For this week's column, I'm gonna try something a little new. Instead of writing a whole bunch of original commentary, I'm going to turn the bulk of the column over to the contents of various e-mails I've received over the past week and a half. Some e-mails are about things that are relevant to our league and major league baseball, others, well perhaps not so relevant…

First, an e-mail from Mike "Down Goes Zimmer" Flinn, giving us an update on fellow owner (and his nephew by the way!) Kevin Shanley's recent wedding…

Kevin and Jillian Shanley were married this weekend in a ceremony so beautiful that Kevin actually took off "the hat." The most notable observation of the weeding (COMMISH'S NOTE: This was obviously a typo as Mike meant "wedding" and not "weeding" but since the nuptials did take place in West Virginia, I left it in there as it was originally spelled just in case!) was the throwing of the garter. It didn't even reach the feet of the guys in the front of the pack. After seeing the throw, maybe Kevin should have been wearing the garter instead of throwing it...Seriously though, a fine time was had by all.

Next up, from Doug Quat, a review of his recent trip to Cleveland, and a warning to all owners who still don't buy into the "never watch your pitcher when he's pitching" theory…

Here's the "this is why you never want to watch one of your players in person" story from my trip to The Jake.

Got to Cleveland Friday, Rockies and Tribe playing three. We decided to go to Saturday night's game - Sabathia vs. Kennedy. As we're walking to The Jake, I say to Brian (COMMISH'S NOTE: Brian is Doug's son, he didn't go to Cleveland with Brian Legere or Brian Boghosian, or even Brian Boitano for that matter), "With my luck, something will happen to Sabathia tonight."

He mows down the Rockies 1-2-3 in the first inning. Then, I see him go into the dugout and into the clubhouse, never to return. In the 6th inning, the scoreboard carries this message: "C.C. Sabathia left due to shoulder irritation." Today's Cleveland Plain Dealer says he'll be visiting "renowned orthopedic surgeon" Dr. James Andrews this week. The moral: Never go to an out of town park to watch one of your players. Of course, the four guys who sat next to us with the letters "O-M-A-R" painted in blue on their chests didn't help either. Ate dinner that night at Alice Cooper'stown Restaurant - yes, named after that Alice Cooper. My favorite picture in the joint was one of him and Frank Sinatra hanging out god knows where.

The Jake is great - a lot like The Ted, but better sight lines and much better bleacher seats. Downtown parks are definitely the way to go…. Everyone was walking to the game, not like in Atlanta where you have to drive because there's no mass transit to the stadium, which is also on the outskirts of the city.

Primary purpose of the trip was to check out the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. What can I say - it's the Cooperstown of music. Too much there to write about, but suffice to say one of the highlights was seeing Michael Jackson's glove (the molester, not the relief pitcher.) I think it was a Rawlings.

I just had to relate the Sabathia story - reminded me of when Piazza was carted off the field about 10 minutes after I drafted him a few years ago.

This next item is actually an exchange of e-mails between Bruce Lerman, Brian Legere and The Commish as Bruce bemoans the outcome of a recent Subway Series interleague game…

BRUCE: I went to the misery I call the Mets vs. Yankees Sunday night. Nothing like a 6 run 1st inning to start things off. It made for a long night in which I drowned my tears in $8.00 beers. Now it's clear how Georgie Boy affords a 192 million dollar payroll! On behalf of this Mets fan..You're f***ing welcome George!

BRIAN: You didn't HAVE to buy those $8 beers to drown your sorrows. You could have chosen a lemonade and a hot dog at a probable combined price of just UNDER or equal to $8. Met fans never learn!

THE COMMISH: However, based on the Official BallPark Lemonade Ratings, published a year ago in the Road Trip Diary, (http://www.commish.com/fullnw1303.htm), Brian rates Yankee Stadium at only 1 1/2 lemons, the lowest of all the rated lemonades. Therefore, as far as value for you dollar (or eight dollars in this case) perhaps Bruce was better served drowning his sorrow in quality barley and hops instead of second-rate lemon juice and sugar. Plus, no Mets fan is going eat a "Yankee" frank!

BRUCE: Actually, we looked into the hot dog situation. What we found is that a foot long dog was $6.00, which equates to $0.50 per inch. Wow, I could go somewhere with this but we're at work so...

