Would you have any sympathy for me if I told you my hand really hurts after cranking out almost fifteen pages of diary entries in the last two News & Notes columns? Didn't think so… Oh well, carry on Christian soldier! Before we begin this week, let me remind everyone that next week, along with the All Star Game, is the long awaited "Dump Day"! That's the day when you can begin making the first of your 15 allotted performance transactions, replacing players who aren't injured and just plain suck with all those juicy free agent choices out there!

So give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free! Your backup catcher, your 5th outfielder, Andy Fox and Jason Simontacchi! Just be sure to also send me many backup choices as most everyone will be going for the same free agents and we can't all become the proud owners of Geoff Blum, Jody Gerut and Kenny Rogers! As usual, the "lowest team in the standings rule" applies (regardless of whether you're making an injury or performance transaction) and be sure specify your selection order when making multiple choices.

The price to pay for all this freedom? Why it's quite a bargain! Just $2 per non-injury transaction; as opposed to the normal $1 fee. A small price to pay to rectify those Draft Day mistakes you've been living with for the past 3 plus months. For a complete recap of the rules, please see the the league rules page, "Section XII - Performance Transactions"…

Also please note that since the All Star Game is being played on a Tuesday and there are no games on Monday or Wednesday, I will be expanding the transaction deadline and doing next week's stats on Wednesday, July 16th instead of the usual Monday (the 14th). This should give you all more time to scour your roster and the free agent lists get those 2nd half "Dump Day" choices in to me. So let's call it an 8PM cutoff on Wednesday the 16th to get the moves into me. And this is a FIRM date, due to the very complex nature of dishing out all these choices and the fact that since everyone's lists will be quite similar so that one missed move could domino into a four or five team bumping, I WILL NOT BE ACCEPTING ANY MOVES THAT COME IN TO ME LATER THAN 8PM ON WEDNESDAY REGARDLESS OF EXCUSE. Sorry for the ALL CAPS there, I just had to get my point across. The extra two days gives you plenty of time to get the moves in. Feel free to send me those Dump Day moves earlier (right after you read this if you so desire) just remember that those who are late do not get fruit cup!

And yes, to answer your final question, stats for all moves made next week will begin IMMEDIATELY following the All Star break. That is, any moves made this week will take effect on Thursday, July 17th. So rejoice and be glad, for the kingdom of the 1st division is in your hands! This is the last week you'll have to live with some of these deadbeats on your roster…

A few quick ramblings about what's been going on in the Full Monty and the majors during my past two diary ramblings and then we'll call it a column…

First off, our leader three weeks ago is still our leader now but what was once a very hefty 30 point lead for Matt & The Hat has dwindled down to just a single point! Yes folks, The Prophecy of Kevin Kelly may be coming true as Kevin Shanley's team is about to relinquish it's lead. The Fred Sox lurk just a point out of first and thanks to a plus-15 ½ point week, The Commish and Oracle Kelly himself have High Hard One just two points off the lead in 2nd place. In fact, if you carry the Ratio category totals out to four decimal places, you'll find that High Hard One is just a mere .0002 from ending Shanley's Reign. Hey, it's about time all the rain/reign ended anyway, isn't it? Also, the perfect-80 pitching points is no more, as Matt & The Hat have lost a half point in wins after being caught by Vandalay. And the Saves lead is now precarious at best as well, as Trader Neil, currently in fifth place with a bullet, has acquired two more closers in trades this past week! So my psychic friends, at the risk of placing Kevin Kelly in esteemed company with Dionne Warwick and Madame Cleo, I hereby declare the prophecy fulfilled and the All Pitching Dynasty dead! Of course that being said, I still think my psychotic, er psychic, friend Kevin Kelly needs to get fitted for a Mo Vaughn jersey… Shanley says the rumors of his death are greatly exaggerated, but from a man whose two transactions this week involved dropping Eddie Perez and adding Eduardo Perez, I smell desperation, don't you?

