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This season we're going to stick with the blog News & Notes format that we debuted last season with some success. So whenever the mood strikes, be it stats night on Wednesday, the middle of the 4PM game on Sunday, or maybe even a Thursday morning before I leave for work, I'll come here and post entries. Sometimes it will be a paragraph or two, sometimes longer.
I'll make sure I put a date on everything so you can easily tell what's new from what you may have already read. So feel free to come to this page often, or continue checking in once a week as the stats update, to check out and catch up on the latest entries in what I hope to be a season long "All My Rowdy" blog.
If anyone else has anything to contribute, I'll be more than happy to post it here, with all credit given to the author of course. And if we get one of our infamous 20+ reply e-mail threads going, I may also opt to copy that into this space as well so it's saved for all posterity.
September 26th, 2007
Oh when the Saints, come limping in
When the Saints, come limping in
Will you be wearing paper or plastic (on your head)
When the Saints, come limping in…
Week 3 Results
Titans 31, Saints 14
Who dat say they gonna beat dem Saints? Uh, it pretty much looks like everybody, doesn’t it? {switching to my best Andrew Dice Clay, “Eric Roberts, Deniro, Pacino, Stallone & Travolta At A Campfire” accent} I’m dying over here! You guys promised me marshmallows, I don’t see no freakin’ marshmallows! And if I don’t get some marshmallows, I’m telling you, there’s something VERY wrong going on here!… Speaking of campfires, depressed by how my favorite team is letting me down and inspired by this timeless Dice Clay skit I’m burning my Jim Everett jersey in the fireplace as I write this! And should the Saints lose again in week five? We torch the Aaron Brooks jersey. Keep losing and we ignite the Archie Manning throwback knockoff from Korea that I won on eBay and wore to the post-Katrina Monday Night game at Giants Stadium. Then it’s this year’s Reggie Bush #25 going up in flames and if all that fails I’ve got a bucket of old Chicken Delight extra crispy here (circa 1993 and The John Sperone Incident) that we’re going to sacrifice! Please Coach Payton, don’t let it get that far. First off, I really like my Reggie Bush jersey but most importantly take a lesson from Johnny S and trust me when I tell you, “it’s not nice to eat Jobu’s chicken”…
Magic 70, Snap Tackle And Pup 29
As Heart’s Ann Wilson, once sang, before she got big enough to be an NFL fullback, “try, try, try to understand, he’s a magic man”. And try, try, try to understand how this once dismal franchise formerly known as The Binder Boyz finds themselves undefeated and occupying first place after three weeks this season. Well it’s quite simple really, it’s all in the “magic man” Nick Migliore, who ups his career winning percentage to .613 with a win this week and passes Rowdy Hall of Famers Joe & Charlie, currently sitting at .610 all-time, for the lifetime lead in owner winning percentage. Since joining Papa Bob and Uncle Mike back in 2K3, Team Binder is 43-27-1. The Magic is back, now take your best shot at them… And going in the other direction it’s team Carry Me Back To Old Virginia as Brian & Dave fall to 0 - 3 on the season. But the night is still young and all’s not lost as they remain just a single game off the lead of the Gone West division, due to some pre-03, binder-esque play from the rest of the teams in their division. Brian, I think it’s time to give up the reins and let Dave have a shot at running this team. A few “Kraftmatic” adjustments should have this team sleeping easy the rest of the way.
The Johnny Sack Exchange 49, Blame It On Alex 33
It’s Don’t Stop Believin’ time for Fab as the Sacksters stay undefeated and are just a mere point out of 1st after handing Bruce and Alex their first loss of the season. With WR Kevin Curtis running amok amongst the Lions “defense” (and I do use the term very loosely) this game was over before Fab could parallel park the car, sit down and order some onion rings, cue the jukebox and check out the shady guy sitting at the counter… Alex, in a post-game press conference has blamed this first loss of the season not on himself, as honor and the team name might imply, but rather he’s blamed Big Poppa Bruce for the loss, openly questioning last week’s transaction pickups. “DeShawn didn’t do any Wynn-ing for us and Joe wasn’t so (Jure)vicious now was he?”
