We'll continue the season with our blog-type columns. Whenever the mood strikes, be it stats night on Monday, the middle of a West Coast game on Wednesday night, or maybe even a Friday morning before I leave for work, I'll come here and post entries. Sometimes it will be a paragraph or two, sometimes longer.

I'll make sure I put a date on everything so you can easily tell what's new from what you may have already read. So feel free to come to this page often, or continue checking in once a week as the stats update, to check out and catch up on the latest entries in what I hope to be a season long blog.

If anyone else has anything to contribute, I'll be more than happy to post it here, with all credit given to the author of course. And if we get one of our infamous 20+ reply e-mail threads going, I may also opt to copy that into this space as well so it's saved for all posterity.


September 29th, 2010

Let's see if we can't sneak at least one more News & Notes entry in this month before the annual champion's Sports Illustrated cover hits the newsstands next week Lots of milestones this past week in Major League baseball that we need to catch up with and talk (or sing!) about. Notably Jose Bautista's reaching and passing the 50 homer barrier, Ichiro once again getting his 200th hit of a season, Tampa Bay's home attendance reaches the 10,000 mark for the season (or does it just seem that way?) and Joe Torre's 500th denial of his interest in the Mets job...

For anyone looking for the smoking gun that will "explain" Jose Bautista's seemingly unexplainable power outburst this season look no further than Merriam's Spanish to English dictionary where a quick look up will show you that "bautista" translates as "brady anderson". Not sure what everyone else is looking for, it's right there in the language isn't it? Speaking (of) Spanish, let's fire up the karaoke machine one last time this season and follow the bouncing (possibly juiced) ball as we sing a little song called "Jose Bautista" to the tune of Madonna's hit "La Isla Bonita"

Last night he dreamt he hit one off Pedro

Hit it far and gone, ball traveled long
Had to break out the tape measure
Hit two more yesterday, so far away

Into the Rogers Centre breeze

He swears there are no PEDs
Look he just hit number 53
Ah, Jose Bautista
And when the Blue Jays playe
The ball gets hit so high
I really cannot believe my eyes
What's happened to this guy?

Meanwhile back at the Hall of Justice... Ichiro reaches 200 hits for the 10th straight season, tying the career mark held by Pete Rose. So can we call him Ichirose now? Got another tune in ya? OK, then how's about we croon "More Hits Than Rose" to the tune of Seal's "Kiss From A Rose". And a one (hundred hits), and a two (hundred hits)...

There's this Japanese guy who plays by the SEA

He hits the ball as well as anybody
Doesn't do it with drugs, doesn't need any pill
So do you know
This Ichiro
Has hit totals so large and
Gaudy that they seem obscene
Baby
He's almost got more hits than Rose in the game
Ooh
The more he gets
The stranger it feels, yeah
Now Pete better make room
A new Hit King is crowned on this day

Next we switch coasts and move across the country to Tampa Bay where the local fans are obviously "Comfortably Numb" to their team's recent run of success and are seemingly staying away from Tropicana Field in droves. Can I get a David Gilmour guitar intro please? Yeah, that's nice...

Hello (hello)

Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me
Is anyone in the old Thunder Dome?

Come on

Now
Why aren't the fans coming down
The Rays can ease your pain
Get to the World Series again

Relax

Price needs some information first
Just tell Longoria the facts
Is it the wallet where it hurts?

There is no help they are receiving

Can hear a pin drop it's so quiet
They should be coming through the turnstiles in waves
The Rays win
But nobody ever sees them playing

Back in 2008 they caught the fever

But now they can't fill up
The room
But they're in the playoffs once again
I can't explain
Just do not understand

Why they... have become comfortably numb

As the music fades out and the arms sway I'd like to take this time to thank everyone for another wonderful baseball season. It's been a pleasure serving as your commissioner for another season, let's do it again real soon shall we? Thank you and drive home safely...

