OK, so the usually reliable Sports Illustrated cover jinx failed us! What happened here? The SI Jinx never fails? Well, after further review I think I see the error of my ways. Allow me to explain. As the focal point of the cover I chose to use a really cool picture of the Grim Reaper, figuring hey the team I’m trying to jinx is Bo Knows The Reaper, they’ve got that Death dude on their helmet and everyone knows that the physical manifestation of death is way cooler than Bo Diddley, Bo Jackson and even Bo Duke (sans Luke) combined! So off I go with the reaper motif without another thought on the subject. However, I’m not thinking this through completely as there are two other teams in this league where a picture of reaper on an SI Cover could have a negative impact. One, of course, is Like Hell and the other is my own Don’t Pay The Dingman’s Ferryman, wherein the guy who steers the ferry boat is none other than your friendly neighbor-hooded reaper. Well I believe his name is Chaur actually in mythology but he’s still of the reaper persuasion. As fate would have it, these two very teams were playing each other this week and guess what? The team with the more reaper-intensive logo lost, also proving the point that it’s the picture that makes the jinx and not the text on the cover (or in the team name). Yes folks, I jinxed myself! Like I needed any help after losing three games in a row? Better make that four straight losses now. Pardon me while I stick this nicely sharpened pencil in my left eye…

So after the dust settles, the ink dries on the cover, the ferrymen are all paid, and I break out the Visine to get the red out of my now self-damaged eye, we’ve got Bo Knows The Reaper still undefeated and daring me to try to jinx them again and Marc winning his 3rd straight game as the QB carousel continues to turn. First off, I say it’s good that Charlie’s in first place because it looks like he’s going to need all that prize money to afford that nice set of matching barstools that his wife Robin wants. Secondly, I will definitely come a calling again with another, more focused cover should they remain undefeated in the near future! And thirdly (is that a word? Thricely perhaps?) , let’s address this Like Hell QB thing in the next paragraph…

We’ve got two other teams to cover in this two-game recap and I’d like to use a presidential election analogy for both. Like Hell and Best One have used a combined 14 QB’s between them thus far this season, 7 QB’s apiece. The league record for most QBs used by a single team in a single season is 10 in case you were wondering. Now in two weeks time we’re going to be voting in this country to choose the Best One candidate between Mushin Muhammad and Baltimore RB Leron McClain. Depending on the outcome this country could become Like Hell. Notice how I cleverly don’t mention my own preference here or which candidate I believe will take us on that ride across the River Styx and once again meet our Ferryman, who will of course need to be paid in advance (so he can then redistribute it to the other lower paid ferrymen on the other less traveled rivers)? Anyways, I digress… Both these teams need to pick up a strong signal caller so might I suggest none other than Joe Quarterback? Yes, everyday, everyman Joe Quarterback, who puts up some good numbers from week-to-week, usually above average but never more than 250 yards a week. Otherwise, as we’re all well aware by now, he may soon be in danger of having to pay higher taxes once he improves and hits that 250 yard level…

The Sparanos 22, Hanging Chad 12

So who did Fab have to pay off here to keep this score so low? You expect me to believe that a team that scored 96 points just a few weeks ago suddenly is only capable of one-eighth of that output? Now I know Alex isn’t old enough to have facial hair but can you say “point shaving”? Word has it that the Under on this game was hovering in the mid-to-high 40s all week but suddenly plunged to the mid-30s after a whole lot of money came in on the under side, reportedly laundered in through some kind of export business? Hanging Chad? How about “hanging yellow envelope taped to the side of the garbage can with lots of cash in it, just go get it, keep the score down and buy your son something nice with the loot, but not too fancy otherwise folks will ask questions, you saw the end of Goodfellas right?” Hmmm, methinks a league investigation is in order here. Fab, Bruce and Alex will be contacted shortly by the league and asked to appear before The Commissioner to explain themselves and their actions. Meanwhile to keep Fab out of further trouble he will be provided with four bodyguards to watch over him paid for at the league’s expense. Alex will be given a hand-held Pac-Man game to keep him occupied and as for Bruce, we’re going to ask him to place the dirty money (Fenster baby!) in an escrow account and if he’s found guilty, that money will go directly to Robin Baker as recompense for her busted chair on Draft Day. Anyone got any problems with this? If so, please file a complaint with the league’s legal department and the firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe will be happy to represent you and apprise you of your legal rights.

