Happy Dump Day! Thanks to everyone for getting me their moves in on time! Only 25 free agent pickups this week but how about 5 trades involving 24 players including 4 deals by The Commish in which he trades 10 players and all fives aces of his dominating pitching staff !? And how about each of the top three teams in the standings making at least one deal this week also? Whole lotta new faces in new places as we begin the second half of the season…

And let's hope we play an entire second half while we're at it. With the players union meeting last Monday and not setting a strike date, it looks like we've got some breathing room for now. But not too much as Commissioner Selig (the 2nd best commissioner mentioned in this column by the way) is not too optimistic that a deal can be reached in a short period of time. In an obvious test for what will happen next season should there be another players strike, the minor league Charleston River Dogs held a "Nobody Night" promotion. You see, nobody was allowed into the game until the fifth inning, making the official attendance for the night, zero! Didn't this happen already a few times in Montreal? And speaking of the Expos, what's going on with them? Getting Bartolo Colon from the Indians and then trying to add more payroll and trade for players like Cliff Floyd and Ryan Dempster so they can make a run at the NL wild card? You know, come to think of it, the last time the Expos were this good (Les Expos c'est magnifique!), was back in 1994 and we all know what happened then…

Anyone else find it a crying shame that the greatest hitter to ever play the game, Ted Williams, has been turned into so much as the latest Stouffer's frozen entrée by his son? What the hell is up with that? Now promise me no one's going to be bidding on any of Ted's body parts once they show up on eBay! I mean, I know it might be hard to resist the temptation to drop down a bid on The Splendid Splinter's Spleen or maybe even The Splendid Sphincter, but please, for the love of God and all that is holy in Fenway Park, just say no! Of course, in his current state, Ted Williams is now the best frozen hitter ever to play the game, Barry Bonds' media demeanor notwithstanding…

Staying with the morbidity of death let's move from baseball to "bass"-ball as The Who's bass player John Entwhistle also passed away this week, dying in a hotel room in Las Vegas just before The Who was to start a national tour. Note to John Henry Williams, I don't see Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey rushing out for any dry ice and a cooler, do you? Other deaths this past week include Dan Baylor's managerial career, Bud Selig's popularity rating (if he ever had one that is) and Sammy Sosa and Sports Illustrated writer Rick Reilly's friendship. Although I do hear that Sosa's got a huge endorsement deal with LabCorp if he wants it. And finally, before we return to the land of the living, Trader Neil, not to be left out of this week's trading activity, has attempted to become the first person to ever trade for a dead player! Now we've had a few guys attempt to draft dead guys, can you say "Steve Olin, 10 cents?" but no one's ever traded for one yet. Neil offered Kramerica Rusty Greer off his Reserve List in exchange for Darryl Kile. Kramerica owner and CEO Don Cardoza quickly rejected the offer saying he also wanted Ted Lilly, Carlos Pena and Teddy Ballgame's liver over rice or linguini (and a nice chianti) as part of the package…

In other trading activity besides the aforementioned Kile Offer and The Commish's Pitching Blowout Sale we see the Yankees stockpiling yet more talent as they acquire Raul Mondesi from the Blue Jays and Jeff Weaver from the Tigers by way of the A's. George, do you think Joe Torre's got enough toys to play with now? You know if Rondell White's still not working out in left field and you can't get Cliff Floyd from the Marlins or Expos, you might want to give good old John Henry Williams a call and see what he's got to offer in the "frozen food" aisle! Hey George, imagine that, you're just a little thawing out period and one undead raising away from reuniting Williams and DiMaggio in the same outfield. What's that? You want to know how much that would cost? I don't know, let me go ask the shaman… Two more trade notes and we'll move on from here. Some owners who root for certain pinstripe wearing teams feel that after this week's trades, Red Sox fan Walt has Intentionally acquired both Manny Ramirez and Nomar Garciaparra just in time for the Sox Annual August swoon. And in a similar downgrade, The Commish has traded Nomar but is now in possession of Omar (Daal). Reminds me of that old PBS Electric Company skit with that superhero guy Letter Man. "Letter Man took the N out of "Nomar", leaving The Commish with just "Omar"…

Are we all done kissing our sisters in Milwaukee yet? After running out of pitchers you think Joe Torre could've ran Willie Randolph out there for the 12th inning after his outstanding pitching performance in the Home Run Derby, serving up all those gopher balls to winner Jason Giambi! And correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Matt Morris sitting there on the NL bench despite choosing to sit out the game? Hell, it's an emergency, throw the Darryl Kile #57 jersey on him and get loose in the bullpen! Kile would've wanted it that way… And how can they name the All Star MVP award after Ted Williams and then not name a winner? Or perhaps, as one league owner suggested, they wanted to put the award "on ice" for a season? Have I no shame? Can't I make it through a single paragraph without a frozen Ted Williams corpse joke? Man, I'm ashamed of myself! Look at me, I'm turning into Kevin Kelly right before your very eyes. And speaking of Kevin, I feel the need to inform you all that during my trade talks with The Sniper this past week, he actually used the word "precipitous" in context and in the same sentence as the words "Hideo Nomo"! The man never ceases to amaze me…

Anyone else think it's time we changed Frank Thomas' nickname from The Big Hurt to The Big Pain In The Ass? And finally, I realize that the free agent list is quite sparse and it's real "thin" out there but I must remind everyone that Yao Ming is still not eligible at the infield corner positions! And before I go a reminder, Ted Williams, left field. His son John Henry, WAY out in left field. That's all I've got for this week folks! Good luck to everyone in what's hopefully an enjoyable, as well as complete, second half of the season! 'til next week…