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We'll continue the season with our blog-type columns. Whenever the mood strikes, be it stats night on Monday, the middle of a West Coast game on Wednesday night, or maybe even a Friday morning before I leave for work, I'll come here and post entries. Sometimes it will be a paragraph or two, sometimes longer. I'll make sure I put a date on everything so you can easily tell what's new from what you may have already read. So feel free to come to this page often, or continue checking in once a week as the stats update, to check out and catch up on the latest entries in what I hope to be a season long blog. If anyone else has anything to contribute, I'll be more than happy to post it here, with all credit given to the author of course. And if we get one of our infamous 20+ reply e-mail threads going, I may also opt to copy that into this space as well so it's saved for all posterity. August 25th, 2010 Come to this league for the competition, but once you fall out of contention stay for the News & Notes! Good to see Eddie Behind The Glass is still a loyal reader and my call for a long overdue "Ed-dendum" has been answered. So without further ado, from the Home Office of Ed K in beautiful downtown Fair Lawn, NJ, here's a few more Schoolhouse Rock episodes for everyone, including his tackling of the "Interplanet Janet Galaxy Girl" challenge... “A Noun is a Person, Place, or Thing” – A Cartoon tribute to New York Mets pitcher Jon Niese who, based on the pronunciation of his name, could technically qualify as all three. “Preamble” – New York sports fans stand up for their rights and in order to form a more perfect union refuse to pay for football PSLs or overpriced Yankee tickets. “Elbow Room” – Cartoon versions of Chris Carpenter, Shawn Marcum, and Edison Volquez educate children on the history of Tommy John surgery. Special guest appearance by Tommy himself and a voice-over by Dr. James Andrews. “Interjection” – A follow up cartoon with Ozzie Guillen starting all sentences with four letter words. “Ready or Not Here I Come” – Hal Steinbrenner gets ready for next year’s free agency blitz by counting up the dough in the Yankees slush fund by millions…”5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40…” and finally... "Interplanet Janet" - The educational story of young Janet Foxx who lives exactly midway between New York and Boston. Since she can't decide weather to join Red Sox Nation or Yankee Universe she decides to sleep with both Dustin Pedroia and Nick Swisher to see who's better. She eventually becomes a Mets fan. August 24th, 2010 The shot heard round the world... Was the start of the Revolution right? Well it is if you were raised on a healthy diet of Saturday morning cartoons and Schoolhouse Rock. However, if you're a fan of baseball history, you know the real Shot Heard Round the World was Bobby Thomson's dramatic homer off of Ralph Branca to win the 1951 National League pennant for the New York Giants. Again, for you Schoolhouse Rockers out there, the New York Giants were a baseball team, not a football team. Well they were both actually, kind of like Dan Akroyd's floor wax and dessert topping... Well as most of you already know by now, Bobby Thompson died this week at the age of 86, which has inspired this week's front page poll about the most dramatic home run in MLB history and caused quite the lively debate as well as I've been chastised for leaving out a few of the obviously significant ones. Cries of "What? No Joe Carter? Shame on you!" and "You left off Dent? You must be a Mets fan!" abound and I've atoned for my sins by adding those onto the list for your voting pleasure. By the way, a factoid about Thompson that some of you may not know is that he was born in Glasgow, Scotland. One of a handful of major leaguers born in the country of The Royal Mile, the only other one of which you've probably heard of is Tom Waddell who pitched briefly for the Indians on the mid 80s, the rest were born in the 19th century, seemingly right about the same time as that other famous Scotsman, Groundskeeper Willie from "The Simpsons". I'll leave the land of William Wallace and "Highlander" with a joke. Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because a keen sheep can hear a zipper open from a hundred yards away! {rim shot. Thank you I'm here 'til Thursday} Now back to the Schoolhouse Rock angle... Come for the baseball story, but stay for the pop culture! Aside from this whole "Shot Heard Round The World" connection, I got to thinking what other potentially confusing tie-ins could there be between the Saturday morning educational cartoon and the annals of baseball history and I came up with these: "Three Is A Magic Number", is Reggie Jackson in all his animated splendor as we sing our way through that famous multi-homer World Series game against the Dodgers in 1977. "Guy named Reggie really hits 'em baby, and he hit three, and that's a magic number." "Zero My Hero", in which the kids learn all about the All Star career of Al Oliver who wore the circular number on the back