Well the violence continues in baseball this week as yet another fight has made the news. It all began in Spring Training when the Angels and the Padres cleared the benches in a Cactus League game. Then during the season's first week we had Cleveland Indians pitcher Chuck Finley and his lovely wife Tawny Kitaen in a little "domestic dispute". The following week brought us the Pirate's Aramis Ramirez charging the mound after Milwaukee's Ben Sheets drilled him in the gluteus maximus. And now, this week comes news that Colorado pitcher Mike James got into a fight with the Cincinnati cab driver who was bringing him to his road game at Cinergy Field. The story according to James is that he said the cab driver went in the wrong direction after picking him up from the team's downtown hotel, heading past Paul Brown Stadium and away from Cinergy Field. "I made him turn around so it wasn't expensive," James said. "He took exception to my choice of words." James had scrapes above his eye, on his cheek and along the side of his neck following the fight. He also tore his pants.

OK, bench clearing brawls from hit batsmen I can see, but wives beating up husbands and middle relievers beating up cab drivers? This is baseball not the freakin' World Wide Wrestling Federation! Bud Selig, not Vince McMahon. Triple H is a three-hit night, not the heavyweight champion! Baseball's got Kurt Ainsworth, not Kurt Angle. We're talking Kane Davis taking over a game in middle relief here folks, not Kane and his brother the Undertaker. Austin Kearns, stone cold at the plate not Stone Cold Steve Austin. And we certainly don't smell what Rock Raines is cookin'! Let's just hope this stuff cools down for awhile before someone actually gets hurt. Unless of course we could find a way to unleash ex-WWF'er Jesse "The Body" Ventura on Bud Selig over this whole contraction of the Twins issue…

From fighting and violence let's move on to more peaceful issues as we read that The Pope (do I capitalize the T? I never know…), has addressed all the Cardinals this past week in Rome. I'm not sure if they discussed the whole altar boy molestation thing but I do know that His Holiness was very upset with Tony LaRussa, telling the St. Louis manager that his starting pitchers should be in a lot better physical condition and that he's adopting a "zero tolerance" policy from now on. Should another Cardinal starter go on the DL, Tony's, and I quote, "outta here"…

I know it's old news by now, but I never reported on the Milwaukee Brewers firing of head coach Davey "Left Eye" Lopes. Sorry about the tasteless Bermanism there, but the timing of Davey Lopes getting fired around the same time that TLC singer Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes dies in a car crash in Honduras is just too good to pass up! Guess the Brewers didn't want "No Scrubs" in their dugout. We wish Davey the best in the future and can only tell him to Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls" in his effort to land another job. The firing of Lopes (Davey) makes him the second manager canned already this season, following Detroit replacing Phil Garner with ex-catcher Luis Pujols. Anyone know what these two guys have in common besides being crummy field generals on small market teams? Yep, that's right, they were both second basemen in their playing days. Two managers fired, both second basemen? Hmmm, I think all those backup catchers turned managers are up to something… If I was Twins manager Ron Gardenhire, that's right, ex-Mets second sacker, I'd be afraid, very afraid. I bet you a dollar that if you look hard enough, you'll find that Lenny Webster and Matt Nokes have been seen hanging out by the Metrodome.

And in a related story, the bell has tolled in Colorado, as the Rockies have fired manager Buddy Bell (one game at 2B in 1986 for the Reds) and replaced him with hitting coach Clint Hurdle, a former third string catcher for the Mets and Cardinals. And before I leave this paragraph, yes, I do realize that the new manager of the Brewers is former infielder Jerry Royster, who is not a backup catcher, but Royster is currently the "interim" manager and does anyone else wanna bet that Charlie Moore and Darrell Porter are just putting the finishing touches on their resumes?

Last week there was must rejoicing in Beantown as Derek Lowe threw the season's first no-hitter for the Red Sox, matching the feat of Hideo Nomo who last season threw baseball's first no-hitter, also while wearing a Red Sox uniform. Never a city to be outdone by Boston, New York pitchers tried their hardest to match Lowe's no-hit feat, but to no avail. The best they could do were Mets pitchers Shawn Estes and Pedro Astacio who both carried no-no's into the eighth and Yankees pitcher Ted "Pictures Of" Lilly, who (hold on I can't let this go. Do you get it? Pictures Of Lilly, followed by the word "Who"?)… As I was saying, Yankees pitcher Ted Lilly, who threw a one-hitter against the Mariners but still lost 1 - 0. One-hitter and lost? Can you say Andy Hawkins? They'll probably have a feature on that on the Yes Network this week…

Turning to league business, for the third time in four weeks we've got a new leader as Don and Mike have Kramerica on top of the standings after a "plus twenty" offensive surge this past week… Kudos to Kevin Kelly for realizing last Monday night that it was getting perilously close to the transaction deadline and having the wherewithal to call me from the neigborhood Brooklyn deli to make his transactions. Thanks Kev, I unreserved Troy Percival for you, and all I get is a lousy pastrami on rye? You were in New York, why couldn't you get me one of those new Mo Vaughn tribute sandwiches, the Mo-Licious?

And finally, our first trade of the season has occurred and no, Trader Neil is not involved. Guy Caruso, owner of Vandalay Industries, didn't want to be outdone by rival Kramerica and decided to make the sheet also this week by trading Andy Sheets to Intentional Walt for Mets middle reliever Scott Strickland. After hearing about the trade, Aramis Ramirez immediately charged the home of Guy Caruso… Well that's all we've got for now, be sure to tune back in next week when in light of Chuck Finley's recent filing for divorce we ask the question, which is the more wholesome family, the Osbornes or the Cleavers? 'til next week…