Because Its Worth It 47, Who Let The Dogs Out 34
The Flinn Brothers get off the schneid with the win and knock Don & John from the top spot all the way down to 5th place (gold, silver, bronze, copper, and what’s fifth? Tin maybe?). Mike and Jim, in their post-game comments, thanked Ken & Pam for kicking their butts into submission and making them work harder this week in practice, resulting in this week’s victory. “Why did we work so hard? Because we had to? No, because it’s worth it”…Those of you who like to peruse the box scores will notice that Tony “I Ain’t Got No Sticker” Hunt scored this week for the Eagles! So you might ask, like who didn’t on that team? Well their not Eagles, but right now “first rounders with stickers” Larry Johnson, Stephen Jackson, Maurice Jones-Drew and Boney Maroney are all still looking for their first score. I know what you’re thinking, even had Don & John not bowed to the enormous “who the heck is he” media pressure and stuck to their guns and kept Hunt on their roster, it wouldn’t have mattered. They needed more than that score to win and Hunt’s replacement, Sammy “Don’t Call Me Ian” Morris has scored two straight weeks in Hunt’s place…
Pam And Da Boyz 40, Best One 27
Our final remaining unbeaten is Pam & Ken’s squad, victors this past week over not-defending-so-well-champ Russ. Their post-game press meeting was a little awkward as instead of Ken or Pam, the Bamricks sent their sons out to meet the media. Instead of answering questions that were posed to them all they could say repeatedly into their microphones were the phrases “Chad’s the best”, “Flinn sucks” and “where’s that TV I ordered, we want to watch High School Musical 2”… As for our former champion Russ, I think he can help me understand how it feels to be the Saints right now. So how do we find the cure for what ails Best One? Probably nothing a few more Raiders won’t cure? I see Ronald Curry and Sebby-J are still available on the waiver wire…
Pac Man Fever 45, Pina Coladas At Trader Neils 38
They’ve got Bush! And their first win of the season to boot as Kevin & The Commish finally win a game on Monday Night instead of suffering heartbreaking defeat at the hands of an opposing player having a career game on MNF. All right Kev, I was going to throw you in the dungeon with Rex Grossman if we lost again this week but I guess you can stay and run the video camera on the sidelines again this week when we play Brian B. But whatever you do, just remember to not point the lens at the guys on the sidelines making the hand signals. They’re just playing “rock, paper, scissors” and Brian certainly doesn’t want any of that showing up on YouTube… If you like Pina Coladas At Trader Neils (and getting caught in the rain), well don’t worry. Joe and Charlie are notoriously slow starters and despite the early difficulties still hold sway in the Gone South, er West division. I’m sure they’ll be around when the Commish special SI covers start coming out around the holidays… Hey Charlie, are you still working nights as part of your “secretarial duties”? If so, could you be so kind as to rinse out the coffee pot before you leave? Oh, and there’s a stack of stats I need copied, collated and faxed to all the league owners by Thursday morning…
Lexington Steelers 61, Vicks Innocent 52
Last week we learned what it meant to “get hanrattied”. If you were paying attention, you might recall that scoring 50 points but still losing qualified one for this dubious distinction. Well check that line score above this paragraph one more time. Neil, you may be innocent, but “you’ve been hanrattied”! There’s a towel over there on the bench, just wipe yourself off and head out to your post-game interviews, Suzy Kolber is waiting for you… So Rob, how does it feel to finally turn the tables and win a game of this nature? I think we might need to modify some phrasing here. From this point forth (would that be “henceforth”?), anyone who scores 50 points or more in a game, and whose opponent is Rob himself, will be deemed as “gotten Lex’ed”. Good luck to everyone, stay dry and stay safe…
Shut Up And Drink 37, Clear The Red Zone 23
After losing this past week to Marc and His Colts and falling to 0 - 3, Brian B needs to shut up and drink some Red Bull. Dropping into the league cellar is not fun, although one might guess that Brian’s trying to get his pre-season proposal implemented. Remember all that talk about drafting next year in reverse order of this year’s standings? Hmmm? Noticing that we’re on to him, Double-B has Cleared the Red Zone of all his Red Bills this week (with apologies to Neil). Lee Evans and Rian Lindell have been placed on the Road To Nowhere and all the talking heads are now predicting that the Zone’s first win of the season is imminent as The Zone has the ill-fated Pac Man Fever and ill-suited Best One coming up on the sched… And Marc has asked me to make an announcement to every player that the Shut Up And Drink Running Back Shuttle leaves every Wednesday at 8PM and that he expects one, possibly two players on the bus each week. With this week’s moves, Marc’s already employed 6 RBs on his team. The league record for most RBs used in a season is 12, shared by three of Neil’s Sucks 2 B Me and Bubba’s Brew Crew teams in 2002, 2003 and 2004. Here’s to keeping the Shut Up RB Shuttle gassed up!