of his jersey throughout his playing days. "I've Got Six", it's sing along with Antonio Alfonseca as he teaches the little ones how to count to six, using just one hand! This is followed up by a performance of "Little Twelvetoes" where Alfonseca teaches everyone about the necessity of wearing cleats on the baseball field. "No More Kings", where we surprisingly discover that there's is currently no one on a major league roster with the surname of King. Appearances in animated form from King Kelly, Clyde King, Dave Kingman, Jeff King and Eugene Kingsale representing the various eras of baseball where there was a "royal" presence. "Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Get Your Adverbs Here", former major leaguers catcher Sherm Lollar and pitcher Tim Lollar "cheerfully" and "happily" instruct the class about the bond that forms between battery mates. Cliff Lee, Derek Lee, Travis Lee and Lee Lacy also join in the fun. "Conjunction Junction" what's your function? Tony LaRussa introduces toddlers to the concept of bullpen management. "...Hooking up phrases and pitching to lefties..." "I'm Just A Bill", is renamed "I'm Just A Wil" and features Washington Nationals players Wil Nieves, Wilson Ramos and Willie Harris "just sitting there on Capitol Hill" and singing about waiting patiently for Stephen Strasburg to get healthy again. "Interplanet Janet", in which I'm just trying to see if you're paying attention because I can't find a way to tie the name Janet to anything baseball related. But we haven't had an "Ed-dendum" in some time so perhaps someone else can? She's a galaxy girl after all! "Unpack Your Adjectives", is a bilingual extravaganza in which an animated Ozzie Guillen (and I mean animated in all senses of the word) rants through a post-game press conference. Come to think of it, we may want to keep the children away from this one... August 20th, 2010 Staying with this week's theme of "tough guys" and things that are "expendable"... Don't worry this will not be a movie review from Kevin Kelly or those clowns from "Jersey Shore" but that does fit the theme now doesn't it? Actually let me amend that last statement a tad, there are clowns involved in this circus. Happy day folks as Roger Clemens has finally been indicted on those perjury charges and will soon face trail for lying to Congress about his (do I still need to use the word "alleged" here?) use of performance enhancing drugs. Now according to "Webster" (the dictionary guy that is, not former Orioles catcher Lenny or journeyman outfielder Mitch), the word "indicted" does not mean "guilty", it just means that enough folks manning the velvet rope of the legal system think he's the same lying sack of poopoo that the rest of us do so his case can now proceed to a formal trial and/or an upcoming television episode of "Law And Order:PED". So when Roger does his next "perp walk" you think he'll pop out of the back of a crowded Volkswagen Beetle and be sporting those really large flappy shoes with the orange jumpsuit? Or will he prefer to maintain just a little bit of fashion decorum and arrive in the bullpen car with the large cap on the roof and break out the new Mitchell & Ness "throw back" prison garb with the gradient filled varying shades of orange stripes a la his hometown Astros uniforms from the late 70s? Either way I think Roger's in for a long, drawn out mess. Wait, I better not give him any ideas. Next thing we'll be hearing is him pleading "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way", which of course will then be followed by a copyright infringement suit from Jessica Rabbit. Things may actually turn out for the better with Clemens on this one. When all is said and done, perhaps he'll get to continue doing the thing he loves the most? Well, the "second most" actually as I don't believe they allow mirrors in the prison cells these days do they? I'm talking about The Rocket Man, much like the elder Spaceman Bill Lee himself, getting to prolong his pitching career well into his Social Security years. Wild thing, you make my heart sing! Now pitching, for the California Penal League (heh, heh, he said "penal"! Shut up Beavis!), number 22, Roger... Clemens... number 22. But first, ladies and gentlemen, would you please rise and join country music artist and current star of "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew" Mindy McCready as she sings our National Anthem... August 17th, 2010 The Washington Nationals have finally signed seventeen year old phenom Bryce Harper for a total package worth about $9.9 million dollars. That's a lot of money for a guy who can't even smoke, vote or go to an R rated movie yet isn't it? Ah, the kids these days... Staying with recent baseball signings but on the other side of the age spectrum we have a man who can go to any movie he wants at an AARP discount. Former Red Sock Bill Lee, 63 years old, has gone all Minoso and signed with a team called the Brockton Rox in the independent Can-Am league to pitch their season ending contest. Paraphrasing Elton John I'll just say "Spaceman, I think it's gonna