This season we're going to stick with the blog News & Notes format that we debuted last season with some success. So whenever the mood strikes, be it stats night on Wednesday, the middle of the 4PM game on Sunday, or maybe even a Thursday morning before I leave for work, I'll come here and post entries. Sometimes it will be a paragraph or two, sometimes longer.
I'll make sure I put a date on everything so you can easily tell what's new from what you may have already read. So feel free to come to this page often, or continue checking in once a week as the stats update, to check out and catch up on the latest entries in what I hope to be a season long "All My Rowdy" blog.
If anyone else has anything to contribute, I'll be more than happy to post it here, with all credit given to the author of course. And if we get one of our infamous 20+ reply e-mail threads going, I may also opt to copy that into this space as well so it's saved for all posterity.
October 24th, 2007
Week 7 Results
Clear The Red Zone 54, Who Let The Dogs Out 24
Duh-nuh-nuh-nuh, nuh-nuh, My Bironas! Yes, you need to break out a little karaoke, circa 1980, and the smash hit "My Sharona" there as Brian Boghosian, with the help of Rob Bironas' record setting 8 FGs, finally gets off The Schneid and gets his first win of the season and the high points Washington to boot (all puns intended!). You might even say that Bironas had The Knack for getting the ball between the uprights, eh? Was it the anti-SI cover jinx that led Brian to his first win? Well perhaps, but what I think really helped was the fact that Brian "returned to the scene of the crime", bowling in a tournament at Miller Park in Milwaukee this past weekend, to erase the demons of us having had to watch him bowl, and bowl badly, in a previous tournament at that very same location. Many of you might recall that ESPN Classic was showing a Brian B PBA Tour match right before we drafted this season. Well from the showing of that "not so instant" classic footage until Sunday, when Brian returned to Miller Park, he had not won a single fantasy football game. He goes back, he wins! Now if he can find a way to stay there for the next 2 months, he might have a shot at winning this thing… Speaking of winning, or lack thereof, the Dogs drop their 5th straight and note to selves. The "no kicker" strategy is best not used when you're below .500. As a matter of fact the "no kicker" strategy in just a shade lower then the "draft the guy with no sticker" strategy in the list of the best ways to win in fantasy football. Better pack those bags boys, I think there's a van leaving for Lambeau in an hour, and be sure to say hit to Brian as you drive past Milwaukee…
Vicks Innocent 51, Pam And Da Boyz 39
The Johnny Sack Exchange 48, Because Its Worth It 24
So who's hotter right now? Neil or the southern coast of California? Neil wins again, improving to 6 - 1 and staying just a half game off the league lead by defeating Ken and Malibu Barbie and knocking Da Boyz out of the N-Cubed Division lead… …and giving that very same N-Cubed Division lead to Fab who doubled up Team Flinn this week. Neil, some day Don Fab said he might ask you for a favor, and that day has come. Consider this win a token of Fab's appreciation… Mike? Jim? I have to ask… Is it still worth it?
Magic 47, Pina Coladas At Trader Neils 23
Cover jinx? What cover jinx? Nick certainly does have all the tricks (after all Trix are for kids!) as he makes Chuck and Joe look like silly rabbits, doubling up (plus one) on the Werewolves of London. Speaking of London, what's the line on the Giants/Dolphins scrum down at Wembley this weekend? And more importantly, will that Geico lizard be there? Because, while Geico can't help you win fantasy football games, they can save you plenty of money on your car insurance. Which would give Joe some spare cash to improve this mediocre team of his. Sing it with me Warren Zevon style, "ah-ooh, werewolves are struggling", but Charlie's hair is still perfect…
Shut Up And Drink 41, Snap Tackle And Pup 28
Marc improves to 5 - 1 - 1 and remains in 3rd place, a mere game out of first, with a victory over The Richmond Cereal Boys, Brian and Dave. Now winning last week with all his Colts on a bye was an impressive feat for Marc, but what's more amazing is that he's won 5 ½ of 7 with only a single running back score (Tatum Bell way back in Week One) all season! And where's Tatum Bell now? Might want to check the back of your milk carton in the morning as your preparing your Rice Krispies…
Lexington Steelers 40, Pac Man Fever 36
While the "no kicker" strategy was a no-go for the Dogs this past weekend, the less often employed "no QB" strategy was spot on for Rob as he gets the all-my-QBs-were-on-a-bye win. If it wasn't for Mr. Lemon-aid getting yet another unexpected rushing TD, you would've thought JL & Kev also had all their QBs on a bye too! The win, Rob's third straight, vaults Lex to the top of the Gone West division standings while the loss drops Kevin's all-time career winning percentage to .463, a mere .008 away from dropping lower than the Mike Malures career percentage.
