Fresh off the finale of American Idol, where Bo "Diaz" Bice and Carrie "Tom" Underwood vied for the title of most obscure ex-Philadelphia Phillie and a recording contract, I wanted to open this column with some music. However, I could not decide between any of the following songs to feature:

Tom Petty's "Even The Closers"

"Even the closers, get injured sometimes"

Beck's "Closer"

"Open the bullpen door. I'm a closer baby, so why don't you sign me"

Paula Cole's "Where Have All The Closers Gone?"

"Where is my Danny Graves
Where is Brandon Lyon
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the closers gone"

Speaking of American Idol (and I voted for Bo), any chance we can persuade Marc With a D to rename his team We Slept With Paula Abdul? We could give him anyone named Corey or Clark and make sure he had Randall Simon on his Reserve List? Ok, maybe not… So instead of a song, let's put The Commish's Office karaoke machine aside and ease on down the road…

Yes folks, pay no attention to the man behind the dugout wall, for we're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Ozzie Guillen, who has his White Sox squad following the yellow brick road all the way to the top of the AL Central. Led by Jon "Judy" Garland they've played some "wicked" good baseball and I must say, "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore". Which of course is a shame because then they could just keep beating up on the lowly Royals and increase their division lead! By the way, white socks go really well with ruby slippers…

Leaving the land of Oz, let's hitch a ride on the good witch's bubble on head on over to Maryland where there's no place like the homestretch for Afleet Alex who took the second leg of the Triple Crown, avenging his loss to Giacomo in the Kentucky Derby. Alex won the Preakness? I thought that race was for 3 year olds? Why would they let a 7 year old run? And while we're drawing parallels between horse racing and our fellow league owners, I just know there's an Uncle Giacomo Caruso in Guy and Joe's family tree somewhere…

From rivalries of the equine type, let's move on to baseball rivalries as it was the start of the popular Inter-league play when rivals squared off against each other. The Dodgers and the Angels played for the bragging rights to the "Los Angeles", and if the Angels won the Dodgers had to call themselves the Anaheim Dodgers of Los Angeles. In the Windy City the Cubs and the White Sox vied to be the darlings of Chi-Town. In New York the Yankees and the Mets battled for supremacy of the Big Apple. And then in Detroit it was the Tigers and the Arizona Diamondbacks facing off for… for what exactly?

What can possibly be the connection here between these two teams that would allow us to call this a rivalry? Maybe we could draw a line between the two "phases" of Luis Gonzalez' career? The pre-steroid (oops did I just say that? Shame on me!) Tigers years (actually it was just one year, 1998) and the post-Roid (yeah he hit 50 homers naturally, just like Brady Anderson did) Arizona Era. Screw the Subway Series, we've got the "Going Gonzo for Gonzalez" games…

Meanwhile in Seattle, the Padres and Mariners met to renew their hated rivalry. Things really haven't been the same between these two clubs since Gaylord Perry bad-mouthed his old team the Padres when he joined the Mariners back in 1982. Gaylord Perry, not that there's anything wrong with that! And did I mention that I was at Shea Stadium on Sunday for the final game of the Subway Series? Sitting in these awesome seats just six rows behind the Yankee on-deck circle (Neil, you remember these seats from two years ago) and who is sitting only four seats to my left? None other than Jerry Seinfeld! Who is there with his family and some other guy who you might know named Matthew Broderick! Yes, I had slightly better seats than Jerry Seinfeld and Ferris Bueller! So of course once I discover this, I'm left spending the rest of the game trying to figure out which of the following things will happen first. Jerry getting hit with some stray spit or Matthew Broderick catching a foul ball and being shown on the Jumbotron and getting caught playing hooky by his high school principal.

And of course leave it to Bud Selig to screw up a sure thing with his Inter-league Golden Cow as he has the Washington Nationals returning to Canada to play the Blue Jays instead of squaring off immediately in their first season against their geographic rivals the Orioles! How Huge (with a nation's capital H) would this series have been? I think it would've been so big that if Peter Angelos' Orioles had lost he would have been forced to change his name to Peter Anaheim! Geez, had to send those ex-Expos back to Canada just one more time there Buddy, didn't you? Nothing like seizing the moment, eh? There's certainly no carpe in your diem…

Rather than prattle on about the Battle To Be The Big Cheese (Minnesota versus Milwaukee) or the Everything's Bigger In Texas (Including The ERAs) match-up between the Rangers and the Astros, I think we'll just leave inter-league play well enough alone for now until the first week in June, when it all comes back to haunt us once again. Speaking of being haunted once again, same time, same place in another seven days? 'til next week..

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