Hello everyone and welcome to The Trading Deadline! Well, it's actually like 5 days past the trading deadline, but who's counting? OK, then Welcome to Beyond The Trading Deadline… While the majors were unusually quiet, our league had quite a lot of trading activity right up to the deadline. Let's recap some of the major deals that went down, on both the MLB and The Full Monty front…

Leading off the analysis we've got the now annual 10-plus player blockbuster deal between Charlie Baker and Neil Eskow (they don't call him Trader Neil for nothing!), which this season was basically a Soriano for Gagne swap with all the usual accoutrements (which Fred will tell us roughly translates into "extra players thrown in for excitement and general awe to bring the total to 11"). One the one side Marcus (not Brian) Giles, Wes (not Jesse) Helms, Jeff Davanon (the Puerto Rican HR Champion), Brandon "Spider" Webb and the injured Troy Glaus become members of "You're Killing Me Smalls". And balancing out the rest of the field are the newest members of Sucks 2 Be Me, Jeff Conine "The Barbarian", Kenny (not James although Neil is a Bills fan) Lofton, Cory (not Haim, Hart or Feldman) Lidle and Matt (not LeBlanc, who plays Joey on Friends) Mantei. A blockbuster indeed and easily the most ambitious trade made this past week. Nice job guys, now let's see if either of these teams can finish in the money…

The next deal I'd like to discuss is the Red Sox - Pirates anti-deal in which every player involved in that ill fated "is Brandon Lyon injured or isn't he deal" was traded back to their original clubs with the exception of Scott Sauerbeck, who remained a Red Sock. Then, the Sox proceeded to trade Freddy Sanchez to the Pirates for Jeff Suppan in what to me is the greatest sleight of hand since Harry Anderson guest starred on "Cheers" in the pre-Night Court days! Can you say "do you have two twenties for a ten"? When the dust clears on this deal the Sox get BOTH Sauerbeck and Suppan for Freddy Sanchez? Come on, who's minding the store for Pittsburgh? Kudos to (the GM formerly know as the 29 year old) Theo Epstein for pulling a Trader Neil on the Pirates! Note to Pittsburgh GM Dave Littlefield, you might want to count your fingers now and see if you reach double digits. And in another deal, the Sox also got Scott Williamson from the Reds in exchange for minor league pitcher Phil Dumatrait, which Fred will also tell us is "en francais" for "dumb ass". Way to go Theo, rape and pillage baby!

From the Sox let's move back over to The Full Monty where our resident Sox fan, Intentional Walt Cherniak made a very nice 4-for-4 deal with everyone's favorite trading tease, Brian Legere. Yes folks, Brian actually was able to make a deal and it looks like it's going to be Turner South for the Breaking Balls as they acquire Atlanta Braves Gary Sheffield, Robert Fick and Horacio Ramirez, along with the Astros' Brad Lidge from the Walts. In return, The Intentional One gets some solid starting pitching, in Kevin Millwood and Jamie Moyer (who I do believe might actually be older than Walt), and some speed in San Fran's Ray "Bull" Durham and Oakland's Eric "Gracie and" Byrnes. An excellent deal on both sides that addresses each team's primary need, but Walt tell us the truth here please. Exactly how many e-mails and how many paragraphs of Brian's "expert" analysis were necessary to get this deal done…