Finally, before I leave you, a reminder to not forget that Week 4 is the first week of those troublesome, roster-meddling byes. So don’t go looking for the boxscores of any of the following teams. The Jacksonville Jones-Jaguars, The N’Awlins Aints, The Tennessee VinceDale Titans and the Washington Redskin-Els. Everyone who’s down because their team’s off to a bad start, keep the faith it’s only week 4 and it’s still the first month of the season. We promise there are greener days ahead and that we’ll wake you up when September ends…
September 19th, 2007
Week 2 Results
Who Let The Dogs Out 60, Lexington Steelers 34
Not only are Don and John in the (Tony) Hunt for the league championship, they currently lead the pack! The Dogs move into first place and grab half of the high points dollar in the process. So it's a quarter for each of you guys, don't spend it all in one place. And certainly don't be spending any of that first place money, it's a long season… And it's already been a long season for Rob (no puns intended) as the Lex Steelers are playing more like the Lex Luthors, giving up high points in both of their games thus far this season and currently taking up residence in the leagues "whine" cellar. Hung in there Rob (actually make that "hang" in there), it's a long season…
Blame It On Alex 60, Snap Tackle And Pup 55
While I'm giving out quarters, here's one each for Bruce and Alex as they get the other half of the high points dollar this week in a high scoring game against Brian L and Dave "Arts And" Kraft reminiscent of the Browns/Bengals game. With a victory last week against John and now this week against Brian, Bruce, just as he did last season, has once again completed his patented "Legere Sweep", in which a team beats both of the Brothers Legeres' teams in consecutive weeks. I guess congratulations are in order, eh? Ok, what do want a medal or a monument?… By scoring over 50 points yet still suffering the loss, Snap Tackle And Pup becomes the first team to get "hanrattied" this season. Quick review for rookie owner Dave, "getting hanrattied" is a term named for owner Rob Hanratty, who routinely finds ways to score 50-plus and still lose. But don't worry about getting "hanrattied" in only your second week in the league. Consider it an initiation of sorts. Besides, it sure sounds a lot better that we named it after the owner and not the team. You have to admit, I don't think any of us want to get "lexington steeled" now do we?
The Johnny Sack Exchange 52, Best One 48
In another games featuring triple digits in total points scored, The Fabulous one takes in some more Moolah (any fans of old-school female pro wrestling out there? No Kev, I'm not talking about G.L.O.W.!) besting the defending champs (or should that now be chumps?), by 4 points. The fast start puts Don Fabio in 2nd place, just two points off the Dogs lead, and is already bringing back memories of The Goalfather's 12 game winning streak to start the season back in 2005. Russ is looking like this years "hey who drew up this freakin schedule" victim, fifth in the league in points, yet still looking for his first win. To complain about your teams schedule be sure to dial The Commish's Office hot line, then at the main menu choose option 2 for "we really don't care what you have to say about the schedule, I make it, you play it"
Magic 33, Pac Man Fever 16
Back in 1965, when only one of the Binder Boyz was alive, the Lovin' Spoonful sang a song called "Do You Believe In Magic" (a song later remade by Shaun Cassidy in 1978, come on Mikey, admit it, you had the album!). Well if you ask me I have to say "yes, I do believe in Magic" as they just kicked my butt! Team Binder (Brian please explain the whole Binder thing to Dave so he's in on the jokes) stays undefeated, handing The Commish and Kevin their 18th loss in their last 21 games, dating back to the end of the 2005 season. By the way, something to watch out for this week, Magic plays Snap Tackle And Pup which means that a Magic victory gives La Famile De Migliore a Legere Sweep! Don't worry Bruce, they've already said they'd pay royalties and if you have any t-shirts made up, the rest of the league wants them too. I'm thinking we sell them on COMMISH.COM for like say $19.95? Such a bargain!