Blame It On Alex 18, Best One 13
In a contest where the offense was more ambiguous than trying to figure out which team Albus Dumbledore plays for, Blame It on Alex won a close one, defeating Russ by 5. Not that there's anything wrong with that! Lots of "dee-fense" chants in this one as both teams struggled to score points. With the win, Bruce joins the not-so-elite 20-career-fantasy-wins club. Just don't ask him how many losses he has. And Brucie, we need an Alex stats update from last weekend, I'm hoping we didn't jinx him by having him on the cover of SI did we? No one else there seemed to get affected so here's hoping everyone came through safely…
October 17th, 2007
Yes I do realize that it may be a little early in the season to start this but somebody's got to try to cool The Kid off...
Week 6 Results
Magic 59, Clear The Red Zone 56
Almost a major upset but Hard Luck Boghosian gets himself "hanrattied" by the Magic Men despite outscoring the rest of the league. Here's to an "anti-cover jinx" for you Bri!
Because Its Worth It 50, Pac Man Fever 30
LT runs all over Pac Man Fever, collecting lots of yellow pellets, fruit, blue ghosts, and a win for Team Flinn. Kevin and John consider changing team name to Donkey Kong...
Lexington Steelers 42, Pam And Da Boyz 28
Rob gets his three-way as he muscles his way into a share of the Gone West lead, while Pam & Ken stay on top of the N-Cubed where every team tasted defeat this past week.
Shut Up And Drink 41, Best One 36
Colts? We don't need no stinkin' Colts! Marc's win gives the Garden State divison the top three teams as Russ considers changing team name to "Why Can't I Beat Marc?"
Blame It On Alex 41, Who Let The Dogs Out 30
Bruce and The Other Kid join the pack at .500 and make it 4 of the top 5 for the Garden State. Somebody throw these Dogs a bone (or give them Tony Hunt back) as Don and John are in a Mets like free fall right now!
Snap Tackle And Pup 41, Pina Coladas At Trader Neils 34
It's getting crowded atop the Gone West does anybody have a shoe horn? Never mind, Rob's here too, put that away before someone gets hurt! That's three straight for The Krispie Krew and the Raiders are in contention and Joe Torre's still in limbo, so Brian L, I have to ask, where have the long e-mails gone?
Vicks Innocent 40, The Johnny Sack Exchange 36
Looks like 40 points made you a winner this week, well unless your monogram is "BB" that is. Neil keeps pace with the leaders, remains in 2nd. Fab calls Fed Ex for a pickup, Bronco helmets for everybody!
October 10th, 2007
I've already successfully written this column once tonight, but apparently Dick Jauron called a timeout so I have to do it again…
Let's start things off this week with a Top 10 list from the Home Office in Glastonbury, Connecticut…
Top 10 Captions For This Picture of Our Very Own Alex Lerman…
10. {in best John Facenda voice with booming orchestral music in the background}. "Young Alex gallops across the frozen tundra, narrowly averting his pursuers at every angle…"
9. After losing two RBs in two weeks to injury, Fabrizio starts scouting the local junior ranks for talent. "Hey he's not a Cadillac, more like a RAV4, but I think he'll do…"
8. "OK, if I can score this touchdown Dad says I can stay up late to watch High School Musical 2 for the 422nd time…
7. That #61 kid in the background on the left? Isn't he the "I can't move my arms" kid from that holiday classic, "A Christmas Story"?