Huddle Of Mud 54, Gotta Believe 41

Well it looks like the (Thomas) Glass in now half-full for Huddle of Mud as they’ve won 3 of their last 4 games after an inauspicious 0 – 2 start. Three out of four did you say? Actually that makes the Glass 75% full doesn’t it? And what a way to win here! Brian and Thomas rode the legs of their two Tennesse Titan running backs (don’t even go there with that visual. However, I’ve got Visine if it’s too late and you already went there), to 36 points of their 54 points while the usually higher scoring kicking position accounted for just 3 points out of 54. if we’re still checking the glasses, the RB glass was 67% full but the kicking glass was 94% empty. But who’s counting? Speaking of the Titans, I see in this week’s upcoming injury report that WR Justin Gage has been limited in practice and WR Justin McCareins has not practiced at all this week. Might I suggest to whomever is in charge of Tennessee personnel that they go out and sign a new receiver immediately? There’s this guy named Justin Case who should be available and ready just in case you need him (rim shot; bum-dum-bum)…

Now I need to have a serious intervention with Mike & Bobby. What in the name of Clarence Clemons is going on here with this team? 1 – 6 and in last place? Five straight losses? I get the Mets connection in the “Gotta Believe” team name but right now this team is in worse shape than the Mets bullpen! I understand we had “retro week” a few weeks ago but that doesn’t mean your team has to suck as bad as it did back in the day? Honestly now, you can come clean with The Commish, Nick’s gone missing hasn’t he? He’s like the anti-Matt Millen. Either he’s been kidnapped by Charlie and Joe (because of the whole lifetime winning percentage thing) or he’s gone off to college early or maybe he’s taken off to Vegas to elope? I’m not sure what’s happened but one thing is clear. Nick is certainly not in charge here is he? The “Weekend At Bernies” routine is not fooling anyone, although I must admit you showed nice restraint in not picking up Bengals QB Ryan Fitzpatrick in the last two weeks because that would’ve given it all away for sure! Long live the days of TJ Rubley! Do I need to forgo another SI Cover and start a milk carton campaign instead? Maybe get Nick’s picture on the back there so you can find him, get him back in charge of the team and start moving up to the top half of the standings where you belong? Just let me know, I’m here to help…

Pam And Da Boyz 51, Wait Til Next Year 33

Ken “The Mouth That Roared” Bamrick takes over the lead in the N-Cubed divison (NY, NJ and New England) and also takes the lead in the overall lifetime series between the Bamricks and the Flinns, which I believe now stands at 11 – 10 in favor of Ken. Now if this was all that happened in this game we’d be fine but we wouldn’t have a feud without a little controversy right? Well get a load of this. The Flinn boys have accused none other than Brett Favre himself of disclosing game plan information to Ken that showed how Pam And Da Boyz could beat Wait Til Next Year. Normally I’d say this is a crazy outrageous conspiracy theory that even Fox Mulder wouldn’t follow through on but you all saw how adamant Ken was this past week in defending the honor of his J-E-T-S (and their new QB) in the face of the Kevin Kelly’s ranting and biting rancor, didn’t you? Kind of makes you think there might have been some kind of a gentlemen’s agreement between the two parties no? You (Ken) keep that Giants loving maniac from Manalapan off my back and I (Brett) will show you how to beat those Flinn huckleberrys. If the league wasn’t already swamped trying to come up with an SI cover that will actually jinx someone, saving the Malures from themselves Dr. Drew style and also investigating The Sparanos point shaving scandal we’d get right on this…

Tony Hunt Fan Club - NJ Chapter 48, Clear November 33

Has anyone else noticed that the top three teams in overall points are separated by just one point each right now after seven weeks of play? Two QBs (321 points), Tony Hunt (320 points) and OJ’s Innocent (319 points) sit atop the scoreboard but if I can borrow a turn of a phrase from “Sesame Street” (Tackle Me Elmo anyone?) which of these things is not like the other? Well Neil has OJ’s Innocent in 2nd place in the standings and Rob has Two QBs sitting in 3rd place overall but what pray tell are Don & John doing with all these points? Not winning too many games obviously as despite being in 2nd place overall in points for, they are languishing in 7th place in the overall standings.

