So let me make sure I've got this straight. That's a right turn onto Parks Road, then the next left onto Appletree. Follow up the hill to Redwood and make a right. Follow Redwood up the hill with all the big houses on it (my god, what do we pay The Commish!?), then take the 2nd left onto Birch Run (and back to the normal size houses), I'm the 7 house on the right, just past the two guys with the leaf blowers… Man, what the f*** was up with all that traffic?! Those of you in the Chat Room sure made the right location decision as downed power lines right in front of my street caused major traffic delays and put yours truly in the unenviable position of having to guide all drafters into my house via cell phone. "OK, now take the altimeter and push it all the way up. Got that? OK, keep your nose up and make the plane level with the horizon…"

But for those who did finish the journey and make it to Draft Central a fun time was had by all. Draft Day highlights included a trimmed down Kevin Kelly and Mike Malure. We had Neil playing beekeeper, trapping the pesky insects in The Sandwich Dome (Hey Neil, "We don't need another hero"). A rare public appearance in the 'burbs was made by Rob, and later reported in the New York Post's Page Six ("which Trent Dilfer lookalike was spotted on Route 80 heading West…") column. We had a few cell phone picks from Pittsburgh courtesy Russ "Smarty" Jones (including the highest drafted kicker in league history), the football draft cherry poppin' of Big Daddy Don Cardoza and a quiet, reserved Caruso War Room. Now I'm not sure if this was due to the fact that there was no kitchen setting to draft in or the fact that Guy had no one to fight with as Brother Joe was busy doing the chef thing.

We also had Brian Legere running the chat without once typing a "y'all". Brian's partner, Cousin Brucie "Why Am I A Dolphin Fan" Lerman made the team's picks despite getting a mid-draft phone call from his son Alex, telling him the his goldfish "Costello" had been found "floating on top of the tank". Hey Abbbboottt! Get me the skimmer… Kenny Bamrick was lounging out on the chaise between back-to-back corner picks, recovering from his cross-county driving Tour De Morris County and the usual Binder Boys shocker shook the early rounds. Can you say "Daunte and Brady"? Way to go Nick! Shake those guys up a bit, you don't need no stinkin' running backs! Somebody get Bobby another O'Doul's he's getting all kinds of cray-zee! And of course the required "gotta have 'em's!" and "oh sh*t, I wanted him's", and the always dangerous "kicker run", occuring as a league record nine, yes count 'em, nine kickers were taken in Round six, topped off by a near-riot breaking out when Shayne Graham's name was called. Er, guys? This is the Bengals kicker we're talking about, isn't it?…

Chat room shenanigans included many virtual dissings of Mike Flinn, including a few from his own teammates, a very Newhart-esque, "this is my partner Jim [Flinn] and my other partner Jim [Murray]", even though his wife was due to deliver their 3rd child at anytime. Brian Boghosian's PC finally lasting a full draft without crashing, Fabrizio drafting Tom Jones the singing running back (well "It's Not Unusual" I guess…). A late cameo was made by Speedo Joe to tell us "sorry guys no baby yet" and of course, perhaps the biggest shocker of all, Ian and Chris once again missing their wake up call and failing to show up for the draft!

I think that was the most fun we've had on Draft Day since Sarah Legere threw Kevin Kelly out of her apartment for drafting Jeff Hostetler and Tim Brown! (Not realizing all along it was the Brothers Malure who should've been penalized 15 yards for illegal use of couch cushion)… Or maybe it wasn't quite as much fun as the Staten Island Draft at Chez Kelly where Brian Legere discovered Tampax could be used to prevent underarm perspiration?… Well no matter how much fun it was, I still missed the homeless guy by Hanratty's place. I wonder how his mom's doing with that fig tree? Oh wait, those weren't figs growing on that tree, were they?…

So if I may quote Greg Lake, "Welcome back my friend to the show that never ends! We're so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside"… Yes, come and see the show indeed! The 14th Annual All My Rowdy Friends Fantasy Football League is right this way, just follow me and pay no attention to the man behind the curtain…

Tough week for Fabrizio whose Growing Up Goal Line team dropped a very high scoring 65 - 54 decision to Brian Boghosian's Genco Olive Oil Company in our first ever matchup of mob related team names. Not only did Brian move in on Fab's "turf", stealing his mojo with his Godfather tribute franchise name, but Brian's Quentin Griffin and Priest Holmes ran the score up on Fab in the Sunday Night Game, a diss that I'm sure won't be forgotten! Actually 7 of the 14 double-digit (non kicker) scorers were playing in this game, and had Fab played anyone else, he'd be in 2nd place right now instead of the 8th place he finds himself in. Actually, Quentin Griffin cost Fab two games this week as the team he played in his other league also had the Q-Man. Let's see if Mr. Griffin wakes up on Sunday morning with his own helmet on the pillow next to him. Why his own helmet? Well the Broncos logo is a horse's head, isn't it?…

