Happy Dump Day to everyone! Before we begin this week's column (er, technically I guess I've already begun it though, haven't I?) I'd like to thank all of you for your cooperation and getting the transactions (and in some cases, more transactions) to me in a timely manner on Dump Day as I basically blew off an entire day of work to coordinate the transactions for this week (Shh! Don't tell my boss!)… All told we had a total of 45 moves, 31 of which were outright drops of players who were deemed to "suck worse than the 31 guys that replaced them". All but two teams participated this week, those two chose to see what's left out in the other teams' trash next Monday, can't say I blame them, might be some good garbage picking out there! As they say "one man's trash is another man's cash". See the transaction page for all the gory details and don't forget that from here on in you can drop guys virtually at will (provided you still haven't used up your 15 allotted performance moves), starting by feasting over the guys dropped by your competitors this past week. And a reminder that injury moves are still only $1 and don't count against the allotted 15…

Now that we've got that business out of the way, on to the All Star Game. Quite a good game I might add as the National League blew a 4 run lead and didn't even need Armando Benitez' help to do it! Of course as you've all probably heard by now, Armando's a Yankee, actually making him a National League all-star now playing for an American league team. How very Sandis Ozolinsh of him. Warning, hockey joke back there, I hope someone got it. Now I'm not sure how you Yankee fans feel about acquiring Benitez, but as a Met fan my initial reaction was one of sheer and utter joy! With the cross-town rivals making a deal like this I can't help but think about the Spy Vs. Spy comics in the old Mad magazines. You know, the one where the white spy (the Mets) gives the black spy (the Yankees) a pineapple (Armando) and then in the next frame is seen hurrying off in his sports car? Then about three frames later, the pineapple is revealed to actually be a bomb and blows up in the black spy's face as the white spy is seen watching the carnage from a safe hiding spot and chuckling…

Not a bad three days for the Angels' Garret Anderson, eh? First he wins the Home Run Derby, beating out Albert Pujols. Then he wins the All Star Game MVP (which by the way, should've been Blalock's but whose counting). The events of these past three days have now moved Garret Anderson into the Pantheon of Great Garrets where he'll join those already so enshrined, including the likes of 70's pop icon Leif Garret, former Mets third basemen Wayne Garret, Saturday Night Live's Garrett Morris ("beisbol been berry berry good to me"), and everybody's favorite housekeeper, from Different Strokes and The Facts Of Life, Mrs. Garrett. What you talking 'bout Dontrelle Willis?

For me, other All Star Game memories include Edgar Martinez getting beaned by Jason Schmidt. Although I thought Edgar should've then charged the mound. Can you imagine what kind of chaos and confusion would've ensued. I mean, everyone's wearing different uniforms and no one would have any idea who to hit. Kind of like when the WWF has one of those 20 tag-team Battle Royals and like 40 guys are running around the ring like so many zombies from Night Of The Living Dead… Eric Gagne did his best Atlee Hammaker impression, giving up the game winning homer to Blalock and blowing his first save of the season in the process. And for an additional 50 points, can you name the AL all-star who hit that grand slam against Hammaker?… Seattle's Shigetoshi Hasegawa (the "forgotten" Japanese star at the game) gave up as many runs (4) in his fractional inning of work than he has given up all year to this point… Mike Scioscia actually argued a call with one of the umpires. Kind of nice to see he cared enough about that home field advantage thing even though his Angels aren't even making the playoffs, don't ya think? Of course, some Billy Martin dirt kicking, a "Lou Piniella before I turned blonde" base toss and a Lloyd McLendon "I'm taking my base and going home" routine would've been a nice touch as well but I guess you can't have everything…

Speaking of the Pirates manager (that's Lloyd McLendon from the last paragraph for all you owners not named Kevin Shanley who don't pay any attention to the Pirates), what the freak was up with Randall Simon hitting the Milwaukee racing sausage character with a bat? I mean if he felt the urge to beat his meat, there was probably nobody in the clubhouse at the time! If you ask me, I think the whole thing smells like some rotten sausage casing, as word on the street has it that the Bratwurst, who won the ill-fated race (and, whom, by the way, was trailing in the number of races won all season standings), paid a nice hunk of salami to Simon for the little "diversion"! Things that make you go "hmmm"…