Meanwhile not to beat a dead reaper (is that redundant?) but the team in first place, the undefeated one mentioned earlier, is just 5th in points scored and the team that’s in fourth place is definitely not reaping what they sow either as The Ferryman, just 26 points off the overall points lead, find themselves in 13th place and two measley wins for all that offensive work. Guess the moral of this story is that you’ve got to get the “W”. Or as Al Davis might put it “Just win baby!”, followed of course by a 34 minute dissertation about how nobody respects him anymore and how Don & John are just a bunch of sissypants owners paying adulation to a fullback who’s been waived and why can’t Rob just afford two cups if he’s got the need for them and what the hell does Brian think he’s going to do when November arrives and how only Neil has the mental makeup to be a three-time (three time!) league champion who could coach his team anytime he’d like, just let him know and he’ll fire The Cable Guy. Hey Al, don’t you want somebody to love? Don’t you need somebody to love?

October 15th, 2008

Before things get out of hand here, I present to you the first Sports Illustrated cover of the season and, of course, along with said cover hopefully the jinx that goes with it! Let's see if this solves our little "only one team in the league is undefeated" problem...

Week 6 Results

The Sparanos 52, Tony Hunt Fan Club-NJ Chapter 41

Bo Knows The Reaper 48, Dont Pay The Dingmans Ferryman 25

Wait Til Next Year 42, Best One 25

Pam And Da Boyz 38, Huddle Of Mud 21

OJs Innocent 37, Hanging Chad 23

Like Hell 31, Gotta Believe 30

October 9th, 2008

Week 5 in the All My Rowdy Friends Fantasy Football League was "Retro Week" and featured teams wearing throwback jerseys honoring some of the great teams in our league's history. Within each game recap paragraph you'll find links that will bring you to the team pages on the league history web site. Click on those and you'll join Mr. Peabody and Sherman in the Wayback Machine on a trip to Rowdy seasons past…

Yes it's true, Bo Knows The Reaper, but let me tell you what else Bo knows. Bo knows all about being in first place! Looking to stay undefeated, Charlie and Joe's team took the field for Retro Week in the colors of their very first championship team, 1993's We Saw Elvis. Sporting The King in all his bejeweled football garb on their helmets, they went on to a 40 - 30 victory over Pam and Da Boyz and remain both undefeated and King's of the league after five weeks of the season. For the Bamrick family there was much pre-game discussion about which uniforms to go with. Pam wanted to wear the couple's franchise inaugural 1996 KGB II unis to commemorate the first year they teamed up as co-owners and Ken wanted to invoke the karma of their only championship team 1997's KGB III. Well a coin flip decided and the crazy dancing comrade won out over good ole Gorbachev, and the original KGB squad was honored from back in the days before Rob Moore when there were no (Arizona) Cardinals in the Kremlin…

Winning 30 - 21 and taking over 2nd place with a victory over Bruce & Alex's Hanging Chad is Brian Boghosian's Clear November. Now I think I've got Brian's strategy all figured out this season and I believe he's trying to win as many games as he can in September and October, opening up a nice lead on the league. Then he fulfills his promise and "clears" November (how exactly he'll achieve this remains to be seen), wiping 5 weeks off the schedule and leaving him with just the 4 final weeks in December to hold onto his lead. Brian had no problem holding such a lead six years ago and this week his team took the field honoring that league championship 2002 Moon Runners squad. For the father and son Lerman duo the history is not so long as they've only been in existence for 3 years, so they entered the stadium in the blue colored threads of Alex's rookie season, 2005's Blame It On Alex. That team finished 13th that season, which might explain the poor showing this week from the former record-setting Chad offense. As a matter of fact, Ronnie Brown scored 33 points in one game two weeks for Bruce & Alex. Back in '05, Ronnie Brown, on their roster for the entire season, scored how many points? Yep, you guessed it, 33…

