If you don't mind I think I'm going to deviate a bit from the normal News & Notes format. Instead of devoting a paragraph to each Rowdy Friends league match-up from the previous week and sandwiching them with an opening and closing paragraph, we're going to ramble on for a paragraph or two about the comings and goings around the NFL. And along the way we'll run through a few quick Rowdy Friends franchise notes and we'll be sure to sprinkle in some of those pop culture references The Commish loves oh so much. Sound OK to everyone? Kind of sounds like a baseball column, doesn't it? Sure, let's begin…

As the owner of Austin Powers in Golden Domer, I feel I'm qualified to ask all of you the following question. Are you feeling randy, baby? No? Well I tell you one thing's for certain. Someone is going to be feeling Randy real soon. As in, Randy Moss, getting felt up by his roommate in the dark corner of his prison cell! Doesn't this boy get it yet or what? This season alone, we've got a traffic altercation and marijuana in two separate incidents? A public sideline argument with his QB, at least four dropped TD passes on Sunday night and dare we mention the attitude? Oh well, at least the "haters" amongst us can take solace in the fact that should it come to someone "feeling Randy" in prison, we know Moss won't be giving 100% and will only get "turned on" about 80% of the time…

Moving on to Jeremy Shockey's recent appearance on the Howard Stern show, where the Giants rookie bashed gays and admitted he wouldn't be too thrilled if he found out he had a gay teammate. What's up with that? Hasn't he every watched Seinfeld ("not that there's anything wrong with that!")? You think this phobia could result from the fact that Shockey plays a position called "tight end" and he's on a fantasy team called "The Rising"? Just wondering… Kurt Warner please pick up a white courtesy phone. Oh wait! You've got a broken pinky and a busted thumb, you can't pick anything up right now, can you? Sorry… J-E-S-T, Jest! Jest! Jest! Sorry Ken, I had to do that. And for those of you keeping score at home, I was doing that way before Berman was! He's got dibs on "nobody circles the wagons" but I tell you, the "Jest" thing? That was all me…

Will somebody please tell Shaun Alexander that the Vikings game is over! Man, was that a performance or what? Five TD's in the first half! The last guy to score that many points in a half was a running back named Ernie Nevers who played way back in the 1930's. No sorry, Joe, you can't pick up Nevers and no you most definitely can not have Stacey "3 TD's after Joe dropped me" Mack back either! Can you say "Edgar Bennett"? Or better yet, can you say "Ken Bamrick Marshall Faulk" three times fast… What in the name of Stan Humphries is going on in San Diego? The Chargers are undefeated after their first four games despite having absolutely no passing game. Whatever happened to Air Coryell? Looks like Ground Schottenheimer is in now and Drew's gonna be shooting the Brees watching Tomlinson run off tackle for 20 yards at a clip the rest of the season…

Now I know most of us love football on TV, shots of Gina Lee and hanging with our friends. In fact some of use probably even love burritos at 4 AM, parties that never end and dogs that love cats. But does anybody NOT love The Twins?… By the way did anyone else notice that the first "trade" in Rowdy Friends history has unintentionally occurred? After The Moops dropped Clinton Portis, Rob Hanratty dropped Olandis Gary and picked Portis up. The following week, the Brothers Caruso added Gary to their roster, effectively completing a "Gary for Portis" trade of Broncos RB's with Douche's Wild. Pretty neat, huh? But The Commish warns you, do not try this at home! You may find yourself being bumped for your QB pick and get stuck with Rodney Peete for a week.

Speaking of, check out the transaction page for the latest edition of Quarterbacks On Parade. Out this week and off Rowdy Friends rosters by unpopular demand are Kurt Warner (busted throwing hand), Kordell Stewart (busted career), David Carr (bye, as in "week off", not "so long farewell Auf Wiedersehn goodbye"), Vinny Testaverde (a "wet toast" offense indeed my brother), and the aforementioned Rodney Peete (let's just say he won't be flying first class on Air Coryell anytime soon!). Then to replace these stiffs it's "in with the new" as former XFL MVP Tommy Maddox (He Like Me!), Chad Pennington (Chad. How fitting. It is voting time once again in Florida, isn't it?), Jamie Martin (never trust a guy named Jamie. Jamie Foxx, Jamie Farr. See what I mean?) and Danny Wuerffel (my eyes!) all make appearances on league rosters this week. And that doesn't even include Smashing Pumpkins lead singer Billy Corgan, who'll be starting at QB for the Bengals this week. Oh wait a minute, that's Jon Kitna, isn't it? No wonder the Eagles just locked up Donovan McNabb for 12 years and $115 mil. Can you say "what a bargain"? And an inside joke for Mike Malure if I can; "What a bargain! Five-twenty-nine, you have penny?" OK, now back to the column…

For the first time in a few seasons, not one Rowdy Friends team is undefeated after Week 4. Can you say "parity"? Paul Tagliabue, my hero! However we do have a few teams sitting pretty at 3 - 1, including the rookie Caruso Brothers, who've got The Moops all fired up with their suffocating Bubble Boy Defense, allowing only 98 points against thus far… And how quietly has Neil snuck Bubba's Brew Crew back up to the top of the standings? Or as Neil aptly put it, "Better move back suckas, I feel good!" Hey, somebody get up that hill and knock that sucka down, will ya?… KGB III is also playing .750 ball despite having already employed five (5) different kickers in the first four weeks of the season. And you thought the QB's list in the last paragraph was ugly?… Kevin Kelly, our most gracious draft host, has Cut The Cord only two (2, and does it annoy you when I do that number thing like this?) points out of the top spot after hooking Shaun Alexander up to the Way Back Machine last weekend… And our final 3 out of 4 team, The Moon Runners, sit atop the Sharpe Division as Brian Boghosian and his partner James continue to Lay the Mack Down on the competition.

A couple of more comments before I let you all go for another week. How do you define "clutch" in two phrases? Now some of you might say "The Commish" and "long column" (especially after last week's "no show"), but I was thinking more along the lines of "Drew Bledsoe" and "OT touchdown pass"… Speaking of the Bills, having already traveled to Pittsburgh for a Steelers/Raiders game two weeks ago, Bubba's Brew Crew owner Neil Eskow's off to Buffalo this weekend to watch his beloved Bills take on the Raiders. Yes, the Raiders again. I;m not sure who's seen more Oakland games this season, Neil or Al Davis?… And finally, we have an announcement to make. Is there anybody in the audience who can kick a 24 yard field goal? If so, please see Carolina Panther coach John Fox after the column is finished, he's got a set of cleats and a jersey for you… That's all I've got for you this week. Show's over, you've been a great audience. Thank you for coming, please drive home safely and whatever you do don't forget to tip your waitresses… "…AND THE TWINS!" 'til next week…