6. Vikings? I didn't know Adrian Peterson was white?
5. "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…"
4. "If I break into the secondary I have to try hard not to pass out near the goal line, fumble the ball and sprain my ankle in the process like Uncle Brian once did back when he played Pop Warner". COMMISH'S NOTE: sorry Bro, it's a great story worth re-telling some day!
3. "One look at Bruce and you would never expect his stock to produce something so athletic. I think it's time for a paternity test" - Joe via e-mail
2. "Anyone seen Bruce's UPS guy? They're normally athletic and agile. Hmmm?" - Kevin via e-mail
… and the #1 caption for this picture
1. "He… could… go… all… the… way…"
Ah, all kidding aside, thanks for the pic Bruce, keep 'em coming, I'm looking forward to some more Alex pictures and stats as the season progresses. From what I can tell he's still outgaining Larry Johnson for the season!
Has anyone checked the schedule yet? Looks like there's six (yes count 'em 6) byes this week! Is that right? Aren't they're usually four at a time? Well guess we've got dealt the (Arizona) cards so now we've got to play the hand. Don't know about you but I'm thinking "bluff"? With 18.75% of the league out and another 18.75% of the league using untested backups QBs (did I really willingly pick up Cleo Lemon this week?!), I say we keep things short and sweet this week on the fantasy football front. What do you say first team to 20 points in each match-up wins? This week's bye list brought to you by The Brady Bunch. The Indianapolis Greggs, the San Francisco Peters (all puns intended!), the Buffalo Bobbys, the Denver Marshas (Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!), the Pittsburgh Jans and the Detroit Cindys.
Week 5 Results
Pina Coladas At Trader Neils 42, Who Let The Dogs Out 24
Joe & Charlie get 50 cents apiece from the high points dollar but really should be sharing that money with Texans kicker Kris Brown who boomed (and I mean boomed!) three 50+ yard field goals this week for a single week league record for a kicker 25 fantasy points. Oh and Charlie? Did you collate those reports I left on your desk this morning? Twenty copies, double-sided and stapled if you can, the meeting's at two and we'll need to book the large conference room… The Dogs drop their 3rd straight and have only had one non-kicker score (Sammy Morris) in the past two weeks. The Curse Of Tony Hunt maybe?
Pam And Da Boyz 41, The Johnny Sack Exchange 12
Someone's whacking the Sack's running backs as Fab drops further back in the pack! That's the fact, Jack! Quick, somebody book The Commish on Def Poetry Jam… P&DB takes over the N-cubed Divison lead and are off to a much better start then the Men In Green. K-E-N-S, Ken's! Ken's! Ken's!
Best One 41, Clear The Red Zone 34
Things are certainly not in The Zone for Brian B as he loses his 100th career game and drops to 0 - 5 on the season, while humming "oh when the Saints, go marching in…" Don't worry Bri, you've got the 4 - 0 - 1 Magic next week in a classic "trap game". Let's hope they're looking ahead to Week 7… Well it looks like the defending champ, Captain Russ, has righted the Best One ship and now heads into a Week 6 match-up against Colt-less Marc with a chance to get back to .500
Vicks Innocent 37, Pac Man Fever 36
The Commish and Kev return to their "losing by a point" on Monday night ways, have lost 4th round pick Matt Leinart for the season and are now faced with the prospect of going into battle with QBs named Harrington and Lemon! As Chris Berman likes to say, "no one circles the wagons like Kevin Kelly!"… Neil improves to 4 - 1, 2nd place overall and high points overall, but is currently listed as "questionable" for Week 6 as he's still recovering from the end of the Cowboys-Bills game on Monday night. Let's just say Neil isn't a big fan of "Folk music" right now…
Lexington Steelers 28, Blame It On Alex 25
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well too bad it isn't worth 4 fantasy points, otherwise Bruce and Alex might have beaten Rob this past week… So let me get this straight. Both Rob and Trent Dilfer are currently in San Francisco! Great Scott! These two "separated at birth, brothers from different mothers" better not run into each other, they might disrupt the Space Time Continuum! Lex's win contributed to the Gone West division's 3 - 1 record this week, and the entire Div could've gone undefeated had two of them not been playing each other (see below)…
Snap Tackle And Pup 27, Because Its Worth It 15
ST&P win their 2nd straight to keep pace in much improved of late Gone West. Credit rookie owner Dave Kraft who has installed the "Easy Mac and Cheese" Offense which simplified the verbose play book that Brian had run (and you thought his e-mails went on forever!)… Team Flinn With One Less Jim (and what did happen to Mr. Murray?), remains in 13th place but promises to be born again with the addition this week of Kurt Warner. Warner to the Brothers, insert your own Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck joke here. Or use this one if you can't think of one. "Duck season, Bamrick season!"…
Magic 21, Shut Up And Drink 21
Do you stay undefeated if you have all wins and one tie? Well if so, then the binder remains unblemished at 4 - 0 - 1 and is still in first place after struggling to a low scoring Mexican standoff with Marc. Did I hear someone say "Mexican standoff"? I'm hungry after all this writing, got to get me down to the local Taco Bell for 4th meal. But instead of standing, I'm gonna take The Commish mobile through the drive-thru! Gonna get me two soft tacos and a John Carney asada burrito, anyone else want anything?