It's Two QBs, One Cup and one loss now for Rob as he finds the "L Word" for the first time all season, unless of course, he's got Showtime on his cable system. Showing up all decked out in the black and purple of 2000's Ray Lewis Limo Service, the Brothers Flinn scored a 45 - 33 upset, overcoming the garish over-the-top retro look of Rob's most famously named squad, 1996's Joe Likes Little Boys. It's worth mentioning that at halftime of this game things got a little dicey. Realizing that Jim Flinn was not an official owner during Mike's 2000 championship season, the halftime entertainment gave Jim a little throwback love of their own as none other than Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake performed in the jerseys of Jim's rookie season, 2004's Wardrobe Malfunction. Long story short, Jim got on stage to sing "I'm Bringing Sexy Back" and Rob lit up a vintage 1998 Stinky Stogie, Joe showed up dancing in a Speedo and cheerleaders started sharing drinking containers. All this was too much for the network, which was forced to pull the feed from the air and divert programming over to the local affiliate which coincidentally, was showing "Heidi"…

In the Gotta Believe locker room before the game there was much chaos. All three owners wanted to wear a different throwback jersey. Mike was calling for casual look of the 1994 Binder Boyz XXL shirts. "It's The Best!", he proclaimed. Bobby didn't agree. He wanted to wear a 1993 Born To Run TJ Rubley original. "Gotta Have It!", he cried. Nick finally settled things once and for all by deciding that the team would sport the look of 1996's Thunder Road squad and also wear a big black "UJH" patch on their sleeves as well to honor original Binder Boy, Uncle Joe Hrabovsky. Unfortunately they had the screen door slammed in their faces (as Mary's dressed waved) as Don & John, in the 2004 He-Man Cowboy Haters garb, danced like a vision across the porch (and the Texas Stadium Star) as the radio played the Tony Hunt Fan Club fight song, coming away with a 58 - 47 win and the high points dollar for the week as well. Which given the recent financial woes that have beset this country, is probably only worth about 83 cents against the euro and lord knows what against the yen…

Without any real franchise throwbacks of his own, for you see Best One has been the same franchise with the same uniforms since its inception in 2004, owner Russ Jones went off the board, got creative and borrowed an old team from his friend Neil. Russ chose to wear the robes of Neil's 1997 Like Hell team to play Marc Rabin's Like Hell team, which was also decked out in retro unis honoring one of the league's founding franchises named, what else, Like Hell, the 1991 version 1.0. What the hell is going on here? How did they tell these two teams apart? Well, the "Hell"-mets were certainly no "Hell"p (ouch what I'll do for a bad pun! or two!) as the logos were exactly the same. Thankfully Bo Knows The Reaper was not involved in this game otherwise things would've really gotten out of hand (all hell could've broken loose)! Meanwhile Neil, ever so shrewd, nefariously bet on "Like Hell" to win and I believe actually collected at the end of the game when Like Hell (Marc's modern day version) defeated Best One (disguised as Like Hell) by a score of 53 - 25. I don't know about you but my head hurts! Let's get the hell out of this paragraph…

Neil knew he was in for a handful this week after seeing Fabrizio on the schedule. For you know if it's throwback week, Fab's certainly gonna sport the very intimidating tux and fedora of arguably the league's best single season ever, his only championship team, 2005's The First And Goalfather Part 2, which by the way has been brilliantly rendered onto Blu-Ray recently. In no mood to "kiss that ring", Neil countered by outfitting his team in the sudsy yellow and gold of one of his past champions, 2001's Bubba's Brew Crew, hoping that the memory of long departed (and way too early in life I might add) league owner John "Bubba" Ackalitis would lead his squad to victory. Never one to dishonor the dead, Fab's Sparanos squad bowed meekly to the ghosts of Cody Carlson and Don Majkowski, QBs on Johnny Ack's only Rowdy friends team, 1994's Looney Tunes, giving OJ's Innocent a 52 - 31 win this week and moving Neil into a tie for the Garden State Division lead with Bruce & Alex.

