Hello everybody, The Commish returns this week after a one-week unexplained absence! Details on the next episode of the new CBS' crime show Without A Trace. Thanks again to KGB Kenny for filling in for me while I was away. Ken won his game the week he wrote the sheet (more on that later) so perhaps we'll be seeing another column from him sometime soon…

So the Bengals finally win one! And it was even guaranteed by head coach Dick LeBeau ! Hey Rob? Is Dick any relation to porn star Becky? Bengals, guarantees, porn stars, perhaps I better change topics? Last week we also saw the return of Thunder and Lightning as the Giants, under the play calling acumen of Jim Fassel, trounced the Jaguars. Air Coryell? No need, we've got Ground Fassel! The J-E-T-S finally get a much needed W-I-N over the powder blue jersey wearing, white helmeted San Diego Chargers and Tom Brady draws first blood over Drew Bledsoe in the season's first Patriots-Bills match up.

Despite losing for only the 4th time in the past two seasons, Bubba's Brew Crew holds on to first place after dropping a close 35 - 31 decision at the hands of KGB III. See, write the sheet, get a win! Anyone else care to try? It's a little easier then Brian Legere's "have a baby, get a win" strategy of last season, don't ya think? Let's see? Writers cramp or wife in labor? You make the call…

Saints? We don't need no stinkin' Saints! Austin powers their way up to 2nd place with a 33 - 19 win over The Last Touch Don despite having all the Saints in their line-up out on a bye. A surprise 12 point night from The Mighty Tiki (Barber) god pushed the Golden Domers over the top. The loss drops The Last Touch Don back to the .500 mark from which Fab vows to recover! Be a-fredo, be very a-fredo… Notice how in acknowledgement of my partner Mark's pain, I failed to mention the Notre Dame loss to Boston College in this paragraph? Am I a good co-owner or what?

The agony continues in the Pacific Northwest as Late For Draft goes "beyond the valley of the Binder Boyz" and drop their 9th straight game, a 34 - 7 drubbing by the River Ave Rats, giving them sole possession of the record for the league's worst start and longest losing streak. When will it end for Late For? Well with the Republicans gaining control of the Senate in last Tuesday's elections, I guess anything's possible. Don't worry Chris, it could be worse, you could be Winona Ryder! Next up for Late For, Austin Powers in Golden Domer. Hey wait, that's my team! OK, let's see what available on the web if I search under "breaking jinxes"…

Rob captures the high points buck for the 2nd straight week as the high powered offense goes Douche's Wild all over The Moops by a score of 44 - 31. Wild directly benefited from the Bengals first win as newly acquired QB Jon Kitna tossed 4 TD passes in the win. And the thanks Kitna gets? He gets cut this week by Rob! Yeah, I know, what are the odds he does it two weeks in a row? For The Moops, a tough loss in their rookie season, by hey, at least ex-Moop Clinton Portis didn't score against them, which would've made them the newest members of The Edgar Bennett Club. For more details on that just ask Joe Mastrangelo and Ken Bamrick…

The Wet Toast Offense continues their comeback, winning their second straight game, 33 - 26 over Kang Kong. I don't have too many comments on this match-up except to say that seven (7) players out of the 12 players on both teams' rosters that scored, scored exactly 6 points. That's 58% of all scoring players with the same number of points. Can I get a calculation over here on the odds of this happening? Can I get a Quick Pick? Can I get a priest to exorcise all these 6's…

Inspired by having their records for ineptitude broken, the Brothers Malure franhcise, The Rising, rose up to a 38 - 27 win over Down Boy! The O'Doul's was flowing in Binder Land as Mike and Bobby celebrated not only their expulsion from the league's record books, but their defeat of Charlie and Joe, the owners they've had the most trouble beating (and who hasn't?). In honor of their new found glory, and keeping their franchises' Springsteen tradition alive, Bobby and Mike will no longer be known in this column as The Binder Boyz. From now on, we'll refer to them as The Boss and The Big Man. I'll leave it up to you to figure out who's who in that pair…

Rebounding quite nicely from last week's 3 pointer, The Moon Runners hand Cut The Cord their 5th straight loss, 40 - 19. When finally reached for comment on his negative record setting performance, Brian said since last week was the start of the NBA season so he thought a 3 pointer was a good thing! How could I have lost? I was behind the arc! Meanwhile, Cut The Cord has their sights set on a few records of their own. Five straight losses and eight weeks left in the season means that should Ian and Chris finally lose, there's plenty of time for Kevin to break their record. And 3 points in one game? With two Houston Texans on his team I would have to think that record might be in jeopardy of falling as well. Yeah Kev, I know, "Bite you"…

Week 10 (my god is it Week 10 already? Where does the time go? When is that league history getting updated?) shapes up like this: The Wet Toast Offense (4 - 5) tries to get back to even when they meet KGB III (6 - 3). Douche's Wild (5 - 3 - 1) hooks up with Cut The Cord (3 - 6) in what promises to be a good down home, trash talking, in-box filling match-up. Austin Powers in Golden Domer (6 - 3) hopes that Late For The Draft (0 - 9) isn't feeling too randy this week as they try to avoid becoming Ian and Chris' first victim of 2002. The Rising (4 - 5) is on the upswing, looking to drown the River Ave Rats ( 3 - 6). Bubba's Brew Crew (6 - 2 - 1) hopes to fight off Kang Kong (4 - 5). The Last Touch Don (4 - 4 - 1) has a hit out on Down Boy! (5 - 4) and The Moon Runners (6 - 3) meet The Moops (5 - 3 - 1) for bragging rights to the letters M-O-O…

Only four more teams left that need to sit out a week, then it's "bye bye Byes" (with apologies to N'Sync for the possible copyright violation) for this season. This week's pine sitters include The Buffalo Bledsoes, The Cleveland Browns (or are they the Oranges now?), The Dallas Cowpokes and the Tampa Bay Chuckie Dolls. "And they were singing, bye bye to the NFL byes, drove my Chevy to Marv Levy but the weather was dry, and the Cowboys were trying not to whine, give Terrell a Sharpie, he'll sign. Just give Terrell a Sharpie, he'll sign…" And on that note, I'm outta here 'til next Wednesday night… 'til next week…