December 23, 2013

Twas the night before Christmas and amongst Rowdy Friends
It was time for the league's holiday poem once again
Why do we do this? Let me tell you the reason
Why to celebrate another fine Rowdy Friends season

So the Commish settled down with his pen quill and ink
Of course he still writes longhand what did you think?
He's a high tech manager in the field of I.T.
But look at our web site it's so 2003!

As he scratched on the parchment his mind came alive
When suddenly there came a loud noise from outside
He sprang from his desk to look for the cause
And what he saw out the window gave him a pause

For their was a collision involving two sleds
Each was manned by four reindeer and a guy dressed in red
One had come from The East the other The West
And the wreckage they caused, it was quite a mess

As the reindeer got up and the red guys de-sleighed
My wits had recovered but my thoughts were dismayed
For I never thought I'd behold such a sight
But it appears we've got two Christmas Santas tonight!

First up was Santa Jim Flinn, rising from the lawn
Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.
Then Santa Mike Flinn hailing from California
And he was not happy, quite angry I tell ya

Hey watch where you're going the younger Flinn Santa shouted
(I can't write on paper what the older Flinn Santa then mouthed)
No, you crashed into me, I'm telling our mother!
Wow, these guys are worse then those Snow and Heat Miser Brothers

Well forget it for now, we made it here anyway
You go get The Commish and I'll call Triple-A
So outside I went to talk with the Santa brothers
They said in unison "go gather the others"

The sleighs may have crashed but the gifts are intact
Got to give them out to the owners, don't want to take them back
So I made some quick calls to get folks to my home
And before you all go there, no it was not a flip phone

Eskow, Baker, two Lermans and Mastrangelo
Young Legere, Thomas Glass and Fab Sparacino
Kelly, Koval, both Bamricks and Rob Hanratty
Cardoza, Russ Jones, dos Malures and rook Lenny

Some owners came on-line while others were present
It was time for Flinn Santas to distribute the presents
We'll call out the teams from last place to first
And hey lookee here, guess who goes first as the worst?

The first gift from the bag was of course for the Flinns
Who've scored lots of points but have very few wins
The very first gift to be bestowed tonight
A nice green hunk of that rock, Flinntonite

Next up the Lermans, whose season did go
Somewhere quite further than just over the rainbow
Here's a pot of gold and some Charms that are Lucky
To improve player health and make transactions more timely

A long losing streak for Don't Touchdown There
Brings us to the present for Glass and Legere
With all the losing, can't keep that team name next year
So here's your new name, "No Field Goals, Right Here!"

When it comes to the rookies, the choices are plenty
So what shall we give to our new owner Lenny?
Silver "Le'Veon" Bells, Star Wars droids by the dozens
and a photo of RG3 and all of his Cousins

For our old friend Fab, there can be no one greater
Let's break out the Holiday-gift-i-nator
For the problem you share with your friends Santas Flinn
A week where you actually score 50 and win!

What have we for the Bamricks? Come place your bets
why it's lots of green clothing and more J-E-S-T, Jets!
Four "Flinns Don't Suck" shirts (though we do this year we know)
And a autographed photo signed by Smith comma Geno

Randy T isn't dead and Rodgers ain't back.. yet
So this middle of the pack season is what you boys get
For Charlie better relations with Joe through next season
And for Joe, a new owner named Kang the Korean

The Best One's not last, least not this time around
Though the gifts for Russ Jones are all quite profound
Less fumbles for Ridley, more TDs for Garcon
And a win next week so you move up to Division One

Next giftee's The Commish, what's in here, let's see
For Kevin and JL, last in scoring, a bushel of TDs
Sixth place, seventh draft pick is where they're now standing
Could they possibly be Canning for Eli Manning?

Now Mr. Hanratty the San Francisco treat
Been Twerking all season, been a hard one to beat
Got a nice poster here of Hannah Montana (Not Joe)
And one thing you've not won yet, the weekly high points dough

Nick and Bobby Migliore with the Binder Boyz label
Alas, the three peat is pretty much off the table
Best wishes for second, then 1-1-2 you'll have had
If I can paraphrase Meatloaf, Three Out Of Four Ain't Bad

Consider Mr. Cardoza, the options are few
For the man who has just one real leg, not two
The Leg Lamp from "A Christmas Story", to light and infuse him
And ZZ Tops "Legs" .45, for they know how to use them

This guy likes to tell you QBs are not his Forte
But he may be playing for the title come next Sunday
To Eddie K, always there behind the glass
Don's spare leg for kicking some Innocent ass

Neil's the last one and let's not be mistaken
All this success has been due to that guy named Peyton
But let's not dismiss him just because he picked first
He named his team after Hernandez and should've been cursed

So as Eskow tries to finish his worst to first feat
We've got a gift right here for him that I'm sure he'll find neat
Courtesy of The Commish and the two Santas Flinn
A huge SI cover proclaiming his fourth Rowdy Friends win

With the gift giving over, it was time to adjourn
And to their respective coasts the Flinn Santas return
So they jacked up the reindeer and cleaned up the trash
Also agreed on their flight paths so they would not again crash

When all was prepared, they started to go
And the reindeer got moving through what's left of the snow
Hey wait, those aren't reindeer, what's this that I see?
Why it appears to be eight NFL backup QBs!

Now Clemens, Now Matt Flynn, Now McCown, Now McGloin
On Tolzien, Thad Lewis, On Tuel, On McCoy
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall
Now dash away, sprint away, roll out away all

And I heard them exclaim as they flew out of sight
Merry Christmas to all and to all Flinntonite!

November 26, 2013

Once again it's time for our annual Rowdy Friends Thanksgiving Week tradition! Behold this season's first Sports Illustrated Cover jinx! Sorry Neil, we can't just let you gun..., er sorry, run... away with this thing! Happy Bird Day to everyone!