OK class, it's pop quiz time in the All My Rowdy Friends Fantasy Football League! Let's see who's been paying attention all season. Twenty-five questions below, a mix of multiple choice and short answer. You'll have 30 minutes to complete your test (and the answers are below, but please no peeking!) Eyes on your own paper, number 2 pencils ready and begin…

1. Name three Indianapolis Colts running backs who've scored a TD this season.

2. Who's more dangerous with an axe?

a. A lumberjack

b. Jason Vorhees of "Freddy Vs Jason" fame
c. Mike Myers in the movie "So I Married An Axe Murderer"
d. Jacksonville Jaguars punter Chris Hanson

3. (or KGB III if you prefer)…

Part I, Which of the following has never been used by Pam as a team name?

a. B.M.W.
b. J.E.T.S.
c. N.O.W.

Part II, List at least three reasons why Ken was justified in liking his team when he left the building on Draft Day.

4. If The Penske File, owned by Guy and Joe Caruso, scores just 151 points in the first 6 weeks of the season. What is the points-per owner-per week output of the team?

a. 25.16

b. 12.58
c. 75.50
d. 50.33

5. Which guy with a girl's name is on Rob Hanratty's team?

a. Kelly Holcomb

b. Kerry Collins
c. Ashley Lelie
d. Stacey Mack

6. Which of the following is NOT a St. Louis Rams WR or TE?

a. Dane Looker

b. Ernie Conwell
c. Shaun McDonald
d. Brandon Manumaleuna

7. Match each item in Column A with its corresponding description in Column B 

a. No Jacket Required		1. Sign found at a baseball stadium

b. No Shoes, No Shirt, No Dice	2. Brian Legere's team name

c. No Pads, No Helmets…Just Balls	3. Quote from "Fast Times At Ridgemont High"

d. No Pepper			4. A Phil Collins album

8. The appearance of which piece of equipment lying next to you when you wake up in the morning is a sign that Sleeping With The Fish owner Fabrizio Sparacino is not enamored of your recent behavior?

a. An Indianapolis Colts helmet

b. A Denver Broncos helmet
c. A jock strap and a "K" kicking ball
d. Shoulder pads

9. Which player best describes the profession that Mr. Underhill's Credit Card co-owner Mark Machiedo hopes to go into after he graduates?

a. Lawyer Milloy

b. Priest Holmes
c. Donald Driver
d. Tiki Barber

10. Donovan McNabb is having a bad season because

a. The Eagles offensive line sucks

b. There's no continuity at running back
c. Fans are allowed to bring their own food into the new stadium
d. the media is just looking for a black QB to fail
e. all of the above

11. Match these famous "halls" with their jobs 

a. Dante Hall		1. Famous NYC dance club

b. Monte Hall		2. Redskins kicker

c. John Hall		3. Chiefs kick returner

d. Webster Hall		4. Game show host

12. A word problem, everyone's favorite… If Ian and Chris have 6 Seahawks on their 12 man roster, then add Seattle TE Itula Mili in place of a non-Seahawk receiver, what percentage of the Late For Luau roster will consist of Seahawks? And how many upgrades and/or patches to Windows XP will it take before Microsoft Excel is able to properly display this percentage to 5 significant digits after the decimal without opening up a security hole that hackers can exploit?

13. Rearrange the letters in the following words to spell the first, middle and last name of Neil's baby daughter:

STAR MILE YIKES WOK

14. Which of the following items does not belong in the group?

15. Just like the do in "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire", place the following 4 items in order from highest to lowest by weight.

a. Martin Gramatica

b. A baby elephant
c. 12 16-pound bowling balls
d. Kevin Kelly

16. Bi-Polar Disorder is:

a. Two polar bears running amok

b. A highly disruptive and sometimes deadly brain disorder
c. What apparently caused Oakland Raiders center Barret Robbins to miss the Super Bowl
d. Scoring the highest points in your fantasy football league while forming an unholy alliance with Kevin Kelly by carrying the majority of the e-mail trash talking from week to week.
e. all of the above

17. Which of the following teams did Bill Parcells not improve as their coach?

a. New York Jets

b. New England Patriots
c. New York Giants
d. Dallas Cowboys
e. Those kids from "Remember The Titans"

18. Name all three kickers employed by the Giants thus far this season.

19. Which of the following words would shock Jeremy Shockey the most?

a. homogenous

b. homosapien
c. homophone
d. homoerotic

20. Charlie Baker is to Joe Mastrangelo as…

a. Bonnie is to Clyde

b. Peanut Butter is to Jelly
c. Bert is to Ernie
d. Jacques Chirac is to George Bush

21. Brian Boghosian's "Keep It Rolling Along" is a tribute to what sports show?

a. ESPN's Playmakers

b. Any Given Sunday
c. The Replacements
d. The Longest Yard

22. Complete this now famous phrase uttered by The Neighborhood Prophet in front of Rob Hanratty's apartment on Draft Day.

"Your mama sucks ____________"

23. Warren Sapp…

a. All Pro defensive lineman

b. Pass catching tight end
c. Does the Safety Dance through opponent's pre-game stretch
d. Has a bigger mouth than Rush Limbaugh
e. All of the above

24. Dave Kang's team name the only season in which he won the league and had a winning record was?

a. Kang Kong

b. Koreans Know Football
c. One More Penalty Minute
d. The Big Gorillas
This question by the way, gives me an idea for a league history quiz at a later date!

… and the last question, hurry, time's running out!…

25. Please discuss in detail the reason we don't have a Reserve List in this league and how it benefits the lower ranked teams. For extra credit, please discuss the pros and cons of a playoff system and how it might impact the Caruso Brothers .

OK, that's it! Pencils down! So how did you do?

ANSWERS

(1) Ricky Williams, James Mungro, Domenic Rhodes, Edgerrin James
(2) d, (3) Part 1 - c, Part II - Pennington, Ricky Williams, a Bengals kicker
(4) b, (5) c, (6) b, (7) a-4, b-3, c-2, d-1, (8) b, (9) a, (10) e
(11) a-3, b-4, c-2, d-1, (12) 58.3%, never, (13) Krista Emily Eskow
(14) c, the trophy, (15) b-d-c-a, (16) e, (17) e, sorry that was Denzel
(18) Mike Hollis, Matt Bryant, Brett Conway, (19) d, (20) c, or d if they're losing
(21) a, (22) "… grapes off a d**k tree", (23) e, (24) c, (25) ask Rob Hanratty and Mike Flinn

SCORE

25 correct - You want to do the stats next week?
20 - 24 - Commissioner in training
15 - 19 - You should read the News & Notes more often
10 - 14 - Shouldn't lose interest after Week 3
less than 10 - Where exactly are you on Sundays?

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