Speaking of deaths that haven't been greatly exaggerated, we've got a new occupant in the league cellar and it's none other than Doug Quat, whose team has now officially hit Quat Bottom, as the Thrusts! find themselves looking up at the rest of the league and are in very serious danger of being stripped of their exclamation point!… And could the RATS (the 1-800 toll free variety) have a few more guys on their Reserve List? It was 10 at last count and I hear that Ken Griffey's feeling a little queasy these days…

Moving over to the majors, exactly how many non-Japanese fans do you think voted for Hideki Matsui? Is this fair? I mean, the entire country of Japan is voting for Matsui and Ichiro and poor old Carl Everett, whose arguably having a better season than Matsui, can't get any love because he doesn't even have a home town anymore, having been traded from Texas to Chicago, much less the backing of an entire country! And that's not the only All Star voting controversy either. I hear the French are protesting the entire National League outfield vote, instead of Pujols, Bonds and Sheffield, I here Jacques de Villepin is calling for a Security Council vote to get Sammy Sosa, Jacques Chirac and Hans Blix into the game. "Cork, what cork?" (Or "Que corque?" en francais) "Show us zee proof of this cork and we will send Hans and his team of weapons inspectors into Wrigley. Until then, France stands united and Sammy should be in the game!"

"Waiter, I'd like to order one college baseball championship with a side of Rice please."… Anyone else find it strange that Gabe Kapler is now playing for a team whose General Manager is named Epstein? If Gabe's late for practice does he have to have a note from his mom? Will Barbarino and Horshack soon become the new Red Sox double play combo? Is Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington the latest power hitter to come through Pawtucket? And what does Mr. Woodman think about all of this? How does one pronounce Bill Mueller's last name? I want answers… And staying with the Sox, how about Bruce Springsteen selling out two concerts on September 6th and 7th at Fenway? I think it's really awesome that The Boss (Springsteen not Steinbrenner) is playing a concert Fenway Park. But if I'm Bruce, I'm a little nervous about having Brandon Lyon coming in and screwing up the encore. Perhaps we need a new song parody about the Sox bullpen? "Gory Days" anyone? "I had a friend, was a big bullpen pitcher, back in high school"…

Actually it's not fair to pick on the Sox after they absolutely pounded the Yankee pitching in the first two games of their series this past week. Nice to see Roger and The Fat Guy take one on the double-chin, eh? However, the Yanks took the next two to even the series so what started out looking so promising for Sox fans turned sour once again. However, what happened in Monday's final game defies description. After Pedro Martinez hit BOTH Alfonso Soriano and Derek Jeter on the wrists to start the game, sending both Yankee stars to the hospital, there was no Yankee retaliation to be found anywhere. None! So when exactly did Mike Mussina turn into Shawn Estes (who you might remember missed Roger Clemens after Roger finally got to bat at Shea)? Your top two batters get hit and not one Red Sox batter has to so much as dust off his behind or adjust his cap after a high hard one? An absolute disgrace if you ask me! Could we go a little more "girlie mon", Mr. Torre? I guarantee George will have something to say about this on Tuesday. "Somebody get me Costanza!"… I just hope the Yanks don't wait until they get back to Fenway to exact revenge. I wouldn't want to see Clemens firing a broken bat at Bruce Springsteen during "10th Avenue Freeze Out" or anything! Because then Clarence Clemons would have to charge the mound and we'd have an all-Clemens/Clemons brawl going on and things would get real ugly if Bruce's wife and Hideki Matsui mixed it up! "I didn't vote for you…"

And finally, it's "au revoir Alomar"! Any other Met fans care to get in line to drive Armando Benitez to the airport the minute he's traded away from Shea? Better hurry, the line's getting long, we're already stretching from Gate A to the Pepsi Picnic Area… Speaking of the Mets, as if it's not disgraceful enough that they've lost like 72 straight games to the Yankees so far this season, we now find out that the Mets apparently owe the city of New York something like $4.5 million in back taxes or audit fees, I can't exactly remember which it is. So between Mo Vaughn and The City, the Mets are like $14 million in hock? Does Mo's injury insurance cover this as well? Can they sell that stupid home run apple on eBay to raise some cash? Or perhaps they could sell Mr. Met into slavery…

That's all I've got for this week. Obviously if I'm selling Mr. Met into slavery it's time to call it a night, don't you think? Happy Dump Day to everyone, don't forget to celebrate by getting those picks into me over the All Star break. If we don't talk 'til then, enjoy the All Star Game, as a matter of fact, feel free to go a little wild on next Tuesday night and "tie on one" during the game if you feel so inclined… 'til next week…

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