It was certainly not a beautiful day in Mister Charles Rogers' neighborhood as Best One lost their inaugural franchise game and their "Best Two" receiver, dropping a 35 - 25 decision to the law firm of Machiedo, Legere and Kelly, a.k.a. Got MiLK?. Hello kids and welcome to Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, can you say "broken clavicle"? I knew that you could… Team MiLK rode the hot hands of their "Ington" QB's (Penn and Harr) and got a nice two-TD game from The Human Highlight Film, Texan RB "Dominque" Davis. Don't worry Russ, all the rookies lost this week so it's a dead-tie for Rookie of the Year right now, welcome to the club!…

The defending champs, Joe and Charlie's Franks and Beans, are off to a good start, coming out of the gate with a 47 - 38 victory over Flinn and the Jims' Wardrobe Malfunction. Not to worry about the Wardrobe, we had this game on a five second delay. Actually, longer delays were planned as each team had the possibility of an impending birth to deal with. I even made the suggestion that if a baby was in fact born during the draft, the kid would have to be named after the last player taken by that team! Notice how long Joe stayed away from selecting Bubba Franks (Round 11)? Can't have another baby in Florida named Bubba… Mike was forced to hold off on his kicker selection for fear of having a boy named Vanderjagt Flinn! Although what Mike could've done was gone for the Bengals QB and wound up with the very cool sounding Carson Flinn, no? Hey either way, at least that way, you'd avoid having another "Jim" hanging around…

Neil's Sucks 2 B Me won their first game, 38 - 33 against the Dead Fish of Brian and Bruce. G'day Bruce! Well maybe not so good a day… With Neil coming off finishes of 1st-2nd-and-2nd place the last three seasons, and him now being 1 - 0, does this mean I need to get a Sports Illustrated cover ready for next week's News & Notes… With the draft now behind us, Brian and Bruce must part ways as Brian returns to his new home in Midlothian, Virginia. Brian leaves the team in Bruce's hands for the remainder of the season while he concentrates on getting his new job started and getting his family settled in their new home. Any takers on the over/under of three weeks until the annual "Woe is me, my team sucks and so do the Raiders" e-mail comes into our in-boxes from Brian? Bruce, welcome aboard…

Don Cardoza, another candidate for the Rookie of the Year, was left shaking his head late in the draft and muttering "I don't like my team". Well let me let you in on a little league secret Don. NO ONE likes their team after the draft. No one! Well maybe Team Malure did as they gave the rookie an initiation as their Two and a Half Men defeated Don's He-Man Cowboy Haters Club by a score of 49 - 37. And due to my random picking of the Week 1 match-ups while leaving the rest of the schedule intact from last season, these two clubs get to do it all over again in Week 2. Sorry 'bout that guys, I should've done Week One a little differently now that I think about it. Oh well, for Don, it's a revenge game. For the Binder Boyz, another chance to pick on the rookie…

Guy, it's definitely "No win for you! Next!" so please step out of the line and let Rob Hanratty'' Titties and Beer go by. Rob's T&B squad defeated No Souper Bowl For You 41 - 25 this week behind the strong Monday Night 15-point, 3 TD performance from Ahman "It's Not Easy Being" Green (nor is it easy being a running back on Rob's historically injury jinxed team). The Ghost of Errict Rhett loomed large in Week One as T&B RB Chris Brown left the Titans-Dolphins game mid-Draft with an injury, almost causing Rob to resort to drafting only tight ends and defenses the rest of the way… For the Draft Nazis, not too good thus far, as only four guys scored out of the 12 on the roster. Perhaps Brother Joe can cook up something tastier for Week 2?

And in the final game of the week, The No Shows showed up after all, as Ian and Chris' squad doubled up Ken & Pam's KGB III by a score of 38 - 19. Pam has already phoned in from Florida claiming absolutely no responsibility for this loss. She says something to the effect of, blame the dog first, Kenny the second, second, Kenny the third, third (??) and if all else fails, it's Joe's fault!… For those of you interested in why the Seattle Boys were absent on Draft Day, follow this e-mail exchange between Ian, Chris and myself:

The Commish: