While The Commish is away, the other owners may play. Writing the column this week is our first guest volunteer, Ken "KGB" Bamrick. And in case you were wondering, the KGB stands for Ken Gets Beat...

Hello out there in Fantasy Land. Our poor, poor Commish appears to have allowed real life to get in the way of Fantasy Football so I wanted to help out the poor soul. While living up to the Commish's wit is next to impossible, at least I got this column done (you lazy bastard).

If the Commish's goal for the league was parity, he has accomplished that goal in spades. After just about ½ the season, the 13th place team is one game behind the 5th place team. This league is starting to look like the New Big East where a team like Rutgers has a chance to go to a bowl game.

On to Week 8:

High pts this week go to Brian B as his Entourage puts up 70 pts to make Ari & Turtle proud. AJ Feely kicked a$$ with 21 points, along with Neil Rackers 10, giving Entourage 31 points from the position. In this game, QB was a dangerous position to play. Bulger was already hurt. Culpepper and Roethlisberger (I don't know how to spell his f'ing name) went down as well. Bruce is still trying to explain what an MCL & and ACL is to his young football playing son.

Fab continues his domination wit a 59-31 drubbing of Mr. Flinn. Oh how I was praying to the football Gods that the Flinns would lose the week I am doing News & Notes. I guess after Chad and Fiedler got hurt in front of my eyes, these Gods felt they owed me a break. My T-Shirt, "I root for 2 teams, mine & who ever is playing Flinn" worked. Fab's team has the most points and has had the least scored against him which proves that teams in this league don't want to go against The Family (where is fredo anyway?)

In what the Commish's office is calling a highly disturbing occurence, Ian's Late Again squad exploded for 53 pts for their second win of the season over the misnamed Best One team. Despite 3 TD's from Kerry Collins, Russ could not overcome 26 pts from Ian's kickers. When contacted for a comment, Ian exclaimed that it was great to score so many points in the first week of the season. He also apologized for not making the draft last week????

In another doing it with mirrors game, Donovan McNabb threw 3 TD's and Steven Davis, not Steve Smith mind you, had 2 leading Joe & Chuck's Bury The Hatchet Squad to a 50-27 victory over Of Rice & Men. Don could have used a few men and Jerry Rice as his RB's & WR's delivered a total of 3 pts. I also feel I need to add that Chuck clinched/backed into the NASCAR fantasy championship as he clinched the title by getting his ass kicked by Ken B's last place team!

Speaking of Ken/Me, I have fired myself for the 5th time this season as the anemic Wide Left group limped past my horrible team 38-29. Things went well at 1PM for us but Jake Plummer and Trent Green beat us like green haired stepchildren in the 4PM games. I guess I should have put some Maxi-pads under my arms for luck against Brian's team.

Not much to say about the other 2 games as Rob H prepared for the Halloween Parade in the Village with an unimpressive 27-24 win over the Williams Brothers. I think Serena & Venus could score more than Mike Malure & his partners (now there is a visual). Rob has the 11th most points but is in 4th place overall, how does this happen?

Last and certainly least, Neil's Sucks 2 B Me team beat The Commish & Kevin 25-15. The networks shifted away from this game after the national anthem which was sung by a young dutch girl named Heidi.

Sorry there were no natural disaster discussions this week but I guess we can't have fun all the time. I don't feel like talking about the upcoming games and I am sure you are all bored with this already. Let me just close by saying I hate all of you and I wish a plague on all your homes, except for poor, poor John, who's life is so busy, he probably wouldn't even notice. Poor Baby…………….KGB