Pam And Da Boyz 48, Because Its Worth It 21
How sweep it is! Option 3 on the main phone menu at The Commish Office hot line is "hey I like this schedule, can I play the Flinns every week?". Ken & Pam Bam remain undefeated with their second consecutive win over the Flinn Kitnas. Hey Mike & Jim, are we still sure Its Worth It? The Dogs are in town now, but don't worry, they've cut Tony Hunt so they're not as formidable as they seemed on Draft Day… So as most of you already know from the inter-week e-mailings Pam and the boys ran into Kevin Kelly this past week in of all places Lancaster, PA as both families were taking in a little "Thomas (Jones) The Tank Engine" action at the local railroad line. Can you just imagine the combination of Kevin Kelly and Amish country? Because I'm having a little trouble wrapping my head around this "Harrison Ford in Witness meets Henry Hill in Goodfellas" concept. Though I must say the "let's make a really bad movie with Joe Pesci playing Kevin" potential is practically off the charts! Poor Pam, she must've thought she was having some kind of Kafka-esque fever dream or something… One more question before we move off this game if I may? How come it's illegal for Bill Belichick to videotape opposing teams but Pam's allowed to offer to sell us all cheap flat screens from Sharp? Word to the wise (or as they say in Latin, "caveat emptor"), check those TVs for hidden cameras when they arrive boys, I smell something fishy…
Pina Coladas At Trader Neils 52, Clear The Red Zone 38
Joe & Charlie, the pride of the Gone West division (which has actually Gone South at a combined 1 - 7 thus far this season), get their first win of the year over Brian B. Brian's still looking for his first win of the season dating back to even before we started the Draft. Follow me on this here for a second if you can… To start Draft Day off we witness Brian losing a "not so instant classic" PBA Tour match to a guy named Patrick Allen, whose nickname is "P.A.". Now "PA" is also the abbreviation for the state of Pennsylvania. And who lives in Pennsylvania? Amish people. Right. Very good, I see your following things nicely here but that's not really where I was going with this. So who else lives in Pennsylvania? Why none other than Joe (near Philly) & Charlie (near some bears, turkeys and bleating sheep), the owners who defeated Brian this past week. So, Brian, I think this is a good thing because we've come full circle now and the chain is broken, right? Next weeks' game is against Marc who has to the best of my knowledge never lived in PA (but he might break down and have a Rolling Rock from time to time) and trust me when I tell you that you certainly don't want to watch him bowl…
Vicks Innocent 43, Shut Up And Drink 31
Which brings us to our final game of the week, The Eight Of Hearts Bowl, in which Neil stayed undefeated and the aforementioned Marc even his record at 1 in Column A and 1 in Column B (plus a side of pork fried and an egg roll). By the way Marc, is that really good Chinese food place still on Route 4 across from the Highway Movie Theatre near Banta Place? If so, hook me up with a Combo #5 (and watch out for Lou Bega he's dangerous!)… Saving the best commentary for last, I think it goes without saying that Neil's already got next season's team name on tap and ready to go. What do you think of "OJ's Innocent"? And hey Marc, didn't you once own a Bronco?…
... and as promised last week, a photo gallery that I've entitled "Draft Pics" (without the "K"). How freakin' clever am I, eh? Take that Bruce, sweep this! Then enjoy the pictures...