October 3rd, 2007
"And then there was one..." With four weeks of play under our belts we've got just one team remaining undefeated, it's the Binder Boyz setting the pace at 4 - 0, and what better way to celebrate the new Bruce Springsteen album "Magic", named after the team of course, (Or is it the other way around? By the way, it's still an album, I'll never get used to saying "the new CD") then to sit atop the Rowdy Friends standings on the day its released. If I may paraphrase a British bloke who plays a mean bass riff, "every little thing these guys do is Magic"…
Moving away from the "one paragraph per game" format this week I'd like to start off by presenting this video that I found while scavenging on YouTube over the weekend. Some freakin' hilarious fun as a fan rushes the football field and gets absolutely pasted by one of the players. So what's so funny about this Mr. Commish? We see this kind of stuff all the time… OK, well have you ever seen the one where the fan that rushes the field is a naked streaker? I believe this one's "SFW" (that's "safe for work") as you really can't see any of the guys naughty parts, (sorry Rob), but just in case you might want to look left and right of your cubicle before you hit the play button…
Now looking at the standings in our league I see that we've got 3 teams that all have scored 151 points. The strange thing about this? While they have all scored the same amount of points in four games, one team's record is 3 - 1, one is 2 - 2, and the other is 1 - 3. It's all in the schedule man, it's not how you play, it's whom you play, and when you play them… Speaking of schedules, this weeks Bye Bye Byes (brought to you by N'Sync) are the Oakland Fatones, the Cincinnati Chasez, the Minnesota Kirkpatricks and the Philadelphia Timberlakes. Adjust your rosters accordingly…
Finally, I'm reading this in Sports Illustrated this week and thinking how in the world did this happen and no one has noticed up until now? You all recall that Tom Brady fathered a son with his ex-girlfriend, actress Bridget Moynahan, right? And that supposedly, even after breaking up with her while she was pregnant, everything seemed to be OK between the two, right? Well, apparently this was not the case… For you see the baby boy born on August 22nd, (I wonder if Bill Belichick has any video footage from the delivery room?) was named John Edward Thomas by Bridget. Why these particular names? Well it's supposed to be Daddy Brady's first and middle names in reverse order (Thomas Edward), but if you haven't already figured out the sinister part of all this yet, take the first letter of each part of the baby's name and what does that spell? J-E-T, (S, Jets! Jets! Jets!). Awesome! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned they say. What kind of odds can I get on current Brady squeeze Gisele getting pregnant and naming the kid Bill? Neil, can I get a line on this?
Week 4 Results
Magic 52, Pam And Da Boyz 23
Vicks Innocent 49, Blame It On Alex 42
Shut Up And Drink 39, Who Let The Dogs Out 16
Pina Coladas At Trader Neils 34, Because Its Worth It 20
Best One 33, Lexington Steelers 29
Snap Tackle And Pup 31, The Johnny Sack Exchange 27