What Turn Back The Clock week wouldn't be complete without a matchup of the Legere Brothers? Two guys most definitely stuck in a decade long past. Long live the 80s bro! Unfortunately this league was not around back then (and why not? what the heck were we doing?), so both brothers were forced to go with more "modern" 90s garb. In deference to his 7-month old nephew Ryan, Brian got the OK from Huddle Of Mud co-owner Thomas "Heart Of" Glass (you knew I'd get an 80s reference in here somewhere didn't you?) to wear the red and orange of the cleverly named 1997 Tackle Me Elmo team. When word trickled in that they'd be facing a red and orange team, The Commish turned to Kevin for advice. Kevin, without missing a beat, turned the heat up on the Crayola box, opting to dress their Don't Pay The Dingman's Ferryman players in the bright neon colors of his 1994 High Steppin' squad. Game on! Car!… Game On! When all was said and done, Brian and Thomas, riding the now-injured leg of kicker Martin Gramatica came out on top 53 - 46, defeating Kevin and Der Kommisar and handing them their 2nd straight loss when leading coming into the Monday Night Game. Chris DeBurgh crossed the Dingman's Ferry bridge (paying the toll when he got to the other side) to be at this game. Performing at halftime, Deburgh sang not only "Don't Pay The Ferryman" but also did a parody version of his "Lady In Red" hit, substituting the word "Elmo" for "Lady" in each chorus as Ryan chuckled in delight while attempting to eat his Tackle Me Elmo toy.

Hope you all enjoyed that trip down Memory Lane and took the time to explore some of our league's rich 18 year history along the way! Thank you for indulging the whims of your crazy commissioner who dreamt this little stunt up a few weeks back while watching Brett Favre and the J-E-T-S wear their New York Titans throwback uniforms. Who knows, maybe next week we'll go back to the future! Provided of course I can figure out how to get my oil burning furnace to generate 1.21 gigawatts of power… 'til next week…

October 2nd, 2008

With the season already a quarter of the way over, here's a quick quiz to see how many of you have been paying attention thus far this year.

1. Bruce and Alex's Hanging Chad team recently broke the league record for most points in a game with 96. The old record of 91 was held by which team?

2. Rob Hanratty, who recently held first place for two weeks, but regrettably did not receive any props in this News & Notes space, has named his team Two QBs, One Cup. What is this team named after?

3. Huddle Of Mud rookie owner, Thomas Glass, recently got his first ever Rowdy Friends win under his belt. Which of the following nicknames will The Commish use for Thomas during the season?

4. Finish this SAT-like analogy about the Bo Knows The Reaper owners. Charlie Baker : Joe Mastrangelo like:

5. Off to a winless 0 - 4 start, which song from Marc Rabin's recent CD best describe his team Like Hell?

6. Fabrizio recently cut ARI RB Edgerrin James, who then went on to score two TDs after he was cut that could've meant a win for The Sparanos. Given Fab's track record, what should Edgerrin expect to receive in the mail this week?

7. Which of the following people could not be in a future Neil Eskow team name?

8. The song that inspired The Commish & Kevin's team name was sung in 1983 by whom?

9. "Da Boyz" in Ken & Pam's team name are whom?

10. Which of the following has Brian Boghosian not "Cleared" yet in a team name?

11. Which of the following would not be welcome at a family reunion of the Wait Til Next Year owners?

12. Russ Jones was actually the "best one" in the league, winning the Rowdy Friends championship in which season?

13. If the following "obscure" Rowdy Friends owners told you they were once a co-owner in a Malure/Migliore team which one would you "Gotta Believe"?

14. Tony Hunt (of Fan Club fame), became famous at the time for being the owner player drafted for which The Commish did not have a sticker for the draft board. But the same scenario repeated itself at this year's baseball draft. Which baseball player will probably get his own "Fan Club" in 2009?

EXTRA CREDIT (essay question): Please lay out in as much detail as possible, Al Davis' case for firing Lane Kiffin "for cause"

ANSWERS: (1)B, (2)C, (3)D, (4)C (but I'll accept D as well), (5)D, (6)A, (7)D,

… and finally for those of you keeping score at home …

Week 3 Results

Week 4 Results