…and now, if I may steal a page from my idol ESPN Page 2's Bill Simmons (a.k.a The Sports Guy, formerly known as The Boston Sports Guy), let's dip even further into the in-box as I pull a David Letterman and attempt to answer "Viewer Mail"…

Commish, I recently read that the Yankees Jason Giambi is suffering from "intestinal parasites". What do you, or CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta, know about this ailment? G.S., Bronx, NY

I can't speak for Dr. Gupta, but since I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night, perhaps I can tackle this medical question. Now I knew that baseball groupies were a crazy bunch, but hanging out in someone's intestine? Why not just do it the old fashioned way and hang around the players' parking lot or linger near the clubhouse door? After all, with this new "intestinal" thing, even if you do manage to get an autograph, all that stomach acid's just gonna go and ruin all the ink anyway…

Yo Commish dude, what do y'all think about 4,000 K's? R.J., Tucson, AZ

Let's see. 4,000 K's is it? Well if you divide that by 3, I think that's a whole lot of white sheets you're gonna have to put in the laundry after the rally. Oh, and did we get a count on all those burning crosses we're going to have to extinguish?

Now that Spiderman 2 is finally hitting the theaters, does Major League Baseball have any new marketing plans? P.P., New York, NY

Well we know that Commissioner Selig gave in on the whole "spider webs and logos" on the bases thing some time back. But is anyone else besides Alanis Morrisette thinking "Isn't this ironic" after hearing about Texas Rangers 2B/OF Eric Young's "almost DL" stint this past week leading up to the movie's release? Don't know what I'm talking about? Check out this entry from Rotoworld.com:

Jun 26, 12:27 AM: Eric Young was thought to be headed to the DL due to an infection on his left knee from two spider bites, but his condition improved and he was available off the bench Friday.

Now if Young starts robbing folks of homers by vertically climbing the outfield walls at The Ball Park at Arlington, I'm gonna call for a drug test that even Barry Bonds and Marion Jones can't pass…

Your holy Commish-ness, with the recent transfer of power in Iraq giving custody of Saddam Hussein to the Iraqi people to impose justice, are there any thoughts about you transferring your commissionary duties? P.B. Baghdad, Iraq

While I will definitely not be relinquishing any of my power in the near future ("respect my author-a-tie!"), I will promise, that before the season's over, to turn over Kevin Kelly to stand trial for his recent "crimes against humanity". Or at least for filling our in-boxes with senseless drivel these past few seasons…

Is it true that Fernando Valenzuela is attempting a comeback? T.L., Los Angeles CA

Yes indeed, just read about that today. Apparently Fernando-mania is set to strike the border town of Mexicali as the 43 year old Valenzuela has agreed to join the team playing in the Mexico's Pacific League. Valenzuela has agreed in principle to pitch for the Aguilas (which translates to Eagles, a team that Luis Aguiar never punted for) in the season that starts on Oct. 12, team director Jesus Sommers said by telephone. Hey, how about that, Jesus is the team director! As a matter of fact, I hear this was an easy decision for Fernando as he said that Sommers had a real "passion" for his return. No word on whether or not Fernando's gonna pitch on 3 days rest...

Valenzuela last pitched in the major leagues in 1997 with St. Louis and San Diego, but as recently as 2001 he was still pitching for the Naranjeros of Hermosillo in the Pacific League. Or perhaps I read that wrong and in 2001 he was eating habaneros and living with armadillos near the Pacific Ocean? Either way, he's back!

As the Cassini probe approaches Saturn, where do you think it will go next? R.M., Pasadena, CA

Cassini probe? Did they nail another mobster in Little Italy? Where did you read about this, The New York Post? Seriously though, where do I think the probe's going after it leaves Saturn? How's about "your anus"! That's the next planet out there in it's path, isn't it?…

Have you seen the movie Fahrenheit 9/11? M.M, Flint, MI

Yes I saw the movie last Friday night, and I'm going to refrain from making any comments except to say that the movie had more spin than a young Doc Gooden curveball… And one other thing that struck me as odd about this is that when I bought my ticket it had printed on the front, Admission $9.00, Tax $0.00. Now I ask you, how can this be considered a left leaning, Democratic, anti-Republican movie if there are no taxes?!

…and as Mr. Simmon's likes to end these types of columns with, "yep, those are my readers!"… 'til next week…