be a long, long time..." In other independent league news, Jose Canseco has signed on for a stint with the Laredo Broncos of the "I'm Homeless and Need to Pay the Rent" League. At 46 years old Jose is close to the statistical midpoint between Harper and Lee. Did someone say Harper Lee? The classic "To Kill a Mockingbird" turns 50 years old this year and I'm left to wonder if a certain 13 year old William Lee might have been a reader of tale of Atticus Finch, Scout and Boo Radley? Speaking of muscle, elevated testosterone levels, old guys and the movies, how about this new action flick "The Expendables" which unites a veritable cornucopia of actors that reads like a first round draft of aging action heroes? Admittedly I haven't seen the movie yet but after seeing the trailer (think lots of things blowing up) it's on my short list for sure. Given the early buzz, I'm guessing the movie gross should match the value of Harper's overall contract on the first day of release. Here's a look at the cast, including a selection of movies they starred in that Bryce Harper's mom could've gone to see if she chose to get a babysitter for her newborn circa 1993. Straight out of Central Casting appear: Heck that's quite a list! All this movie's missing is Steven Segal, Jean Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris. Were those guys busy? How do you not get in this movie if you're them? This is the "We Are the World" of action cinema! Based on that analogy, I've got to go review the cast list on IMDB.com to see who our "Dan Akroyd" is... ...and after further review, I don't think there is one! Even "Cell Guard #2" looks like one tough hombre. But back to Dan. Don't you still wonder how Akroyd got a spot in the chorus or have you never noticed that he's even in there? Top of the riser on the left belting out "we are the ones who make a brighter day" with The Pointer Sisters, I swear. Almost the equivalent to Omar Infante making this year's MLB All Star Game. Well Infante does play baseball and Akroyd did have that stint as a Blues Brother so perhaps... Back to our regularly scheduled program... If the Geritol gymnastics of The Expendables don't make you want to go Fandango and get your ticket for the 8PM show there's also some youth in the cast as well. Not quite Bryce Harper young but still, we've got: Adding a little estrogen to the mix to offset all this testosterone, the movies even got Charisma Carpenter. She's old enough to have babysat for infant Bryce but would still be almost four years from her breakthrough appearance in TV's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel". Hmm, I'm imagining Cordelia Chase as my babysitter. Wow. Hold on a second, I'll be right back, there's something I need to take care of in the upstairs bathroom... Finally, touching on that Couture/Austin wrestling connection and teeing this all up into a neat little mess of a mental package, I wonder what the-man-I'm-sure-is-Bryce's-"dad" thinks of his deal with the Nats? You've seen the pictures of Harper with all the eye-black right? Anyone doubt he could be the illegitimate son of The Ultimate Warrior? Go ahead and Google some pictures of the two and dare tell me I'm wrong. And if you want to have a fight about it I've got Bill Lee, the undead fighting gang from Sunnydale and a bunch of toughs from the Siskel and Ebert set ready to back me up just meet me out back in the alley behind The Commish's Office... August 12th, 2010 Inspired by the Diamondbacks back-to-back-to-back-to-back jacks in last night's game against Milwaukee, The Commish is pumping out his fourth News & Notes entry in four days. Some random thoughts as we close out a nice week where the News & Notes finally got its mojo back... Word out of St. Louis is that the Cardinals are asking the Mets to trade them K-Rod before the next Reds series. Which should set up a nice K-Rod/Cueto duel in the octagon in the next UFC pay per view no? Let's be honest here, we've all wanted to smack our in-laws around at some point, but you can't assault your wife's father at the stadium dude! K, (can I call you K because you obviously whiffed on this one?), save the rough inter-family stuff for after Thanksgiving dinner when everyone's a bit sauced (or should that be "gravy-ed"?) and the rest are all passed out on the couch in a tryptophan coma so no one will notice... I see that Seattle has recently fired their manager and replaced him with Muppet Fozzie Bear, essentially going from Wakamatsu to "Waka Waka". Even Statler and Waldorf can appreciate that irony. Meanwhile in Baltimore the managerial Buck passes from Samuel to Showalter and what do you know, the O's are winning and on the road to becoming relevant again! Of course no on in Camden Yards has noticed yet as they're all still in varying states of shaking off the collective hangover from that recent Terrapin Station Night promotion... The TV show "The X-Files" always told us that "the truth is out there". OK, well how about someone help me sort out all these Chris Carters that are popping up? Aside from the fact that the guy who wrote the