So as we welcome a new governor in California (where groping is no longer a personal foul, 15 yard penalty), let's recap the Week 5 happenings. Peyton Manning channels the ghost of Frank Reich, bringing the Colts all the way back against the 'til now impenetrable Bucs "D". Dante Hall brings yet another kick all the way back, his 4th scoring return of the season, as the Chiefs remain undefeated. By the way, did you see all the scrambling going on during the return as Hall ran through the entire Broncos defense plus what seemed like the entire cast of Spartacus, extras included? Bodies falling everywhere! Kind of reminded me of that electronic football game we all played as kids. You know the one where you meticulously lined up the plastic guys on the metal surface then turned on the power, which resulted in having all the guys bounce around aimlessly no matter how careful you were in your original placement? And can someone tell me exactly how we were supposed to run a pass play with that little brown foam football thing? Anyway I digress, just thought I'd jog a memory…

Can Ricky Williams really play (and score) on both Sunday (for the Dolphins) and Monday (for the Colts)? Although I'm still trying to figure out how he hid those dreadlocks under his Colts helmet. Exactly when did cloning become a legal roster move in the NFL? And finally, I think we've proven the theory that in the NFL, as in life, you can't go home again. Witness Emmitt Smith's return to Dallas (-1 yard rushing, broken clavicle), Mike Holmgren's return to the Frozen Tundra ('Hawks first loss of the season, Favre goes nuts in the air) and Steve Mariucci's return to San Fran (the Lions left the motor back in the Motor City). However, Jake Delhomme, QB'ing the Panthers, beat his old team the Saints, proving perhaps that while you can't go "home" again, perhaps you can go "homme" again…

For the Rowdy recaps, let's begin at the bottom this week as some strange things are happening at Sleeping With The Fish headquarters… Fabrizio's boys dropped to 0 - 5 on the season after losing to Rob's Guys With Girl's Names 50 - 28, but that's not the story here. What is the story are the suspicious circumstances surrounding recent injuries to Fish players and ex-players. First Emmitt Smith scores a TD the week after he's cut loose by the Fish. So what happens the next week? Broken clavicle. Then, Fish kicker Matt Bryant, who's missed a few FG attempts the past few weeks, pulls a hammy on a field goal attempt this past week, essentially making him a non-Fish. Coincidence? I certainly think not! Don Fabio's not happy with his team's performance of late and if I'm Fish QB Trent Green, I'm hoping there's nothing resembling the Denver Broncos logo on the pillow next to me when I wake up on Sunday morning! And if that's not evidence enough for the DA's office, how about Rob Hanratty (the guy who beat Fab this week) losing his best player in our hockey league, Dany Heatley, in a car crash, just as the season's about to begin? Fab, have you ever been to the Buckhead section of Atlanta? Perhaps you can come down to the station for a few questions? We make a mean fettuccini in the precinct kitchen… By the way, bad boy wide outs David Boston and Jimmy Smith have apologized to Rob Hanratty for their recent behavior and as penance, have offered to change their names to Devin Boston and Kimmy Smith if it'll help the Girls team…

Don't look now folks, but faster than you can say "Hey Bobby, pass me an O'Doul's" the Malure Family has ripped off three straight victories to bring Glory Days to 3 - 2 on the season and into the league's first division. A 34 - 31 win over the hapless, helpless and half baked KGB III now has the Binder Boyz in 7th place, just a game off the lead. Nick baby, keep that Fountain of Youth flowing! Hey, I bet you've even got Uncle Mikey listening to Linkin Park and Dad drinking Red Bull don't you?… By the way, a question if I may for Clan Bamrick? What are you doing keeping Vinny Testaverde on the roster during a bye week? Now I realize that the free agent QB pickings are slimmer than a Brazilian super model, but a single TD throw from someone named Blake, Couch or Frerotte would've gotten you your first victory and a quick three bucks! Pam, I think it's time to shake things up in the KGB front office. First, fire your husband, your son and your dog. Sounds like the start of a country music song doesn't it? Then, bring back the old girlfriends (well at least the one with the twins, and no Rob and Kevin, not THOSE "twins") and change the franchise name to some cryptic initials and let's this ship back afloat!

Next up from the bottom it's the Big Gorilla, Kang Kong, who falls to 1 - 4 after losing a 51 - 39 high scoring shootout against Mike and Jim's Bi-Polar Bears. And no, there's absolutely no truth to the rumor that the gorilla that escaped from the Boston zoo a few weeks ago was Dave Kang Kong himself. Although being locked up in a cage in a Boston menagerie for some time might explain why we haven't seen Dave at a draft in the past few years… The B.P. Bears are 3 - 2, sitting pretty despite not having Michael Vick play yet this season. Vick's due back shortly though. Once Vick returns to combine with the Bi-Polar's already strong running back trio, I think they can get the party started on River Ave. In fact, I hear Ray Lewis has a limo waiting at the end of the block, just don't let him drive you to Buckhead, dangerous place that is for both limos and Ferraris…

