Then the day after Reagan dies, the Padres select a guy named Bush with the first pick of the Amateur Draft. Anyone else find this an alarming circumstance? This guy's first name's not Jeb by any chance, is it? Who went next at #2? Allan Gore?…

So what else is new? Oh yeah, Vegas baby! Great trip, lots of things to do besides losing all your money. Did you all know that The Mirage casino has a cage full of white tigers? No not the kind that much on Siegfried and Roy, the OTHER white tigers. You know, a whole display full of them. Guys like Jeremy Bonderman, Brandon Inge, Eric Munson, even Bobby Higginson right there behind the glass for you viewing pleasure…

Yes folks, they've got everything in Las Vegas, including the nefarious 3-team baseball parlay! Every day after the breakfast buffet, I'd saunter on down to the Sports Book at the MGM Grand and place a $20 bet on three (3) baseball teams I thought would win that days games. Betting the money line and mixing in two underdogs and a favorite I was looking at 10 to 1 odds, give or take, if I hit on all three games in a given day. So wouldn't you know I get down there the first night, notice the Giants have a seven game winning streak going and I just figure they're doomed to lose at some point, why not tonight? So I bet on the Reds over the Marlins (a win), the Devil Rays over the Twins (believe it or not, a win) and the Diamondbacks over San Fran in the late game, the Giants 8th straight victory in a row and a ticket ripper loss for me…

Needless to say this goes on every day I'm there. I can't pick an underdog who loses if I wanted to. Brewers over Dodgers (yes, I did that!), Pirates over Cardinals (don't ask, I think I was possessed by the spirit of Kevin Shanley), Expos over the Braves, Dewey over Truman, all winners! Yet, at the end of each three team parlay, I stubbornly insist on including the D'Backs who just HAVE to end the Giants streak don't they? Well let me tell you, they did finally do it, the day after I left and the Giants had a nice little double-digit 10 gamer under their belt as I was on the plane tightening mine… So the moral to this story is… I should've bet the "under" on the "number of former U.S. presidents who'd be alive on the Fourth of July" proposition bet, that's what the moral is! Or better yet, if you learn anything from this story, learn this; "bet with your head, not with Bob Brenley!"…

With my pockets empty and my team mired in 15th place, I am making a public appeal for help. You see, my ace pitcher Josh Beckett is on the DL with a really bad blister and my pitching is in shambles. I've got this great idea about urinating all over Beckett's hand so his blister gets better. Only the visual's got Kevin Kelly all freaked out and I'm looking for a volunteer to "go Moises" for me. Any takers? Didn't think so…

Well I see O.J. Simpson was on FOX news the other day giving a rare interview! I heard he claimed he had nothing to do with Reagan's death, but he knew who the real killer was, only he had forgotten his name. Al Zeimer or something like that, he just couldn't recall. Seriously though (or as seriously as we can take OJ), he says he's gonna start some kind of reality show where he pranks people (a la Ashton Kutcher's MTV hit punk'd) on camera. He says his practical jokes will be called "juices" and people will get "Juiced" by OJ. OK, now I don't know if this is going to fly because I just saw a sneak peak pilot episode in which OJ has Reggie Jackson wandering aimlessly through Buckingham Palace muttering "must Juice the Queen, must Juice the Queen"…

And finally, for those of you who have managed to make it this deep into the column with getting pissed off (or pissed on if your name is Josh Beckett), some happy news! The man formerly known as Arizona Joe, Speedo Joe, Arizona Joe and Box of Joe Mastrangelo is once again going to be known as Papa Joe! Mama Laura Mastrangelo is currently carrying the couple's second child (due sometime during this year's playoffs I believe), and this time, it's a girl! No word yet on possible names, but I'm sure Smarty Jones Mastrangelo is out of the question! Especially after this past week's Belmont Stakes race (I hear Ray Boyce had a heavy Smarty-Brenly exacta). Seriously though, (and we can take Joe much more seriously than we can OJ) congratulations to Joe and Laura from all of us! 'til next week…