TV show is aptly named, wait for it, Chris Carter, we've got an outfielder with the same name on the New York Mets who also plays first base. Then we've got Chris Carter Part Deux (or is this Trois?) over in Oakland and he's a first baseman who also plays the outfield. Coincidence? I think not. So now we're going to need the non-baseball playing Chris Carter to make a few phone calls and rustle up Mark Mulder and Vin Scully to investigate this whole affair, and let's throw Jim Leyland in there too as The Cigarette Smoking Man while we've got Central Casting on the line. They all did such a great job in that one episode in the late 90s where a bunch of Bobby Jones' showed up to pitch for the Mets; and they would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for those damn kids! Oh wait, wrong show... While we're under the hood let's also see if any of this is related in any way to the recent multiple Mike Stantons and doppelganger Francisco Rodriguez' we've previously discussed? Starting with checking in on the father-in-law of the Angels reliever to see if he's been recently assaulted as well... August 11th, 2010 With apologies (and potential royalties) to Carl Douglas... Oh-oh-oh-oh... Everybody was Kung Fu fighting There were crying little bitches from St. Louis town Everybody was Kung Fu fighting On the field trots Dusty Baker, LaRussa's so far gone Everybody was Kung Fu fighting Oh-oh-oh-oh... August 10th, 2010 Monday night in San Francisco was a tribute event at AT&T Park and in addition to handing out bobbleheads of a greatfully dead lead singer I'm sure more than a few fans chose to "light up" on Jerry Garcia Night. Just to keep things straight, this is not to be confused with Light Up Freddy Garcia Night which happens every fifth day in Chicago or at whatever park they happen to be playing in on the road that night. This got me thinking about what other teams could have a Jerry Garcia or Grateful Dead themed tribute night if they wanted to and how would they work? Never one to miss a marketing opportunity, Peter Angelos should immediately sign off on Terrapin Station Night at Camden Yards. All University of Maryland students get in at no charge and Boog's serving all kinds of free munchies in the BBQ Pit, and recreating the entire Grateful Dead concert experience on Eutaw Street during the game. Don't forget to pick up your specially priced tie dyed Cal Ripken jersey in the gift shop on the way out of the park. The Chicago Cubs host Dancing Bear Night at Wrigley and everyone gets a sheet consisting of those multicolored temporary tattoos of the fuzzy creatures The Dead made so popular. Carlos Zambrano has the best outing of his career when after a rough first inning, instead of going psycho in the dugout once again, he decides to use the bears as motivational "war paint", placing five little bears of varying colors under each eye. The Big Z goes on to strike out 14 more batters the rest of the way and gets the win and immediately signs a deal to promote retro Care Bears merchandise. Short Lesh Night in Cincinnati as the Reds call up pitcher Justin Lehr from AAA for a spot start. In the top of the 5th, Reds honorary pitching coach, Letter Man from The Electric Company, comes to the mound and pulls the "S" from his sweater, replacing the "R" in Lehr and signaling in bass player Phil Lesh from the bullpen to pitch the rest of the fifth and hopefully get the win. Up In Smoak Night where the Mariners bring Cheech and Chong to Safeco for an appearance and everyone gets a Justin Smoak bobblehead. Risking a huge liability lawsuit, the company producing the bobbleheads make sure that Smoak only bobbles two times out of every ten shakes, reflecting Smoak's major league batting average thus far and making it just slightly better than the Casey Kotchman model. This also has to take place when the Rangers are in town to ensure the presence of Jorge "The Big" Cantu (thanks for the sly Cheech and Chong album reference there Doug!) Hart to Hart Night in which The Brewers could rest one of their star outfielders and instead of Corey patrolling the warning track, let drummer Mickey Hart play an inning or two there at the backend of a blowout, or after Trevor Hoffman's given up yet another 3 run homer in the top of the ninth. The Tigers decide to finally retire the number of one of their pitching aces from the 1940s and 50s on Virgil's Still Truckin' Night. Unlike Jerry Garcia, Virgil Trucks is greatful that he's not dead yet and shows up in person at the age of 93. The game goes into extra innings and Leyland runs out of pitchers and has to bring Virgil in for a save situation in the bottom of the 18th. Unfortunately some deja vu ensues and a close play at first base with two outs results in a blown call as the winning run crosses home plate. Jim Joyce immediately apologizes after the game "It was the biggest call of my career, and I trucked it up," Joyce said, looking and sounding distraught as he paced in the umpires' locker room. "I just cost that old man a win." The Mets, "grateful" to be home after an exhausting and not too