… and it's one, one, one strike you're out at the old ball game! But before we go there, let me give everyone a quick update on the Full Monty Fantasy Baseball League's very own "labor" situation. We've got not one, but two, baby announcements to make this week. No, nobody had Minnesota Twins! Two separate owners, two separate babies, both girls, however. First we have to welcome Elizabeth Teresa Flinn into the world. Yes, you can say she came "in like Flinn". Elizabeth was born last Saturday, August 10th, weighed in at 7 pounds, 14 ounces and was 20 ˝ inches long and now joins brother K.C. as the newest member of the Flinn roster. Then just this past Sunday, August 18th, Melissa Lynn Kelly made her first appearance out of the Kelly bullpen. Melissa balances the scales at an even 7 pounds and, like Baby Flinn, is also 20 ˝ inches long. And we're happy to report that all babies and their respective Moms are in good health! Congratulations to Christine Flinn and Anna Kelly on the arrival of their new daughters and congratulations to both Mike Flinn and Kevin Kelly on their 20 1/2 inchers! Er, perhaps I need to rephrase that last sentence? Well, you know what I mean…

Now about that other labor problem we seem to be having… So it's finally come down. The line has been drawn in the sand and the union has set August 30th as the day of reckoning. If the players and owners cannot come to an agreement by then, it's N'Sync time for Major League Baseball. That's N'Sync as in "Bye Bye Bye"! Definitely not a good situation to be in, in fact I bet that Ty Cobb is turning over in his grave and Ted Williams is… Well actually, I bet Ted Williams is not doing much of anything as he's currently encased in a block of ice that would quite limit his ability to "turn over in his grave", even if he wanted too!

If the two sides shut the game down and hold their respective lines, who knows how long this strike's going to last? Matter of fact, we probably won't see an agreeable settlement until pigs fly, Hell freezes over AND Ted Williams thaws out! I'm going to reserve any further comments on this deplorable situation in the hopes that both sides can compromise and come to an agreement before I need to go off on a four page rant or rewrite the lyrics to American Pie one more time. "And they were singing, bye, bye, to our good old pastime. Don Fehr talked to Selig but the banter was dry. All baseball fans can only stand by, singing this will be the day our game dies. This will be the day our game dies…"

On a much lighter note how about this rookie outfielder that was just brought up to the majors by the Cleveland Indians? His name is Coco Crisp. Yes, that's right, Coco Crisp, as in "sounds like a breakfast cereal". Has Chris Berman dubbed him "Super Sugar" Crisp yet? Or even better, how about going "koo koo" for Coco Crisp? Can you see that crazy Cocoa Puffs bird running around the outfield at The Jake? Now all we need is the San Diego Chicken, a glass of milk and a few of the sausage mascots from Miller Park and we've got ourselves a well balanced meal. Or just like they do in Milwaukee, perhaps we could have a between innings race faeturing Coco Crisp, Captain Crunch, Count Chocula, the Trix rabbit and the Lucky Charms guy? All this talk about guys with funny names reminds me of something I've been meaning to ask the Red Sox fans. Whatever happened to Pork Chop Pough? He's got to be playing somewhere in the independent leagues…

And while we're talking about team mascots, I heard a rumor that Mr. Met has hung himself from the Shea Stadium scoreboard… "Thank you for calling the Mets fan suicide prevention hot line, all of our operators are currently busy serving other customers, please hold. Your call is important to us and will be handled in the order it was received. You are currently customer number 52,357 in our queue. While you wait, please enjoy a non-stop dance mix of "Who Let The Dogs Out". All calls may be taped for quality purposes." Mets manager Bobby Valentine recently had this to say about his team's recent eight-game losing streak, which includes eleven straight losses at home. "… It's killing me, it's killing my folks, it's killing my family, it's killing my dogs, it's just terrible! …" Uh, Bobby? Don't you think it's time YOU "let the dogs out" (Woof! Woof!)?

Finally, a reminder that should the season be temporarily halted due to a player's strike, we'll just pick our league up where we left off, when the players return (if they return that is). The first Monday following The Return will be the next transaction day. Should the regular season be officially declared over before an agreement is reached, whichever team's on top when we halt play will be declared the winner, and receive all the accolades and asterisks reserved for such an accomplishment. I'll calculate the stats as of the final day of play (since August 30th is a Friday) and we'll go by those. For the record, Brian Legere, owner of current leader Pitching (and Diaper) Change, officially says "bring on the asterisk, I'll take it!". Again, let's hope it doesn't come to this and we'll cross bridges as we come to them, not like we all haven't been here before! Back in 1994 when Brian Boghosian's rearviewmirror squad benefited from the strike to take the Mid Atlantic Rotisserie Baseball League (MARBLE) title by one point over the hard charging up 'til then Technology Bytes team of Ian Morris. And over in the Monty Burns Liver Spots League (MBLSL) where Doug Quat took the asterisked title, a four point victory, over Mark Robinson's Racing Swine. And while we're reminiscing, if I may borrow a phrase from Alanis Morrisette, isn't it ironic that Minnesota is leading the pre-strike AL Central while back in '94 just before the strike, Montreal had been sitting atop the NL East? I think there's a little more to this contraction thing than we first believed, eh?

Well that's about all I've got time for this week. I've got a lot of prep work to get done before this Saturday's upcoming All My Rowdy Friends Fantasy Football League draft. Once again, congratulations to all the new and second time parents out there. Keep the babies coming, we want at least two generations to enjoy this league! And a final word of advice if I may? Before the kids get too old, make them sign a promise that they will never have their parents' dead bodies frozen. Unless of course you like that sort of thing and you hope to one day see Ted Williams step into the batter's box against Danny Almonte III. 'til next week (and hopefully many weeks beyond that)…