September 22nd, 2010

{dropping needle onto Pink Floyd record, scratching noises ensue}... Hello, hello? Is there anybody out there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone home? Yes folks, believe it or not it's a late season News & Notes entry! Sorry for not keeping this space updated on a regular basis but this little distraction called football season hit me like a Mack truck about a month ago and my focus has obviously shifted to the pigskin and getting that league all organized and off the ground. Don't look now but there's this other small black flat cylindrical like object heading my way too, I think they call it a puck or something... So with the job, the wife, the kid and two leagues soon to be three, I just don't have the free writing time I used to and I'm sure you can all relate to that on at least three of the fronts in that list...

Speaking of wife and kids I'm not sure if Tyler Colvin is married but if he is I bet his family was quite relieved to find out that he's not a vampire! Have you seen this picture yet? Wow! Just wow! So Colvin gets "Yeagered" by a broken bat shard while running down the third base line. The wooden piece impales itself in his chest and down goes Colvin. Luckily he's OK and will make a full recovery and he's even more lucky this wasn't an episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer or heavens forbid that "True Blood" they're showing these days on HBO or that silly "Twilight" nonsense that all the twelve year old girls are screaming about. For if it was, immediately upon impact with the pointy wood Colvin would've turned to a pile of vampire dust. Dust in the wind if you will. "What to do? Right before my eyes, there was no Tyler C. Dust in the wind, all he was is dust in the wind." And what's the call on that? Do you tag the dust cloud for an automatic force out? This is why you always need to pinch-run with a werewolf in that situation. Unless the catcher's packing silver bullets, the squeeze play is so on!

Catching up on other loose ends that aren't pieces of a maple bat that is... I've read all the angles now on the whole "Derek Cheater" story where he apparently faked his way into a HBP against the Rays on a ball that hit the knob of the bat instead of his wrist but I still haven't seen this one mentioned. About a week later I'm watching a replay of the MTV VMAs and to my surprise there's a new award for "Best Actor In A Three Game Series". Lo and behold, here comes Jeter to accept the award and is that Lady Gaga wearing a dress that resembles George Steinbrenner's Monument Park plaque? Wow! So Jeter's accepting the award, giving a speech to all the kids watching about integrity and gamesmanship and all when Kanye West storms the stage, grabs the mic and let's Derek know that while he may be a good choice as a nominee, sorry but Reggie Jackson did it so much better and "hipper" when breaking up that double play (with his hip) in the 1978 World Series. Derek starts to cry, Lady Gaga accidentally calls him A-Rod while trying to console him and West (taylor) swiftly leaves the stage to catcalls and boos as the camera pans to Rays manager Joe Maddon in the crowd wearing a hoodie and applauding...

Moving over to the other side of the city I see a few of the Mets fan "not-so-favorites" decided to skip out on a trip to Walter Reed hospital while they had an off-day during a recent series with the Washington Nationals. OK, Carlos Beltran had a pretty good excuse as he was doing something with his own charitable foundation that day so can't really blame him but what was the reason for Luis Castillo and Oliver Perez's absence? Well I didn't really here anything from Twelve-Million-Dollar Ollie other than "no I'm not going". Sorry Ollie, they said "Walter Reed", not "minor league", they asked you to go to Wal-ter Reed, I know it rhymes and all but can we put on our listening ears? Come to think of it, haven't the vets there at Reed suffered enough already? Especially for those wounded who also happen to be avid Mets fans, do we really need to subject them to a few more hours of Oliver Perez in their lives? Granted he's not pitching during that time so the carnage wouldn't be too bad but still, there's plenty of collateral damage to consider here. As for Castillo's excuse he was quoted as saying something along the lines of how there's guys there at the medical facility without arms and legs and stuff and he doesn't like to see that. Funny, if you ask me I'd say the Mets have a second baseman who fields that very same way, as if he was missing arms and legs and stuff and to perfectly honest with you Luis, none of us wants to see you anymore either...

