Geez, is it Week 6 already? Actually it'll be closer to Week 7 by the time you read this, won't it? Are the Malures still in first place? Has KGB won a game yet? Did someone grab Jerry Rice this past week? All these questions and more will be answered in the paragraphs below. And for what might be the first time in league history, no team that lost had a high enough score to beat any team that won this past week. So if anyone's planning on complaining about the schedule, now is not the right week to do that. Read on my rowdy friends, read on…

Let's lead this week's recaps off with some congratulations for a team than hasn't won anything in quite some time. No, we're not talking about the Red Sox, they've already been congratulated in the final baseball column of the season. Damn those guys, this is football and I'm talking about KGB III who get off The Schneid with a 43 - 30 won over Titties and Beer! Testing a new "baby" theory, Pam (welcome back!) decided to stretch our proven "have a baby win the league" concept a little bit further by trying out a "announce a baby, win your next game" corollary. Yes folks it looks like KGB IV is on the way! And that's four (4) as in the number not "I-Vee" as in "something you'd see on the set of ER"… Although an IV drip may be in order for Mr. Hanratty, whose incessant taunting of Ken, The Chaise Lounge Lizard this past week led not only to a very embarrassing defeat but the loss also moved Ken back ahead of Rob in the race for Rowdy Class of '94 president, which currently sits at Ken with 89 career wins and Rob with 88. With the win differential between these two teams now at just two games, Rob's currently -140 on the money line to stay ahead of Ken for season victories but he's at +125 to move back ahead of him in career wins before the season ends. I hear that Rob's already got a few G's down on himself in both cases and he's even tried to "tease himself" in a two bet parlay, but went on record to say he preferred "three-ways" better…

If your team is in first place and your kicker has a questionable hamstring would you replace him with one of the four available kickers on the free agent page? What if I told you this kicker with the hamstring issue was playing for the league's lowest scoring team? Of course you would! But Two and a Half Men didn't and it cost them a win. With Olindo Mare out, a Mike Alstott MNF TD gave Neil and Sucks 2 B Me a 37 - 33 win over Nick Malure and his band of Mare Men. Despite the loss, the Malure Clan remains in first place for the third straight week, points ahead of the four other teams currently boasting a 4 - 2 record. By the way, one more item to discuss while I've got Mike and Bobby's attention. Last week's poll asked how folks thought the Two and a Half Men would fare come season's end. And a record 20 votes were cast, with 11 selecting "they're the best, they'll win the league title!". Looks like John Kerry needs to recruit the Malures to help him get the vote out. If my count is correct, I think every single member of the Malure Clan, including Papa and Mama Malure, some distant cousin and the guy who cuts their lawn all voted for 1st place! We should have such a positive turnout on Election Day! Neil, sorry this paragraph's getting too long, we'll catch up with you next week. Fire someone from your staff and you'll get more press I promise…

Moving on up to the Pacific Northwest side, and finally getting their piece of the pie, are the No-Shows, a 36 - 29 winner over Genco Olive Oil. Speaking of moving on up, if anyone's interested in seeing our old friend Ian, click on over to this link, where Ian's company, housevalues.com, has been named the state of Washington's fastest growing technology company and landed Ian on the cover of a magazine! Nice job there Mr. CEO! You're definitely not "cover girl" material, quite frankly I'd take Angelina Jolie on the cover of People magazine anyday, but still mighty impressive! Now while you're busy playing Monty Burns to Jolley's Smithers, let's make sure that Chris, the No-Shows true owner, gets compensated accordingly, shall we? (OK Chris, was that what you asked me to do? Hope you got your 20 bucks worth! If not, let me know and I'll wire you back some change)… Speaking of guys running corporations, the CEO of Genco Olive Oil Company, Brian Boghosian himself, is talking about sending some of his running backs over to Iraq to "drill for olive oil". When corrected and told that you don't need to drill for olive oil, Brian whispered, "yes I know, but don't tell Quentin Griffith that, we've got him real scared right now and he promised to kill Ruben Droughns in his sleep and score for us next week"…

Looking for early candidates for this season's Edgar Bennett Award? Given each year to the owner who panics early and drops a running back, only to have that running back get picked up by another team and go on a scoring spree. Well look no further than Deuce McAllister, dropped by the Dead Fish after an apparent injury that was supposed to last at least 5 weeks, but whom then returned a mere two weeks later as a member of Wardrobe Malfunction and nipple-ringed up two TDs last week as Flinn-Jim-Jim doubled up Russ "Deacon" Jones and Best One by a score of 42 - 21. Unable to get his team above .500 yet this season, rookie owner Russ has decided that his new strategy is to lose the next two games, maintain his position in the bottom four spots in the standings, use that to his advantage to pick up Travis Henry and anyone else Dead Fish drops, then run off the last 9 wins and finish in the money. Not bad as far as strategies go, do you plan on keeping both your kickers regardless of injury as well, or are you also lying in wait for Olindo Mare once he finally gets cut?…

This week's high points dollar goes to Bruce "Almighty" Lerman, whose Dead Fish, despite still having the injured Tyrone "Shredded" Wheatley on their roster (due to an obvious a case of cold-feet after prematurely losing the Deuce, in a move that's sure to make silent owner Brian Legere not so silent), rang up a 45 - 33 win over Franks and Beans. Bruce also participated in Pam's "announce a baby, win your next game" test this past week as it was revealed that he and wife Marla are expecting their 3rd child sometime after the Super Bowl. Congratulations to both the Bamricks and the Lermans on their latest recruits! As for Chuck and Joe, there hot start has been a result of a change in their commuting patterns. How so you ask? Well both these guys are now taking The Bus to work, that's how! Every season at least one "goal line back" emerges out of nowhere. Someone who's guaranteed like one TD every two weeks one a yard goal line plunge. Gerald Riggs back in the day with the Falcons, Zack Crockett of late with the Raiders and now Jerome Bettis, whose 7 TD's lead the league despite the fact that he's run for less yardage than the distance from the front door to the sidewalk at Charlie's new house!

Got MiLK? takes back the South Jersey division lead from arch rival No Souper Bowl For You as John, Kev and Mark defeat Guy and Joe 42 - 27. In a little "home cooking" experiment usually reserved for Chef Caruso, The Commish has shaken up the Milk roster despite their 4 - 2 record, opting to replace wide receiver Ronald Curry with Jerry Rice. Hey Curry with Rice! Can you tell your commissioner has been working with too many programmers from India of late? So Joe, tell us, what goes well over Jerry Rice? Perhaps some linguine or maybe some fava beans and a nice chianti…

And in the late game, it was Don "Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My" Cardoza strengthening his lead in the Rookie of the Year race, improving his He-Man Cowboy Haters Club to 4 - 2 and 3rd place overall with a 38 - 23 whupping of Growing Up Goal Line. The win now has Don in contention for the Rowdy Friends title in only his first season in the league. Not since the days when Dave Kang's One More Penalty Minute team won it all in 1996 has a rookie been this successful. But we all know what happened to Dave's teams after that, don't we?… Speaking of things disappearing in a hurry, Fab's blaming this past loss on his QB Donovan McNabb who failed to throw a TD pass last week and Fab's insinuated in a post-game press conference that "Donovan might find something a little too chunky floating in his Campbell's soup next week". Really? Since when do they make Horse's Head Cheese?…

Well that's all the news that's fit to print this week. Good luck to everyone as we turn the corner these next two weeks and dare I say it, head into the 2nd half of the season! Man, how time does fly when you're having fun! 'til next week…