September 12th, 2007
Welcome back everyone to the 17th edition of the All My Rowdy Friends Fantasy Football League. Before we get this party started let me inform you all that I've just found out that the web camera I have installed on the top of my PC's monitor is actually feeding live video of The Commish doing the stats back to New England Patriots headquarters! So for the team who picked up Sammy Morris this week, they know where you are…
So check this out. From sources which I won't reveal, I've managed to obtain the latest playlist that Pats coach Bill Belichick's has created on his own personal iPod. I think you'll like it, it's got a little bit of something for everyone, including Jets coach Eric Mangini…
1. Please Don't Take My Kodachrome Away - Paul Simon
2. Video Killed The Radio Star - The Buggles
3. Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
4. Looking Through Patient Eyes - PM Dawn
5. Spy In The House Of Love - Was (Not Was)
6. Signs - Five Man Electrical Band
7. Steal Away - Robbie Dupree
8. I Can See Clearly Now - Johnny Nash
9. Suspicious Minds - Elvis Presley
10. Somebody's Watching Me - Rockwell (for Mangini)
While we're talking about iPod playlists, I'll bet you a dollar that Giant's coach Tom Coughlin doesn't even have an iPod! But if he did, I'd be willing to go double or nothing with you on the bet that he certainly does not have John Cougar Mellencamp's "Hurts So Good" anywhere on the thing! What are the odds that Brandon Jacobs, Usi Umeniyora (sorry I didn't spell check this guy) & Eli Manning all go down in the first game of the season? Hey any chance Phil Simms, Tiki Barber and Lawrence Taylor want to come out of retirement together?
Now on to the Week 1 Results:
Vicks Innocent 53, Lexington Steelers 17
Neil takes the first high points dollar and the early lead atop the standings (is it too early to start with the SI cover jinxes?) as his Vick-inspired team beats up Rob "doggie style"! Rob's not very good at this opening week thing as he now moves to 3 - 10 - 1 all time in week one games. But hey, while he couldn't provide his fans with a win, we did get a very educational Wikipedia link from him this week explaining the origins of his team name. Some real "hard" reading there and it took me quite a "long" time to finish it, but once I was done I was no "longer in the dark".
Shut Up And Drink 48, Best One 43
Marc's draft strategy: Draft all the guys who scored on Thursday night and forget about the running backs. Now the fact that all those high scorers happened to be Colts doesn't hurt and Marc had 35 points on the board and a stable of horses (er Colts get it?) before the draft was half over. Defending champion Russ drew the short straw when we randomly picked week 1 opponents but almost pulled off a huge upset, even taking the lead at one point during the 4PM games. Alas poor Yoric, Russ fell a bit short (might want to talk to Lex about that?), but a fine effort nonetheless.
{inside joke alert} Hey Marc or Neil, did you ever find that 8 of Hearts? If not, you might want to check the refrigerator downstairs, behind the yiddish beer. Yes, I know what you're thinking but the ice cube tray was too obvious!
The Johnny Sack Exchange 46, Snap Tackle And Pup 33
Fabrizio, in honor of his new team name, "rolled over" ST&P this week despite the fact that only 3 guys on his team scored! Tony "Soprano" Romo led the way with 24 points for the Sacksters. Now that I've paid Don Fabio his proper tribute I'd like to move on and take a moment to welcome new owner Dave "Witch" Kraft to the league. Dave's another Virginia guy (that makes three now doesn't it?) and will hopefully be helping Brian Legere right the fantasy football ship this season. We all know Brian's teams have been "listing to port" in recent season (you should his baseball team! We're talking Leonardo DiCaprio/Kate Winslet material here) so Dave, good luck and welcome aboard the Love Boat (exciting and new, come aboard we're expecting you!) or will it be the Poseidon adventure? We'll check back in with you around week 7 and see how you're doing...
Magic 45, Pina Coladas At Trader Neils 27
As Ric Ocasek, lead singer for The Cars once sang "Uh-oh, it's magic!" and if the first week is any sign of things to come I believe a lot of us might be singing along with Ric this season. Team Migliore (which I think is Italian for "freakin Malures!") is back with their annual tribute to Bruce Springsteen and right in time for his new CD, due out after Week 4 of the season, and titled, you guessed it, "Magic". Joe & Charlie also come back with their annual "dead singer" tribute name, this season it's the memory of the recently departed Warren Zevon they're honoring, but instead of having pina coladas at Trader Vics, they're occupying a more local gin joint, namely our very own Trader Neils. "Where wolf?" you ask? Why London of course…
{continuing inside joke alert} Note to Marc and Neil: Just kidding, it's not there but I hope I made you look!
