As I sit here writing this on Monday afternoon, two things are happening almost simultaneously on the "labor" front. First, the players union is holding a meeting to determine whether or not to set a strike date. Secondly, Kevin Kelly's wife Anna could begin going into labor any minute now as she delivers the couple's first child. So by the time I finish writing this column, the outcome of these two "labor" events may be two things that we hoped we'd never see, another baseball strike and Kevin Kelly changing a diaper! Seriously though, here's to hoping for a healthy baby Kelly and a no-strike vote…

More news from the family of Ted Williams. Ted's son John Henry Williams has officially put an end to his attempt to play pro baseball, leaving the Red Sox single-A team. Guess you can say he's put his dreams of a pro career "on ice", eh? And this just in… The Williams' children are now obviously escalating their own little inter family feud, and instead of arguing over the state of Papa Ted's body, they are now also feuding over his collection of autographed bats! First Ted's frozen body and now Ted's bats! As Dougie Quat points out, "Thank heavens they're not feuding over his balls!". Hang on Doug, that will be next week. Now which balls will be the question. The flash frozen ones or the autographed ones? Or maybe before Ted's death, John Henry had Ted autograph his own, oh never mind I'm not going there! And just how much longer do we have to wait before a reality television show following the antics of the Williams' family replaces the Anna Nicole show? Guess Tom Hanks was right when he said, "there's no cryonics in baseball"…

Sammy Sosa, hits three 3 run homers and drives in 14 runs in just two games at Coors Field this past weekend! Flintstone vitamins, eh Sammy? Then what do you say we go down to the nearest LabCorp and get tested for "Betty"? Or is it "Wilma" that's giving you all this power? Oh, and Rick Reilly says hello by the way… Barry Bonds, no Flintstones chewables for him, it's all creatine, hit his 600th career homer this past week putting him into some elite company. Bonds joins Henry Aaron, Babe Ruth and Willie Mays as the only players in history to hit 600 career homers. Bonds now has an outside shot at breaking the all-time home run record, needing just 156 more to pass Aaron. But what's more noteworthy about this event is that the baseball was caught by one person, and that person now has sole possession of it! No lawsuits, no instant replays to determine possession, no Sports Illustrated articles, nothing. One man, one ball, one helluva fight for the ball and one bloody face. Did you see that guy? Dives right into the scrum and comes up with the ball and half his face ripped off, looking like the Tommy Lee Jones character, Two Face, from the original Batman movie! Hmm, let's see, sell the ball for about 300K, minus the cost of plastic surgery and a lifetime of plotting revenge against Barry Bonds for leaving me this disfigured man. Perhaps get half a mask, sign a little opera and who knows…

And yet another sad day in the Cardinals family, as Hall of Famer and former St. Louis outfielder Enos "Country" Slaughter has passed away at the age of 86. Now I don't want to go off on a rant here but to compensate for the passing of the great outfielder, scientists at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation in Scottsdale, Arizona have agreed to biomedically combine the DNA of Enos, the deputy from the Dukes of Hazzard, former NBA player Bryant "Big Country" Reeves and Sgt. Slaughter. The resulting clone, Enos "Big Country" Slaughter will remain frozen until such time as WWE owner Vince McMahon can acquire the body. Mr. McMahon will then allow this cloned behemoth to enter the steel cage with John Henry Williams, where Teddy's son will proceed to get the living you-know-what beat out him with a Ted Williams autographed bat in front of a live WWE Raw audience, when by the way will be picked up by NESN just for the occasion…

Man, what the hell did I eat for lunch? If that last paragraph wasn't a Dennis Miller meets Kafka-esque romp through the mind of an obviously mentally disturbed commissioner, then I don't know what to tell you! Guess I've been watching way too much professional wrestling these days. That's it, starting tonight, no more WWE for me. I'm going to go home and watch some Women's Professional Soccer tonight on the dish… And speaking of television and auto racing, well at least television, how about actor Jason Priestly crashing almost being paralyzed after his car slammed into the Kentucky Speedway wall at about 180 mph? Talk about your 9-0-2-1-Ow !!!

Well, I think I'm going to make it a short one this week, no a lot of big major news going on in the majors other than this God forsaken talk about setting a strike date and I don't feel like rambling on about that for another two paragraphs, or setting to music how much I despise Bud Selig right now. Here's to hoping the union gives us at least another two weeks to try to chase Brian Legere out of first place! And if we don't and a strike wipes out the season, can you say "asterisk"? Oh, and Kevin Kelly, please keep us all informed on your impending fatherhood, will you? 'til next week…