Finally, I'm tempted to go all Elton John karaoke here and spin off a "Bennie and The Jets" spoof entitled "Torre and The Mets" but there's a lot of noise coming from the football field where everyone's arguing over who gets Jimmy Claussen this week and that hockey puck's looming ever larger in the rear view mirror. Still it's not as close as it appears to be but in the essence of time I'll leave you with this:

He's got the fan base juiced and Manuel spooked

And the bullpen fleeing out of Queens
T-T-T-Torre and the Mets

September 8th, 2010

So what's the right move when you haven't written a column in a couple of weeks and the yellow Post-It notes with disparate ideas on them are piling up on all sides of the monitor? Well it must be mailbag time!

The Pittsburgh Pirates haven't had a winning season in what now, 18 years? You got a song for the one Mr. DJ?

Actually I do. From a band that was formed about 18 years before the team's 18 year losing streak started. The Pirates play in a city located at the confluence of three big rivers, the Allegheny, the Monongehela, and the Ohio. But forget about the big rivers, for this song we're talking about little rivers. The Little River Band actually. Have you heard about these guys? Or perhaps the pertinent question here really is, have you heard about the lonesome losers?

Have you heard about the lonesome losers

Haven't seen .500 in quite some time
Have you heard about the lonesome losers
They still make money so why keep on trying?

"Lonesome Loser" hit #6 on the Billboard singles chart in 1979, the same year as the Willie Stargell "We Are Family" years in Pittsburgh and with the exception of the Bonds/Van Slyke years in the early 90s, not a whole heck of a lot has gone right there since. Let's close this reply with a lyrical quote from the Top-10 single that was the follow up to "Lonesome Loser" and a message to Pirates manangement; "It's time... for... a... cool... change..." And giving the fact that there's a hockey arena in the same city named "The Igloo" that really shouldn't be too much to ask for, should it?

Pretty impressive feat there with 600 saves, eh? How's the "Sandman" feel about entering that?

OK Trevor, pipe down there a bit will you. Mariano acknowledges the feat and sends his congratulations but also asks me to remind you about the incident in his swimming pool in Panama a few years back. You remember that one don't ya? Better watch your back if you see Axford enter the clubhouse with a large sack. I just can't seem to trust a guy with a mustache like that, you know? Admittedly it's been nice to hear "Hell's Bells" playing more these days as I thought for sure that Heath('s) Bell(s) had taken over but still, 600 saves? Don't go bragging about that in Canada, eh? That's like a good 20 game stretch for any NHL goalie.

Since you're really into the music stuff this season, do you have any idea what's playing on Stephen Strasburg's iPod these days?

As the phenom relaxes post-surgery he likes to put on the thin white headphones and kick back to his favorite tunes. Spies in The Commish's Office have been successful in getting a sneak peak at Strasburg's current favorite playlist and it goes like this:

  • Suspicious Minds (1992) - Dwight "Dr. Lewis" Yoakam
  • I'm Still Standing (1983) - Elton "Tommy" John
  • You Don't Know How Much You Can Suffer (1939) - The "Dr. James" Andrews Sisters
  • The Way (1998) - by Fastball
  • Secret Separation (1986) - by The Fixx
  • I Just Died In Your Arms (1986) - Cutting Crew

    It's also worth noting that he had what I thought was some Tracy Chapman in there. We were able to catch a glimpse of a song called "Fast Car" but it seemed like the artist was not Tracy Chapman but instead some guy named Aroldis? Hmmm, must be some of that new Cuban stuff the kids are listening to these days. Think I heard some of it on 103.7 (MPH) FM on the way into work this morning...

    Did I really just read somewhere that it's possible Lou Gehrig didn't die of Lou Gehrig's disease?

    Yeah that's a real funny one isn't it? Apparently Gehrig may have merely had post-concussion effects that attributed to his death and caused the neuromuscular condition which bears his name. So thank you modern medicine for this revelation! I can now see what health care reform is so popular. So what are we going to find out next? That Tommy John never had Tommy John surgery and now we need to name it after the second guy who had the procedure instead? Probably some triple-A reliever and not as sexy right. Wait, scratch that. Two minute penalty for using "Tommy John" and "sexy" in the same sentence! I also bet that all of a sudden no one's going to be able to remember who Alzheimer was? Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma doesn't just happen to guys not named Hodgkin? And will the guy in the corner please stop shaking! I know, I know, we'll get to Parkinson in a moment...

