So enough about Michael Jackson already, now he can return to middle relief work for the White Sox! Yes that "other" Mike Jackson was still pitching in 2004! Started his career in 1986 with the Phillies, just three years after "Thriller" was released, and went on to pitching in over 900 career games. Nice info there, Commish. You don't say, say, say? And how about the irony of Prince Fielder being called up to the majors the same day that the verdict is handed down? Of course, Prince is the name of Michael's son, the one he dangled over the balcony. Hey Mike, would you care to try holding Mr. Fielder up over the mezzanine section at Miller Park?

Let's move on now to other clowns in the news. Did you all notice that the grandson of Bozo The Clown was drafted in this year's amateur baseball draft? Seriously, the kid's name is Trevor Bell (funny I would've guessed his last name would be Horn), he's a pitcher and he was drafted by the Anaheim Angels with the 37th overall pick in the draft. Now I wonder if he's going to try to get all the other Angels relievers cramped into the bullpen car together for a trip out to the mound? I also hear that he would've been drafted much higher but most teams mis-read the scouting report thinking it read "Trevor's just some bozo who pitches"…

Staying with the Draft, I see the White Sox have drafted a pitcher out of TCU by the name of Lance Broadway. Come on! That's just got to be a stage name, no? Is this name for real? Does he have a little black mustache and appear in any "quality videos" with Ron Jeremy? You know I almost can't wait for this guy to make it up to the majors then fail miserably so I can write the Billy Joel song parody, " I've Seen The Lights Go Out On Broadway". Ok maybe we shouldn't be hatin' and waiting for his career to end before it's begun. How about just a cup of coffee call-up in September with the Sox trailing the Royals like 17 - 2 and Lance comes in for a little mop-up action at the very same time the City of Chicago suffers a massive blackout? Yeah, that would work for me…

Speaking of lights out, I see that the truth has finally come out about Clint Barmes' injury. Carrying groceries up the stairs my arse! It appears Mr. Barmes hurt his clavicle carrying a sack of deer meat into his apartment! Ok, so what's so bad about that? Groceries, deer meat, what's the difference? Well, let me just whip out my Handy Dandy Oliver Stone Conspiracy Theory Detector here as we also find out that said venison was given to Clint by none other than Todd Helton. And that Barmes and Helton had been ATV riding with teammate Brad Hawpe before the incident occurred. Yeah, so what in the name of Inspector Closseau are you trying to say here Commish? Well, a closer look at the transaction page from two weeks ago reveals that one Bruce Lerman acquired BOTH Helton and Hawpe in a trade with The Commish and Kevin. And this very same Bruce is behind the Intentional Walts, not so proud owners of the injured Clint Barmes! Coincidence? I think not! Elementary my dear Watson, elementary! Ah, but the game is now afoot! Anyone taking bets on how long it takes before the 3rd person acquired in that deal by Bruce gets injured? Probably just as soon as Ken Griffey faces one of Walt's pitchers…

So does this mean we can refer to Barmes as Bambi Barmes now? Sounds like a stripper not a shortstop! Or maybe even Aunt Bunny Barmes because he can't climb a flight of steps! ("My shoe! My deer meat!") Bambi "Boom Boom" Barmes? Bambi Barmes, you'll be doing this next scene with Lance Broadway over here. No, sorry, I can't dim the lights…

Quick notes before we wrap this thing up (and put it in a doggie bag). Separated at birth: Matt Clement and Vanilla Ice. Why has no one mentioned this yet? And boy do I feel a song parody coming on. I'll try to hold out until at least next week… Is it just me or does everyone else think that even David Eckstein could take Mike Tyson now? Hey wait, another episode of Celebrity Boxing is due to come around again soon and I think Michael Jackson is going to need to make some money to cover those legal fees… And finally, the trading frenzy continues but who says there's no honor in trading? Did anyone besides Kevin Shanley see that Brian Legere did the noble thing this past week and sent Jason Bay to the team that is actually named after him, finally bringing a certain "planets are back in line" harmony to the rest of the league? And did Jose Mesa and Los Hermanos Flinn sign off on this deal? Way to go Brian, now I'm actually renaming my team Leave It To Jeter, can you help me out? That's all I've got room for folks, good night and have a pleasant tomorrow. 'til next week…