Be afraid, be very afraid. Actually make that be very a-fredo, as The Goalfather has risen to power. Yes folks, get in line to kiss the ring as Fabrizio has The First and Goalfather Part 2 in Part 1 of the standings after a 60 - 18 whacking of Wide Left. The Goalfather's Cement Shoes defense has allowed just 32 points in two games thus far while the Run and Shoot (and Keep Shooting) offense has racked up a league leading 100 points thus far. For Wide Left, it's a disappointing 0 - 2 start. Brian's not giving up yet though, probably because it's still 3 weeks until hockey season starts, but he's promised to let his tight ends loose and open up his offense a little wider. Anyone care to fathom a guess of what's going to happen once his tight end opens up a little wider? Yep, you guessed it, a stink even worse than his team stinks right now…

Also opening the season at 2 - 0 are The Williams Brothers! Now I say don't be a playa hater here, let's give The Binder Boyz some credit. They don't need no stinkin' running backs (well maybe a goal line score from Alstott). A wide receiver fueled 48 - 20 victory over Ian's Late Again squad has Nick and crew one week closer to the return of Ricky Williams without a loss. On the flip side, the loss brings Ian one week closer to 0 - 3 with Tiki Barber. So why do I get this sinking feeling that despite helping Mr. CEO out by picking his team, that I've got even less of a chance of getting stock options now? Now about this fast start from The Williams Bros. Let's give it at least two more weeks before I break out the volcano once again, OK? Yes, that volcano, the one on last season's Sports Illustrated cover! Sing it with me, "I don't know. I don't know. I don't know where I'm a gonna go when the volcano blows"…

So who else is 2 - 0? Hey what do you know, it's the Big Dummy Rob "Champipple" Hanratty off to a fast start after a 23 - 7 rout of Sucks 2 B Me. Knowing he didn't need much offense to win, Rob called off the dogs early in the game and coasted to victory with his second string squad, which included Rollo at QB and a backfield of Chico at halfback with The Man blocking for him up front at fullback. And boy, does it suck to be Neil right now, eh? Seven points? Well from the looks of it, it appears that the "score or die" rule is back as Neil has cut all 4 of his wide receivers this week in an attempt to shake up the team. 7 freakin' points?! Is that all the defending champ can muster? That must've been Archie Manning back there at QB and not Peyton, eh?

Speaking of… The Saints came marching into Giants stadium on Monday Night and The Whizzinators were there in full force. With Kevin sporting the alternate red Eli Manning jersey and The Commish all decked out in his "Who Dat" Archie Manning 1971 throwback, The Whizz needed just 11 points from Carney, Plaxico and Shockey to sent Russ down to defeat. But Russ proved yet again that he is the Best One, his defense held Carney to just 4 points and he fought off The Whizz 31 - 24 to improve to 2 - 0 along with the others mentioned above. Quick word on the game, well not the game really, but the cheerleaders. Bruce, here's the part of the column where you cover Alex's eyes… Oh my, the Saints cheerleaders were smokin hot! A few of them had "category fives" if you know what I mean. The funny thing is, the Giants don't have cheerleaders and the visiting team usually doesn't bring theirs, but since it was a Saints "home" game, the cheerleaders were there. So that being said, the Giant fans were going nuts! They're like "hey how come we don't have cheerleaders" and one guy behind me was a riot, he was like "if they're homeless and need a place to stay, I've got a spare room". And I wonder if any of them were named Katrina?…

So you think this whole name change thing worked for Joe? Talk about exorcising a jinx! Or maybe just exercising the jinx, or even working the jinx out, whichever works for you. Anyway, a 70 - 32 Bury The Hatchet job on Entourage has Brian Boghosian thinking about forming a new posse. We never really did find out if Fats Can Float, but I tell you what, he sure can score!

Meanwhile Bruce was busy feeling the (grapes of) wrath of Of Rice And Men as Don's team steinbecked Blame It On Alex, ekeing out a one point 35 - 34 win. Blame it on Alex? Come on, even though they've become the first father-son combo to open a season at 0 - 2, I think we give Alex a break here and Blame It On Daunte. Culpepper's been a real Cold Pooper thus far this season hasn't he? Uh oh, better not go there, I see Brian's got all his tight ends lined up again…

And last but not least I bring you the exception that proves the rule to the Cupcake Theory. You read about the theory in this week's post game e-mail exchange, so I'll spare you the details here. But let me just reiterate those very same cupcakes you ate on Draft Day are available online at the COMMISH.COM bakery page for a mere $14.99 per dozen plus shipping and handling… The offensive game of the week saw T.O. Tired T.O. Finish Santana Moss their way by Pam and Da Boyz 64 - 59 in a wide open affair that wasn't decided until the last Monday Night game of the week. And the high combined score wasn't the only thing offensive about this game, for the trash talking before the game was quite offensive as well with long time nemesis Team Flinn and Team Bamrick exchanging so many barbs that both teams' locker room bulletin boards ran out of thumbtacks! For Ken, I think he might want to change his goals for the season. For you see at Draft Day Ken announced that is was his intention this season to take back the all time lead in games tied. However, from the looks of this game, I think he's got an even better chance of extending his career lead in "games lost when scoring more than 50 points". Better luck next week Ken, I'll see what I can do about getting some more "cupcakes" on that schedule for you.

Keeping with our new last paragraph theme of recalling The Ghosts Of Draft Day Past in honor of our 15th season in existence as a league I bring you back to the draft we held at Caryn Raimon's house in Elmwood Park. If I need to job a memory or two, Caryn was one of Pam's co-owners back in the day when naming your team with cryptic initials was all the rage. So it's Kevin Kelly's first year in the league and he's driving up to the draft from Bayonne, his place of residence at the time. He gets as far as Route 4 in Fair Lawn and decides he's lost. Lucky for him there's a cop car nearby (funny I thought Dunkin' Donuts was further up Route 4 on the eastbound side?). Oh and I need to tell you now that Kevin's sporting a brand new black-and-red Atlanta Falcons jersey and some funky Zubaz pants as his chosen draft day attire. Yes for all you I Love The 90s freaks, Zubaz pants and naming your team with cryptic acronyms were both in vogue at the same time! But I digress… So Kevin approaches the cop car and says something along the lines of "excuse me, can you help me, I think I'm lost". To which the cop replies "Yes son, you've got Falcons gear on in New Jersey, I would say you're quite lost!" {insert rim shot here}.

We'll be back in seven days with all of the Week 3 action and more Draft Day memories... 'til next week…