Moving back over to the Full Monty, we finally have a new leader and it's rookie Fred Laberge's Fred Sox who take a +10 ride into the top spot and now hold an 11-point lead over the fading Matt & The Hat. Now in reality Fred's as much a rookie as Hideki Matsui, but congratulations are most definitely in order as Monsieur Laberge has piloted his team into first place in his first Full Monty season. Magnifique, non? Now sure there's plenty of baseball left to be played (41% of the season as a matter of fact), but let's see how long The Fred Sox can keep the yellow leader's jersey in this "Tour De France"… On the other side of the coin, The Commish would like to announce that due to the poor, uninspired and downright awful play of Doug Quat's team, the exclamation point has been stripped from the team's name! (But left at the end of that last sentence for effect). From this point forward, and lasting until such time as Doug gets his team out of the cellar ("… and three shall be the number of the counting…), his team will be known as The Quat Thrusts? (with a question mark), or if he prefers to go without punctuation, The Quat Reverse-Thrusts… Oh, and Danny Sheridan has the odds at 3-to-1 for Trade Offer Spammer Brian Legere being able to trade Raul Mondesi before the end of the month. And for yet another 50 points for Gryffindor House, who knows the answer to this question? What do Brian and John Kruk have in common? The answer next week…

"Rickey would like to welcome Rickey back to the major leagues. Just like Randy Newman, Rickey loves L.A.! Playing in Los Angeles has always been a dream of Rickey's since Rickey was a little children. Rickey also would like to say that Rickey enjoyed his brief stay in Newark and Rickey would like to thank the Newark Bears for giving Rickey a chance when no one else wanted Rickey. Rickey would also like to bid The Commish, a good friend of Rickey's, a fond adieu, and thank him for being so kind as to get Rickey into this week's News & Notes column, which is Rickey's favorite weekly reading. Oh and by the way, Rickey would like to state for the record, that Rickey deserves to win an ESPY"…

"Georgie Porgie pudding and pie, Pedro's plunkings made him cry. Next time these two guys teams play. Leadoff batters better run away"… And since we're reciting nursery rhymes like we did when we were in school, I think it's time for a pop quiz! 10 questions about current baseball events, 20 minute time-limit. Number two pencils ready… and go…

1. Please put the following three people in order of "least dead" to "most dead"; Ted Williams, Jimmy Hoffa, Darryl Strawberry

2. If Barry Bonds' 73rd home run ball sells for $450,000 and has to be split amongst two people and one of these people have outstanding legal bills totalling $473,530.32. How much negative equity, calculated in current dollar terms, will Mr. Popov have?

3. How do you pronounce the first name of Houston Astros pitcher Jeriome Robertson. For extra credit how do you pronounce the first name of Harry Potter character Hermione Granger?

4. If Dusty Baker, Tony Pena and Art Howe are all walking across the Mojave Desert, which of the three will be able to withstand the heat the best? Part two, same question, but this time they're walking across the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field.

5. For which team does each of the following players play; Wilkan Ruan, Lew Ford, Julius Matos, and D'Angelo Jimenez.

6. If Brooks Kieschnick goes 3-for-4 with a walk, one double and an RBI and also pitches 2 2/3 innings of relief, giving up 3 hits, one walk and two runs, one earned, then what is his; batting average, slugging average, on-base percentage, ERA and WHIP?

7. Is Carlos Valderrama (A) an all-star soccer player for MLS, (B) a San Francisco Giants outfielder, (C) both, or (D) none of the above.

8. Name three Detroit Tiger starting pitchers. Part two, name one with less than 10 losses.

9. Sammy Sosa takes a 34-inch, 36 ounce regulation Louisville Slugger and fills in with 20 standard wine corks. Please calculate (a) the volume and surface area of the bat, and (b) the percentage of the bat's volume being consumed by cork.

10. If next year's All Star Game ends in a tie, which league gets home field advantage in the World Series?

OK, times up! Please put down your pencils and bring your tests to me. I'll score them and get your grades back to you by this time next week. The top two scorers in the league move up to the Premier Division and can "spend it like Beckham"; while the bottom two scorers are relegated to playing teams like Wrexham, the Bristol Rovers and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays… Well that's about all I've got the time and space for this week folks! Enjoy the 2nd half (actually the final 41%) of the season. 'til next week…

COMMISH'S NOTE: No Questec machines were harmed in the writing of this column.