), we clocked in at just a tad under six (6) hours, allowing most of us (and hopefully you too Fred) to make it home for the ending of the UConn/Duke Final Four game. Don, we're sorry to say this, but if you ever decide to move, we're going to have to strip you of your franchise! Unless of course, some other league member sublets your condo so we still have rights to the clubhouse. For his efforts Don will heretofore be known as Donnie Draft Day while his co-owner Marc D'Allesandro, loses the Andro nickname (can't be calling a guy Andro with the BALCO trial hanging over our heads), and until further notice will simply be "Mark with a C"…

For those of you who might not have been paying close attention on Draft Day, besides the usual Red Sox/Yankee wager between Walt and Brian, we also had some proposition bets posted that turned out like this. The over/under on The Commish's wardrobe changes +/- 2, the actual number was 3. First there was the 'Roid Rage team sleeveless jersey worn over the green t-Shirt with accompanying A's cap. (Speaking of Roid Rage, the defending champs are once again in first place! Can nothing stop this juggernaut? Sorry Kev, big word, might have to look that one up!) Next it was a quick change into a black Mets t-shirt and matching orange cap. And finally, a switch into a blue Iguana Joe's shirt and retro 1977 Montreal Expos cap. We're sorry to say however, that due to a "wardrobe malfunction" (Joe claims he saw nipple through all that chest hair!), all bets were taken off the board and along with Kevin Kelly's mouth, put on a 5 second delay…

Speaking of bets, while the rest of us were busy with our heads buried in Draft charts and lists, Ray "R&R Express" Boyce chose to peruse The Daily Racing Form instead! While seemingly innocent enough, this led to much confusion later on in the draft as the 3rd base position got real thin and Ray tried to draft Seabiscuit as his corner infielder. Other miscues involved drafting Angel Cordero instead of Wil Cordero and Pat Day instead of Zach Day. It all turned out OK in the end though, after it was explained to Ray that the Triple Crown did not consist of leading the league in homers and RBIs, plus winning the Belmont Stakes…

To Guy Caruso I say "Nice Draft Pretty Boy!", as with an average selection time of under 45 seconds per pick, I think we've found out who really causes all the drafting delays on this team. By the way, where was Joe? I thought he was catering the draft?… Has Neil gotten to the draft yet? Just checking… Two "old faces" this year whom we haven't seen in quite awhile. Brian "Genco" Boghosian and Joe-bu Mastrangelo made their first drafts in some time and both took a similar route through the first two rounds. Brian got his men, nabbing Pedro and Schilling one-two (and later getting Tim Wakefield as well!), while Joe went Gagne-Prior, much to the chagrin of his absent partner Chuck who wanted hitting. Cries of "F**k you Joe, I'll do it myself next year" means that the bloom's already off the rose with these two, and this kind of infighting doesn't usually happen until week 10 with these guys! Let's keep an eye on these two, this could get good. Oh and before leaving this paragraph, it's worth noting that Brian Boghosian has hired Grady Little to play the role of Moe Green in the Genco Olive Oil franchise…

Last year's runner-up, Fred "Sox" Laberge, finds himself in the possibly enviable position of last place after week one. Can you say "I'll take Urbina"? Hopefully Fred's got an injured pitcher to use if the opportunity does arise. Actually from what I hear, Fred's not too happy with this team right now. In fact, he's a little sad. Or should we just call him the "Marquis de Sad"? After all with a roster containing Marquis Grissom and Jason Marquis, how could we call him anything else?… Despite the early season jinx of once again being in first place after three days worth of stats were calculated, Cousin Brucie Lerman (no relation to The Commish despite the cousin moniker), vows to go worst-to-first this season as Bruce's Bombers are well equipped for flight. A few less Mets, and a pitching staff that makes you go "hmmmm" featuring CC "Music Factory" Sabathia, could have Bruce dancing with the Wolf Pack in the upper decks at the Phillie's new stadium come summer time…

Anyone heard from Neil yet? What's that? He'll be here in 10 minutes? OK, I'm down with that… Sitting in the upper right corner of the room, we had the Flinn Brothers, Mikey F and Reverend Jim Flinn (all the way up from Virginia I might add!) with assistant Sean manning the Draft Day PC (or his GameBoy Advanced, depending on where we were in the round). With possibly the best logo in the league, Down Goes Zimmer looks like they've got plenty of speed and maybe too much Houston Astros pitching. Remind me again Mike, exactly when does that train come out at Enron, er, Minute Maid Park?… Also joining them at the table was Kevin "The Hat" Shanley, who, if you look at the standings this first week, actually has more batting points than pitching points for the first time since the middle of the 2002 season! Shunning last year's all-pitching strategy (he made his point and Kevin Kelly did sport the Mo jersey for about 3 and a half minutes and posed for a picture), The Hat did consider going with something a little more challenging, toying with the idea of drafting an All-Pirates team. However, once he found out that Johnny Depp was not eligible at catcher and Jason Kendall was taken, he quickly scrapped those plans…

Manning the 16th corner pick with laser like precision, Brian Legere has his Lost In Rotation squad just a shade out of the money as the season begins. A reluctance to go "Matsui-Matsui" on the Round 7-Round 8 turn left us all a little disappointed ("Double Matsui with Rice, five-twenty-nine, you have penny?"), and I must admit the selections of head case Armando Benitez and Wild Thing Oliver Perez definitely have this aptly named rotation quite lost. Although, Armando's five saves are looking quite nice right now, aren't they bro? So who's on the trading block? Come on, we're all waiting with baited breath for the first e-mail…

Did I get to everyone yet? Oh wait, I've forgotten about the rest of our out-of-towners. Jim Kalach and Dennis Milewski made the drive down from Connecticut (along with the previously mentioned Marquis de Fred). Somewhere on the drive down I think the decision was made to really stick the knife in the backs of the Red Sox fans this season. These two franchises team names are Boone-Doggle (Jim's team, complete with a line of team apparel available on this web site) and the Killer B's, which Dennis tells me stands for "Babe, Bucky, Buckner and Boone", not "Bonds, BALCO, bye-bye and brink" as I originally suspected. With apologies to Brian, Dennis' team should actually be called Lost in Translation, as he has his usual array of Japanese relievers (Hasegawa, Otsuka) just raring to go.

And last and certainly least we've got two "wild and crazy" guys, or should that be "Wild Eyed Southern Boys" who traveled up from below the Jim Mason - Otis Nixon line. I'm talkin' bout Intentional Walt Cherniak, who made the drive up from Maryland and Chatahoochie Doug Quat who "thrust" himself into attendance by once again flying in from Atlanta, Georgia, home of the Braves and the land of a free Ray Lewis. Hope you had a good time at the draft, y'all come back now y'here…

Now that everyone's gotten their props, I think I'm going to call it a column for this week. Before I leave, a quick puzzle "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" style. Put these players in the order they were drafted with undrafted players appearing last in the list. Rafael "Viagra" Palmeiro, Woody Williams, Kerry Wood, and Rod Barajas. If you were paying attention at the draft, and weren't laughing too hard in Round 7, you'll recall that we went over this list already.

Good luck to everyone this season! Next week, we'll begin with the Major League Baseball ramblings. Hey Kalach, sometime in the next few weeks I'm expecting a season-opening song parody from The Piano Man, start writing Jim… 'til next week…