We begin this week's column with an update from last week's column. Yes folks, we're talking murder! Murder in the Cubs minor league system! The gory details, dateline Daytona Beach…

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. -- The daddy osprey hit with a baseball allegedly thrown by a minor league pitcher has died, officials said. Ozzy the osprey died Sunday at the Audubon Birds of Prey Center in Maitland, said Lynda White, a spokeswoman at the center. The bird was one of a breeding pair that lived for years on a 40-foot light pole in left field at Jackie Robinson Ballpark. Witnesses said Jae Kuk Ryu, a 19-year-old South Korean pitcher for the Class A Daytona Cubs, tried several times during pre-game practice April 21 to knock the osprey from its perch with a baseball before finally hitting it. At the time, Ozzy was nesting with its mate and a brood of fuzzy chicks. Ryu was charged Thursday by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission with harming a protected bird. The second-degree misdemeanor carries a maximum fine of $500 and 60 days in jail. Commission officials said Monday that the death doesn't affect the charges. Ryu was later demoted to the Class A Lansing Lugnuts of the Midwest League. Cubs general manager Buck Rogers said Ryu was remorseful. Ospreys are recognized by the state as a species of special concern, meaning their habitats are vulnerable. The bird's mate, Harriet, will raise her chicks and probably take a new mate next season, White said. Another osprey already has been seen at the park, helping feed the babies.

A-ha! And I quote: "Another osprey already has been seen at the park, helping feed the babies"… So soon? The body's not even cold yet! Can you say conspiracy? I have this sinking feeling that Harriet was not to pleased with her mate Ozzy, basically a dead beat bird, sitting on top of a 40 foot pole all day watching Cubs minor league baseball. So, one day this other fine and fancy osprey, we'll call him Scott, happens to fly by the stadium and Harriet thinks of a way out! Knowing how minor leaguers, especially 19 year olds, could always use a little extra pocket change, Harriet gets Scott the osprey to fly down to the beach and steal a 20-spot from someone's beach bag. Then, she offers the Korean kid the cash to knock Ozzie off his perch. Notice throughout this whole ordeal, no chicks were harmed even though they also lived on the very same 40 foot perch as Ozzy the now dead osprey. Coincidence? I think not! So now Harriet's living happily with Scott on the pole, Jae Kuk's a Lansing Lugnut facing possible time in Oz, but he's $20 richer, and the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission is screaming fowl, er foul! I say we climb that pole and run Harriet downtown for some questioning down at the station! As for the "other osprey", Scott claims he was fishing in the bay at the time of the crime but before recently returning to the perch at Jackie Robinson Ballpark, he was last seen flying near the border of Mexico, sporting a new Van Dyke beard and carrying $3,000 in his beak…

Can you believe I just did like half a page on an osprey murder? So when did The Commish become Phillip Marlowe? Anyway, back to some baseball on what has obviously been a slow news week… The players union has voted in favor of having home field advantage in the World Series go to the league that wins the All Star Game. OK, I can go for that, but have you read the fine print? It says that should the game once again end in a tie, the entire World Series will be played during the day, it'll become a best of 15, and it'll be played entirely on Bud Selig's front lawn… Financially troubled AOL/Time Warner has apparently decided it's time to sell the Atlanta Braves, and they've hired an investment bank to help them with the sale of the ball club. Oh great, so now every morning the AOL/Time Warner chairman logs on to his e-mail, clicks on the mail box icon and hopes to hear "Welcome! You've Got Sale!"…

If the Mets and the Tigers met in inter-league play at Comerica Park and a tree fell in the forest with no one around, both at the exact same time, which would make more noise, the falling tree or the 10 fans left in the stadium at Comerica? Speaking of the Mets, I see that Mo Vaughn has landed on the DL with a knee injury. Well, what most fans don't know is how Mo got that injury. You see, one day after the game, Vaughn was partaking of the post-game buffet and while he thought he was munching on a leg of lamb, he was really chomping down on "the leg of Mo"! "Take human bites!"…

Congratulations to Fred Sox owner Fred Laberge, who unofficially has taken over the league lead in grandchildren, with two. If any owner feels they have a claim to that top spot please write in and let me know, I'm still having trouble counting all the children that are being born to our league owners, heaven knows I can't keep track of all the grand-children too! Oh, and sorry Fred, since "grandchildren" isn't an official offensive category you can't get the extra 16 points… In other league news Guy Caruso has in consecutive seasons now owned both Coco Crisp and Kiko Calero. What's in a name you say (and how can we forget the famous Seinfeld with "Dolores!")? Well next season Guy's already got his sights set on drafting C.C. Sabathia! Coco, Kiko and C.C.? Who of course are then followed by Kukla, Fran and Ollie and then the Ozzie and Harriet show, no the humans, not the ospreys…

And now a story of true fantasy baseball friendship. Monday morning I get an e-mail from Donnie Rotisserie Baseball (a.k.a. Don Cardoza for those of you who don't read this column regularly), who tells me the He-Man Yankee Haters would like to reserve Wife-Beater Lugo and add Royce Clayton to their roster and if Royce wasn't available, to take Rey Ordonez instead! Well, also "cc'ed" on the message was Don's He-Man Yankee Haters Club co-owner Marc D'Alles(androstenedione), who replied back immediately if not sooner, voiding the possible Ordonez selection and deftly inserting Felipe Lopez into the list! You see folks the moral of this story is that "friends don't let friends draft Rey Ordonez"… And now I'll leave you as I throw up my hands and "Shout!" about how the same Yankee Haters also selected Expos pitcher Zach Day this week. Zach Day and the Nights, "Otis my man! He loves us!" "Toss a little bit softer now, a little bit softer now… Throw a little bit louder now, a little bit louder now…" 'til next week…