OK, it's a belated recap of Week Two in the NFL as the News & Notes column arrives a day late, but definitely not a dollar short! The Pittsburgh Steelers continue to struggle, the Texans come back down to Earth and we once again experience the Silence of the Rams, offense that is. For Peete's sake, the Carolina Panthers are 2 and oh! The Saints' new running back is working hard, he's worth a Deuce (and apologies to Kiss for the lyrical rip-off). The Bills pull out an OT win in what may become the best game of the season, and a good a reason as any to have DirectTV! The Fun 'N Gun was shooting blanks in Washington and will Baltimore ever score again? Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore"! Now on to Week Two Rowdy Friends game recaps…

Let's get this out of the way early, shall we? There was definitely no fun in the Fun 'N Gun this past weekend as Austin was powerless on Monday Night as Down Boy! McNabbed the Golden Domers 43 - 21. Austin co-owner Mark Machiedo, obviously not happy with the Shane Matthews selection made by the Commish on Draft Day is already threatening to fire his partner and bring in Tyrone Willingham. The Commish has responded by sending Mini Me over to bite Mark! And despite the 1 - 1 start, the two owners of Down Boy!, the ever feuding Papa Joe Mastrangelo and Charlie Baker are seemingly getting along fine. Of course, Charlie's been on vacation for two weeks but that's never stopped them before…

This week's high points dollar goes to The Last Touch Don who being the 21 point foot of Mike Hollis defeated the River Ave Rats 57 - 48 in a very high scoring affair. Fab, along with the high points dollar we've got a little more "tribute" for you. Just stop by The Commish's Office and pick up the big yellow envelope we've got on the desk with the word "vig" written on it. As for the Rats, it's their second straight loss despite scoring more than 40 points. Somebody back up the limo! I think Jim and Mike need a road trip!

From the high score in Week One to the low score in Week Two. So the story goes for the comrades from the Kremlin as the Family Bamrick loses to the upstart Caruso Brothers in a 33 - 21 Moops victory over KGB III. Taking over the GM reins for this season is Bamrick pet dog Bud (short for Budweiser, not Bud Lite) who attempted to pick up injured kicker John Kasay this week. Hey Dr. Evil? Can you throw Bud a frickin' bone over here? He's new to this whole transaction thing. As for the Brothers Caruso anyone care to vote in a new rule stating that any rookie franchise that starts the season with three wins has to provide beer for the next season's draft? Quick, get your votes in to me!

Cut The Cord needed no epidural despite a close 46 - 43 victory over the Wet Toast Offense. Despite being 1 - 1, Kevin "Dirty Diaper" Kelly has the highest scoring franchise in the league right now. And he's doing it with Kordell Stewart and Rodney Peete at QB! Somebody pinch me, I must be dreaming… The Toast burnt itself this week by dropping Dallas QB Quincy Carter (6 points in Week Two) after a poor performance in Week One and gambling on Trent Dilfer (3 points in Week Two) coming back strong from his injuries. The three point difference would've as least gotten Brian and Sarah a tie with The Cord and an extra buck and a half to boot. So two bucks for the QB change and a buck fifty lost for no tie makes it a somewhat expensive $3.50 miscue. And when you've got two daughters at home, that's some real money we're talking about…

Douche's Wild rebounded from a poor showing in Week One to defeat Dave Kang Kong by a score of 53 - 38. For the season thus far, Rob Hanratty's team has scored 69 total points. 69. Rob Hanratty. Need I say more? For Mr. Kang, watching football out of his new apartment in Nutley, NJ, he got to see his Cowboys defeat the Titans and rack up 12 fantasy points ("D" and Joey Galloway) for his Kong team, but the Big Gorilla couldn't muster up enough offense from the rest of the apes to overcome the Douche's offensive fireworks (and wouldn't the word "smell" have gone nicely at the end of that sentence instead of the word "fireworks"?).

Come on up for The Rising! The Brothers Malure even their record at 1 - 1 with a 52 - 24 beating of Late For The Draft. Yes Jeremy Shockey did score this past week and the Boyz are now undefeated in games in which their 3rd round pick scores. Jeremy, this O'Douls is for you, he's the best, we've got to have him! And how fitting is it that a team called "Late For" has a kicker named Epstein (Jacksonville's Hayden Epstein)? "Hey Mr. Kotter, sorry I'm late, I've got a note" Signed, Chris Jolley's mom…

And in the late game, The Moon Runners move to 2 - 0 as Brian and James defeat Bubba's Brew Crew by a score of 39 - 31. For the Crew it's only their 3rd defeat in the last 20 games stretching back two seasons and the worst defeat (8 points) in almost a season and a half for Neil and Tucker. Brian Boghosian would also like to personally thank the entire Patriots defense for their 13 fantasy point performance against the Jets. J-E-T-S, jest, jest, jest!

Week Three shapes up like this: It's "frere a frere", or brother versus brother for you non francophones, as Austin Powers in Golden Domer (1 - 1) takes on the Wet Toast Offense (1 - 1). Douche's Wild (1 - 1) hopes it turns into a fine summer's eve when they play KGB III (1 - 1). There's gonna be a bad moon a-rising for sure as The Moon Runners (2 - 0) meet The Rising (1 - 1). The Last Touch Don (2 - 0) is looking to have a "fab"-ulous time against Bubba's Brew Crew (1 - 1). Late For The Draft (0 - 2) tries to get off the schneid against the high scoring Cut The Cord (1 - 1). The River Ave Rats (0 - 2) hope to turn things around when they square off against The Moops (2 - 0) and Kang Kong (0 - 2) tries to get into the win column against Down Boy! (1 - 1).

Don't forget we've got a few byes this week for the first time this season. So if you're looking for any of the following teams, you won't find them in Week Three. Getting the early vacation are the Nevermore Ravens, the Jacksonville Taylors, the Oakland Raid-uhs and the Pittsburgh El-Steelers. Well, not like anyone's gonna miss the Ravens, that's for sure! Although how that Redman's sitting, who's going to don Johnny U's black high tops? 'til next week…