Moving on up the charts, we next have Brian and Sarah's No Pads, No Helmets…Just Balls, who gave a swift kick (27 points combined from place kickers John Hall and Olindo Mare) to Bubba's Brew Crew, defeating brand new Daddy Neil, or should that be Stacey Mack Daddy Neil(?), by a score of 54 - 29. Disgusted with the season that their favorite Raiders are having thus far, Brian and Sarah have decided to take matters into their own hands and have now banned rice from all their suppertime meals. Uh, that would be rice as in Uncle Ben's, not Jerry, right? I have to believe that if Jerry Rice and a bunch of the Raider receivers showed up on Sarah's doorstep at 6PM that she'd at least have the decency to feed them. I also think there's a rumor going around that if they lose another game, they're throwing out all their Wheat(ley) bread as well! As for Neil, there's not much news coming out of Brew Crew H-Q since Baby Krista was activated off of the practice squad and Neil now needs to keep practicing his game day routines on a daily basis! "What in the name of Willis McGahee is that smell? Oh! Now where exactly does Pat keep those wipes?" Is it just me, or does anybody else think a reality show with cameras catching Neil as a father 24/7 would make for must see TV? I see an Osbournes-like show, with Neil playing Ozzy to Pat's Sharon, don't you? Somebody get me the head of MTV programming on the phone…

Jacksonville Joe and Charlie, the Fabulous Baker Boy continue their winning ways as Medulla Oblongata water(boy)s down The Penske File, 33 - 14. Already concerned with their recent scoring drought from players other than their Lion contingent (Harrington, Hanson, Rogers), the Brothers Caruso appear to now be taking the classic Kiss song literally and are currently losing their mind in Detroit Rock City! It was definitely not a beautiful Tuesday in the neighborhood for Guy and Joe as star wide out Charles "Mister" Rogers got injured in practice and will miss the next 4 - 6 weeks, joining Marshall Faulk on the Penske reserve list. Hey wait, we don't have one of those, do we? Yeah, I know what's next, can we vote next season on a freakin' reserve spot? Don't cry for me Argentina, I've heard it already! Rob, would you care to do your explanation thing once again? And this time, inform the Brothers C that they're close to the bottom of the standings and now stand to gain from our rules instead of being "victimized" by them…

Grabbing the high points dollar this week, and moving all the way up to third place is Mr Underhill's Credit Card, who rolled over Keep It Rolling Along by a whopping 62 - 25 margin. Things haven't been exactly "rolling along" for our defending champion Brian Boghosian. He's now lost two of his last three and promises that if things don't shape up, he's going to cut his whole team and pick up the casts of Playmakers, Any Given Sunday, The Replacements and The Longest Yard. Now if this should occur, I'm interested to see if Jamie Foxx makes the cut at QB… By the way, did I mention to you all that Mr. Underhill co-owner Mark "Ferris" Machiedo is currently enrolled in his first semester at Seton Hall Law School? Yep, I hear he's studying to be Lawyer Milloy…

And finally, last, and certainly least, much to our collective chagrin, Kevin Kelly's Cortisone Injection, remains in first place despite a 45 - 39 loss to Hawaii 5 O, er Ian and Chris' Late For Luau. Book 'em Dano! With the victory, Ian and Chris have surpassed last season's victory total in just Week 5 and also stave off Ian losing his 100th career game for at least another week. So where are we on this whole contraction thing that Kevin brought up two weeks ago? Are we still thinking Kang Kong and Penske, or can we can KGB and Sleeping With The Fish? Ouch, why does my shoulder hurt all of a sudden? Hey Fab, cut that out! Drop the sackcloth doll and those stickpins! Alas, once again I digress... The aforementioned win puts Luau in 2nd place, just 14 points behind our current leader Kevin. Now I ask you, speaking of "leader", who would you rather have in the top spot, Kevin or Arnold Schwarzenegger? I honestly don't know, I think I'd vote for Gary Coleman, because much like you, I'm left "groping" for an explanation to all of this…

Week 6 match-ups go something like this: KGB III (0 - 5) hopes to get the monkey off their backs when they meet The Big Gorilla, Kang Kong (1 - 4). Guys With Girl's Names (2 - 3) go on a shopping spree with Mr. Underhill's Credit Card (4 - 1). Late For Luau (4 - 1) lights the tiki torch when they host No Pads, No Helmets…Just Balls (3 - 2). The Bi-Polar Bears (3 - 2) take on Medulla Oblongata (3 - 2) in the Brain Bowl. Cortisone Injection (4 - 1) plays the surging Glory Days (3 - 2). Bubba's Brew Crew (3 - 2) meets The Penske File (2 - 3) and Keep It Rolling Along (3 - 2) tries to avoid becoming the first identifiable victim of Sleeping With The Fish (0 - 5).

This week's byes include Steve Mariucci and Mr. Rogers Neighborhood (The Lions), The Minnesota Frerottes (an idle ball gathers no Randy Moss), The Cincinnati Bungles (let the Carson Palmer watch begin) and the San Diego Chickens (come on Marty, give us a little Flutie, one last time!). So please adjust your score sheets accordingly… Well, I was all set to finish this week's column with a Jeremy Shockey interview, but it turns out I was running a little bit long and not writing a "winning" column, so Shockey, doing his best impression of a Giants fan, decided to leave early to beat the traffic. Hey, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! 'til next week…