Speaking of Brian and done deals, it looks like Raul Mondesi finally got traded! Although he's still on Brian's team? You see, taking a cue from Brian, the Yankees dealt their disgruntled right fielder to Arizona for David Dellucci and reliever Bret "Freddie" Prinz. The deal almost didn't go off as the D'Backs were hesitant to pull the trigger. However, once Yankee GM Brian Cashman forwarded them Brian Legere's well crafted e-mail about why anyone would want to trade for Raul, the deal was quickly done! But wait, the Yankees were not finished this deadline day, no. For you see, the sun never sets on The Evil Empire. Knowing they had to do something, lest they be shown up by young Trader Theo, the Bronx Bombers got themselves out of a pickle by acquiring Aaron Boone from Cincinnati in exchange for minor league phenom Brandon Claussen (get it, Claussen, pickle…). But wait, that's not all! "Johnny, Tell them what else they've won!" "Well in addition to Boone and Dellucci, the Yankees will also go home with these parting gifts: Rice-A-Roni (the San Francisco Treat), reliever Gabe White, Turtle Wax (for that new car finish), Bubba Crosby (from the Dodgers for the no longer necessary Robin Ventura to replace Bubba Trammell as the 2nd best "Bubba" in New York, trailing only Bill Clinton), and a copy of "Panic Trading - The Home Game"…

Now I see all Mr. Moneyball, A's GM Billy Beane, could do was get Jose Guillen from the Reds for Aaron Harang? But not to worry, if it's an A's trade you're looking for, look no further than The Quat Thrusts! owner Doug Quat, who annually trades his best Oakland player to Kevin Kelly (remember Jason Giambi's MVP season and that ill-fated Omar Daal trade? Oh well, at least you got Helton. And wasn't Tejada involved in a Kelly/Quat SwapFest once too?). This season's deal became a 3-for as The Thrusts sent Barry "I'm 8-9 and I want my teddy bear" Zito, JD Drew "Barrymore" and Eric Hinske to High Hard One in exchange for Mike Cameron "Diaz" (notice the clever Barrymore/Diaz swap of Charlie's Angels Bermanisms!), Aubrey Huff and Tim Redding. Hey, Huff and Redding? As in "Little Red Riding Hood (or Ride Redding Hood?) and the Big Bad Wolf who'll "Huff and puff and blow your house down". Poor planning fellas, perhaps you needed to get the owner of Randy Wolf in there for a three-way?

And our last trade of note will be the Baltimore Orioles pulling a fast one on the Giants as they get a little "San Francisco treat" of their own by acquiring Damien Moss and Kurt Ainsworth in exchange for Sir Sidney Ponson, who was recently crowned a knight in his home country of Aruba. Uh oh, excuse me for a second while I channel some more "Monty Python and The Holy Grail"…

We're knights of the Round Table, we dance whene'er we're able. We do routines and chorus scenes with footwork impec-cable, We dine well here in Camelot, we eat ham and jam and Spam a lot. / We're knights of the Round Table, our shows are for-mi-dable. But many times we're given rhymes that are quite un-sing-able, We're opera mad in Camelot, we sing from the diaphragm a lot. / In war we're tough and able, Quite in-de-fa-ti-gable. Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable / It's a busy life in Camelot… I have to push the pram a lot…

Never mind, let's not go there. It's such a silly place… So if the Giants were so hungry for pitching can anyone explain to me why they traded two of their young starters for a guy who's a free agent next season and wants "Hey I'm a knight now" kind of money? Was Theo or Trader Neil involved in this in any way? I want a complete investigation…

And finally, before I leave you for another week, let me just note that we're now looking at what appears to be a two-team race for the final two months of The Full Monty season. Actually it's looking more like a "course de deux equipes" as The Commish and Fred Laberge are turning this into a real Tour De France. Oh and let's not leave out everyone's favorite domestique, Kevin Kelly, who's playing Bernard Hincapie to The Commish's Lance Armstrong. The Fred Sox have the yellow jersey for now, but we're heading to The Alps with High Hard One a mere 4 points behind. We've got approximately eight weeks left folks, let's see what everyone's got, including all those teams that are currently "out of the money". Need I remind you that on at least two separate occasions, we've had teams go from last place to "in the money" after The Trading Deadline! So don't give up, keep making those moves, even if they are two dollars a pop. Don't worry about the money, come April it's all tax deductible (I wish!)… 'til next week…

P.S. Twitchie's favorite ball player was none other than Andres "The Big Cat" Galarraga!

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