Pam And Da Boyz 40, Because Its Worth It 37
Well if you had "Jon Kitna in the 2nd round" and "more than 2 TD throws in week one" you're a winner. However, if the rest of your team scores just 28 points and you're playing you're arch-rival in week one and he scores 40, you're a loser! Team Flinn drops a close one to Ken & Pam but not to worry, due to the random factor in week one and the regular schedule kicking in in week two these two teams play each other again this coming week! A Draft Day footnote if I may? I believe Worth It owner Jim "Travelin'" Flinn broke a league record this season by drafting from (or at least attempting to draft from) three different venues on Saturday. First a NJ Turnpike rest area (better check for viruses and no I'm not talking about the computer!), then a local Starbucks coffee shop where the wi-fi wasn't so "wi" and finally an unnamed hotel office-like setup place where he was finally able to log in and draft LT and Kitna. And no, from what I can tell there's no way he was anywhere near the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport! For the record, the previous record of drafting from two venues in one day was held by many owners, the most memorable of which was by Ken Bamrick who drafted from an airplane and Mexico in the same draft! Or is that just an urban (meyer) legend?
Who Let The Dogs Out 40, Clear The Red Zone 33
First off, extra special thanks to Don Cardoza, this year's Draft Host (with the Most) for putting up with us invading his apartment on Draft Day and turning his living room inside out. Rearranging the furniture to get the Draft Board into better light, tearing apart his cable modem setup to allow the 50 foot network cable to flow properly and of course we won't mention what Ken's kids flushed down the toilet (hey look Marc, it's the 8 of Hearts!). So we finally found out who Tony Hunt was; he was ranked the #77 RB on my cheat sheet. But instead of becoming the mother of all sleeper picks, the Eagles rumored goal line back went without a single carry in week one. Don & John pulled out the win anyway thanks to a rather lackluster performance from Brian B's team. Here's a tip for you. In order to clear the Red Zone, you first have to get into the Red Zone! Now I have to admit though, the team played a lot better on Sunday than Brian B himself did on Saturday as ESPN Classic re-broadcast a Pro Bowlers Association tour event in which Brian lost in the opening match where, as he himself put it, "bowled like a load". Wow, I just hope no one from the Lexington Steelers was involved in that load… And Bri? I've already sent ESPN Classic and e-mail requesting an ABC Masters "Down Goes Parker, The Lefty Is Bleeding!" replay during the baseball draft next season…
Blame It On Alex 37, Pac Man Fever 35
Now it wasn't exactly Appalachian State defeating Michigan but Alex beating The Commish in week one sounds like it has all the makings of a David beating Goliath, doesn't it? Of course the "David" here has now won three straight against this so-called "Goliath" dating back to last season so Kev, we need to come up with a new M.O. here aside from last-season-and-now-looking-like-this-season-also's "keep the game close until Monday night then lose in a heartbreaker by less than three points". So kudos to young grasshopper Alex for keeping Dad away from the cheat sheets all day and I look forward to placing Kevin on waivers prior to next week's contests. Anyone looking for a new partner? Kenny maybe? I could take Pam and say one of the boys off your hands? Don? I'll take John W and throw in a retro Devils Scott Gomez jersey? Joe? You just know Charlie needs a change of scenery! Nick? I'd take Mike and Bobby in a package deal and send you Kevin and a pack of binders hot off the pallet from Staples' Back To School Sale? How about you Bro? Want to acquire a seasoned veteran for a rookie owner and a 2009 draft pick? Flinns? Lermans? Bueller? Anyone…
Well that's all the action from Week One, be sure to check back in the next day or two when I hope to post some pictures that I took on Draft Day. Of course, this is assuming the NFL doesn't confiscate my camera and accuse me of trying to spy on Joe Mastrangelo's draft picks with it!
And last but not least, what do you say we have a "Music City Miracle, Part Deux" for Bills tight end Kevin Everett and that spinal injury, eh?
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