successful West Coast swing, find themselves "dead" in the playoff race so they invite the remaining members of the band to Citi Field for a post game show and market What A Long Strange Road Trip It's Been Night. Somehow this gets confused with one of their previously scheduled "ethnic night" promotions and what was once supposed to be Polish Heritage Night ends up turning into Weird Al Yankovic channeling the late great Frankie Yankovic and joining the band in a 25 minute improv jam of "The Touch Of Grey Polka" complete with clarinets and accordions and the crowd singing along to the lyrics "We will get by, despite having Omar Minaya come back for another season, we will survive" The Yankees host Bootleg Night and invite anyone who's interested to hook up their tape machines to the official radio sound board and copy the entire John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman broadcast free of charge. Not surprisingly there's very little interest in this promotion but in a related story fuzzy amateur recordings of Phil Rizzuto wishing Happy Birthday to Eunice from Pelham Bay and Beatrice from Baychester start showing up on eBay right after the game ends. As we fade out this musical entry, I grant a request from my nieces to hear something from Uncle John's Band... Come read Uncle John's rants, in the News & Notes
August 9th, 2010 Alex Rodriguez recently hit his 600th career home run without much fanfare. No big ballpark celebrations that stopped the game. No trumpeters lining up on the first base line and blowing reveille. Certainly no big release of hundreds of doves from a cage in center field, although let's be honest, aside from centaurs running in from the bullpen (borrowed from the cast of the movie "Percy Jackson and the Olympians" of course), doves would've been the perfect cause for this narcissitic celebre, no? However, the number 600 kept sticking in my craw as I read the articles and game recap. Why was that? 600's not a nice round number like say, 500 is, or "half a thousand" actually. The 600 Club is still 100 away from anything Pat Robertson might find palatable (doves perhaps; but how apopleptic would those centaurs make him?) and PEDs notwithstanding, A-Rod's not the first player to hit this mark in recent memory (Sosa with, Griffey without) so what is it about this number that's got me so anxious? Finally it hits me! My winter bowling league's organizational meeting is fast approaching (ignore the whole Winter League starts in August concept for now please) so I've got ten-pin on my mind and 600 is the number all of us bowlers yearn for every night in our leagues. Three 200 games equals 600 and 200 is the bowling average that justifies all the practice and money spent on bowling equipment and makes it all worthwhile. To bowl a 200 you need to get at least a spare in every frame and catch two strikes in a row somewhere along the line or short of that, put together a large string of strikes (say 4 or 5) to cover up those missed spares along the way. To put this into perspective for the non-keglers amongst us, let's compare it to consistently shooting a round of 72 in golf or to bring it a little closer to home, compiling a .300 batting average in the American League this season. Now it took A-Rod over 2,200 games to get his 600 but for some of our league owners, it would take far less than that, in their bowling leagues that is. Based on qualifying averages from the most recently completed 2009-2010 season (thank you BOWL.COM), here's how long it would take them: Did I miss anyone? Other than the obvious one, we'll get to him in a second... I know The Wrohan has some high school varsity experience in his past but not sure if he's still messing with the game? I'll bet that Walt or Dennis have an old Manhattan Rubber in their closet or an AMF Rocket in their pocket perhaps? Of course, all of this pales in comparison to our resident pro, Brian Boghosian, who can probably polish off a 600 in a mere two-point-oh games given any normal house condition and a little bit of luck in the carry department. Which brings me to this flashback moment from over ten years ago. The 1999 ABC Masters Championship when we all spent a Saturday afternoon rooting for Brian to "clear" the pindecks and climb the stepladder to victory, culminating in the exciting televised final against New Jersey's own Parker Bohn Jr. Click here to revisit this tribute page of captured TV screen shots from the days before YouTube; but feel to search over there as well, I'm sure there's some video footage there by now too. Funny, as I recall there were no doves or centaurs in that post-match celebration either for some reason, but, making the inevitable A-Rod tie-in, there was one really large oversized check! And don't worry Bri, just like C.C. Sabathia, we've all forgotten your time at Miller Park now that they've taken ESPN Classic off the basic pay tier on our cable systems. So now that I've got everyone's interest piqued, on to the next topic. Fantasy bowling anyone? Dick Weber, ten cents...
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