Designated Hitter. Relegated sitter.

Career in Seattle. Year's been a battle.

Edgar Martinez. In the Hall of Fame, yes?

What's all this free prose above you might ask? Why it's the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner! The man who some say redefined the DH position has finally announced his retirement, effective at the end of this season. Edgar will be remembered for many things, including his veteran leadership on a team that won 116 games in 2001. But what I think Martinez is going to be remembered for most, especially by fantasy league owners, is the fact that he was never position eligible at any spot other than the old DH/UT spot! We've all been there, early in the third or fourth round, thinking of picking the Ancient Mariner and his guaranteed .300-30-100. But by drafting Edgar early you ran the risk or creating "roster cholesterol" by clogging up your flexibility for the later rounds. A round say somewhere in the mid-teens where you could perform Draft Day sleight of hand such as "move Tony Phillips from UT to the OF, shift Darin Erstad to 1B, slide Tino Martinez to the 1/3 corner, which pushes Wade Boggs to the 3B slot, and let me have Randy Velarde. And then the whole thing would start over again next round with Velarde moving to the OF, Phillips to 3B, yada, yada, yada… So it's Edgar this season and most likely we'll see Ellis Burks go gently into thy sweet night next year. Then I fear we've come to the end of a fantasy baseball era. Yes folks, gone will be the days of the "UT only" superstar. Cherish Erubiel Durazo and Travis Hafner while you can…

So what is going on this week? I see that the Blue Jays have fired manager Carlos Tosca. Tosaca will be replaced by John Gibbons for the rest of the season. Some of you might recall that John Gibbons was a seldom used Mets backup catcher who got 50 AB from 1984 - 1986. Remember my conspiracy theory from last season about backup catchers becoming managers? Don't get me started… To me the name Carlos Tosca never really sounded like a baseball manager, did you feel that way too? Maybe a famous Colombian coffee magnate like that Juan Valdez guy? Or even an opera singer perhaps? Who knows, maybe Carlos was the Fourth Tenor? Well even if that's so my sources tell me there's no truth to the rumors that Tosca will be replaced by Luciano Pavarotti or that Enrico Palazzo guy from "The Naked Gun"…

Speaking of guns, how's about this blockbuster deal that Doug and Fred pulled the trigger on this past week? It's by far our biggest ever August deal! Taking advantage of the "extended" league trading deadline, and the fact that their teams were only 2 places apart in the standings, the Fred Sox and Quat Thrusts exchanged 6 superstars (well at least 5), including two disgruntled ex-Red Sox. Garciaparra and Carlos Beltran are now Thrusts and Livan's leaving the Fred Sox (but he shall still be a good man for Doug). Coming over to the French Quarter are Rafael Furcal, Roger Clemens (Le Rockette) and that Ichiro guy. Rumors were rampant all week that Nomar forced his trade from the Fred Sox after telling Fred his Achilles heel wouldn't allow him to play anymore this season after he overheard Fred talking to Piano Man Kalach about a deal for Alex Rodriguez…

I'd like to thank all of you for participating in the Dustin Hermanson/Chase Utley sweepstakes this week, and I do mean all of you! Not a single team that made a transaction (or attempted to make one) this week failed to list one of those two guys amongst their choices. Two lucky owners got what they came for. For the rest of you, we have "parting gifts", including Turtle Wax, Rice-A-Ronnie Belliard, a copy of "Full Monty" - The Home Game, and an invitation to come back next week when we all try to add J.J. Putz and Nate Field to our pitching staffs…

And finally, we must have a moment of silence for Rick James, that "superfreak" who passed away this week from "natural causes". Natural as in there was nothing artificial in his pure cut cocaine… Anyway, we'll always remember Rick as that guy you wouldn't bring home to mother. He would never let your spirits down, well once you got him off the street at least. We'll remember James from his head down to his toenails. Rick James, Super Freak, 1948 - 2004, I think M.C. Hammer covered it best, you can't touch him… 'til next week…