    Can the San Diego Padres hang on in the NL West after that terrible losing streak?

    Finally, after losing 10 straight games the Pods held on and won one the other night but their once expansive lead in the division is now down to just a mere game over the San Francisco Giants as of the time of this writing. What was that song that had the lyrics "...she was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead..."? Oh yeah "All Star" by the group Smash Mouth. Wow, really feeling the "loser" theme in this mail bag aren't we? Well those recently acquired All Stars like Ludwick and Tejeda better put on a smash mouth performance if the Padres are going to make the playoffs. Else might I suggest breaking out those camoflauge uniforms at the end of the month because no one in San Diego is going to want to see you play after blowing such a huge lead.

    How about this new first baseman guy on Kansas City?

    Oh you mean Kila Ka'ahuie? Or Ghostface Kila for you hardcore rap fans out there. Yes, gotta love the apostrophe in his name despite the fact that he's not Irish. Well then again former Red Sox outfielder Troy O'Leary wasn't exactly wishing anyone "top of the morning" either I'd imagine. Kila follows a long line of ball players coming over from the islands such as Benny Agbayani, Sid Fernandez, Shane Victorino, Kurt Suzuki and the immortal Lenn Sakata. Like all those who've come before him he also needs a good nickname. Based on his current stats, he's hitting well below the Mendoza Line since his call up, might I suggest either "Hawaii Oh-for-Five", "Hawaiian Punchless" or in tribute to my favorite TV show filmed there, just plain "Lost (At The Plate)"?

    While we're on the subjest, congratulations to the kids from Hawaii who finished as this year's runners-up in the Little League World Series, eventually losing to the group from Japan. Well played ball throughout the finals although I must admit I got a bit worried when on-screen graphics revealed that the Japanese pitcher's favorite major leaguer was Daisuke Matsuzaka. I was waiting for a three-inning, hundred pitch outing in which not one ball crossed the white part of the plate but I was pleasantly surprised to find the kid throwing smoke and challenging all the hitters he faced. Unfortunately for the team from Hawaii, one of the kids parents accidentally packed the Tiki necklace that Barry Williams had given them at the last Brady Bunch FanFest and that, combined with the presence of a really large black fuzzy eight legged denizen of the shadowy areas of the ball park in Williamsport, spelled certain doom for the kids representing the United States, not to mention surfers all up and down the East Coast on the day of the game.

    Did you see the ending of the Rangers game the other night where Texas lost because the winning run was recalled because the third base coach touched the runner?

    I'm not sure where I stand on the subject of coaches touching runners. I mean it's not that there's anything wrong with that! Such a ticky-tack rule if you ask me. It's not like the third base coach grabbed the runners arm as he rounded the bag and did some kind of "Apollo 13" inspired sling shot towards home plate to speed the runner up! Besides, don't coaches high-five the players on all home run trots anyway? Isn't that "touching"? What do they expect, some kind of tantric thing where coach and player exchange life energy while standing mere fractions of an inch apart between pitches? And didn't even that kind of stuff get you thrown out of the Catholic School dances? Leave room for the Holy Ghost... Speaking of which, if you're aided along your way to home plate by coach Dino Ebel aren't you in fact being touched by an (Anaheim) angel? Roma Downey and Della Reese are you two taking notes here?

    Final question: How do you think Nolan Ryan succeeded in outbidding Mark Cuban to win ownership of the Texas Rangers?

    I believe it was one of those classic World Wide Wrestling Federation scenarios. You know, the kind of matches that despite their being rigged are still highly entertaining? And that's pretty much all I'm going to say about that except for the following five word phrase which I believe sealed the deal for Ryan's bid to win. "Special Guest Referee: Robin Ventura"

    So long everyone, hopefully I'll be back in this space a few more times before the season ends in October...

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