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What a difference a week makes, eh? This time last week the Mets were 0 - 5 and were looking like Joe Pesci at the end of “Casino”, stunned with the realization that they were digging their own grave. Their cross-town rival Yankees on the other hand, had deftly handled the defending champion Red Sox, overcoming some minor Mariano mishaps along the way. Cut to seven days later and we see that the Mets have risen like Lazarus from that very same grave, winners of six straight while the Yankees had descended into the depths of last place Hell (well at least it seemed like Hell as they had Devil Rays swimming above them). Now as we know, nothing’s permanent, as a matter of fact, as of press time the Mets have dropped two straight and the Yanks are savagely fighting their way through that swarm of D-Rays, so let’s regroup again next week and see, but for now, let’s talk about the Yankees, shall we? Oh where to start? Talk about kicking a man when he’s down (in last place I might add!). I think I’d like to start out with the fact that the Bronx Bombers went out and hired a full-time “motivational consultant” and then immediately went on a four game losing streak! So whose idea was it to create a position like this? Get me Costanza! So for the record, it’s Chad Bohling as the new “Head of Rah Rah” and Chad, please don’t try telling me this four-game losing streak is a good thing! While it might be for you (as you observe how the players react to such things), please consult Page 13 of your new Yankee Employee’s Handbook where it talks about getting George’s blood pressure up and the subsequent consequences for such actions. Of course, a 19-run whupping of the immortal Rob Bell and the D-Rays is always good for new employees… Speaking of George, nice of him to finally show up! I was beginning to worry that we’d actually lost the man. So with the Yanks showing signs of winning again (albeit against Tampa Bay), it looks like Mr. Bohling’s job is safe for now, moving him ahead of Stump Merril, Bucky Dent and Dallas Green on the tenure chart. Unless of course, come Monday everything is not alright (with apologies to Jimmy Buffett for the stolen lyrics) and George fires his unmotivated motivational speaker and hires a new person to the position! Leading candidates being discussed include the ghost of Billy Martin, a resurrected Chris Farley a.k.a. motivational speaker Matt Foley (who was dead, in a van, down by the river), and Will Ferrrel as Craig the “Spartan Spirit” cheerleader… Moving back to on the field “action”, I wonder what it was actually like out there in the seats along the right field wall when Gary Sheffield and that fan got into their little “I was going for the ball, no you were trying to punch me in the face” semi-melee? Which leads me to our first Top 10 of the year! From the Home Office, in Denville, New Jersey, I present… Top 10 Things Overhead In The Rightfield Seats at Fenway Park And all this hostility just a day after A-Rod saves a boy from getting hit by a car when crossing a busy Boston thoroughfare (or as it’s pronounced locally “Thah-O-Fah”)! Good thing A-Rod was able to grab the boy from where he stood on the corner because based on the way he’s been playing 3rd base lately, if he had to go into the street, the car probably would’ve gone through his legs, allowing two runners to score, not to mention what would’ve become of the poor boy!... Who’s been paying attention to this Papal conclave? And what does this have to do with baseball you ask? Well that’s kind of obvious no? I mean with Tony LaRussa and the rest of the Cardinals locked up in the Sistine Chapel and all! For those of you who aren’t up to speed, its white smoke equals new Pope, black smoke equals no majority in the vote yet. Well either that or one of the cardinals got his robe a little too close to the candelabra! So as of lunch time on Tuesday it was “white smoking” in the boys’ room of Vatican City and that means we’ve got a new Pope! And the winner is? Bruce Benedict!? Really, the former Braves catcher is now the Holy See (or would that be the Holy C?) Oh, it’s not that guy? It’s that German dude Ratzinger (not to be confused with the guy who played Cliff on Cheers) who’s now taking the “official” papal name of Pope Benedict XVI? OK, that makes more sense. So XVI is Roman for sixteen, or as we like to say in French, “seize”, pronounced like “says” as in Pope Benedict Seize. Says what? I don’t know! Third base… Monday was Patriots’ Day in Boston and that means two things (neither of which have to do with Tom Brady by the way). First, plan on getting to the Cask N Flagon early as it’s an 11AM Red Sox tee time in Fenway and second, it’s Boston Marathon time! This year’s marathon was surprisingly NOT won by a Kenyan, but instead some guy from Ethiopia wins the race. Gee, guess they promised him a few hamburgers if he crossed the finish line first… Funny I thought Patriots’ Day was celebrated the last Sunday in January or first one in February after Adam Vinatieri kicks his annual game-winning Super Bowl field goal? Very confusing these New England holidays, I tell ya… In minor league (actually independent league) news, John Rocker has joined the Long Island Ducks, who play in the same Atlantic League as the Newark Bears (by the way Rickey says Rickey’s not sure if Rickey’s going to play another season for Rickey’s Bears). Rocker’s gonna play in New York! This is quite a turn of events, no? Can’t wait to here what he has to say about the folks that ride the Long Island Rail Road. “Well there’s this stockbroker in Armani sitting next to some accountant in plaid, right beside some coked up debutante making her way out to the Hamptons”… And finally, a contribution from Brian “Injectible” Legere, who has come up with an early season “all name” team. I’ll let Brian explain: “Here's something I thought about. This new crop of players has yielded some really cool and weird names. We are not talking Apple or Phinneaus here (and can I get a spell check from Cindy Crawford on that last one?), but these parents need to stop hitting the bottle when it comes time to ponder names. Let's see who we have, shall we? “ C - Yadier (Molina) - I keep picturing a Yakoff Smirnoff russian comedian guy! "America, What a country!" Thank you bro for the contribution to our fun, be sure keep ‘em coming throughout the year! And that’s all we’ve got time for this week folks. Thank you for coming and please drive home safely. Don’t forget to tip your waitresses, bartenders and the guy who suggested you draft Los Angeles Dodgers and Florida Marlins pitchers! ‘til next week…
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