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As we open this week's column with The Commish's Office karaoke machine on full blast, everyone join me in a rousing song parody sung to the tune of Pete Townshend's "Let My Love Open The Door"
Boghosian's not repeating
And Neil's not getting any love
All former champs are retreating
And 12 wins just might be enough
Everyone is 5 and 4
Everyone is 5 and 4
Everyone is 5 and 4
In this league
Kevin Kelly thinks it's over
We're all looking up at his behind
But Chris Jolley's not rolling over
Late For's just a game behind
Everyone else is 5 and 4
Everyone is 5 and 4
Everyone is 5 and 4
In this league
Even those who had a bad start
Except Kang, Fab and Ken who're falling apart
Must win today, that's all you can say
Just ask The Commish for he dropped all his Saints
Everyone is 5 and 4
It's what the Carusos are both striving for
At 4 and 5 they're in misery
But in just one week they can be
Like everyone…
Everyone is 5 and 4
Everyone is 5 and 4
Everyone is 5 and 4
In this league
So if someone defeats you
Don't let it bring you down
Parity cures your problems
Win next week and you're back around
'Cause everyone is 5 and 4
Even Mike and Bobby Malure
Everyone is 5 and 4
In this league
OK, thank you Mr. Townshend! Who? Exactly… Now I was actually going to open up the column with a little song parody about the Denver Broncos current backup (read 4th string) QB, a former Notre Dame star, that would've went a little something like this. "No, his first name ain't baby. It's Jarious, Mr. Jackson if you're nasty!"… Did I say "former" Notre Dame star? That's actually a little redundant don't you think? After all, has there been a "current" Notre Dame star any time recently? Didn't think so. Unless of course, we're counting the new Raiders starting QB, Rick "Wallowing In The" Mirer? Reminds me of a Bruce Springsteen song actually, somebody enter 3245# on the karaoke machine remote for me please because ooh, ooh, baby, "I'm On Fire"…
Hey Raider fans is Rich Gannon home?
Blew out his shoulder, left you all alone
And that guy Marques, his right knee's on fire
Leaves-you-with-just Rick Mirer…
Tell me Charles Woodson is coach good to you?
Does he do anything you suggest him to do
Oh no, you think he should be fired
Uh-oh, no! It's Rick Mirer…
So hard to "just win baby"
With the offense so dull, got to count on Janikowsi
To kick a bunch of field goals
At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
Had a dream that Rice went down
Had to resign James Jett
Oh please, start the funeral pyre
Can't, can't, can't watch Rick Mirer…
There now. If I don't get some nasty hate mail from both Fighting Irish fan Mark Machiedo and our own loveable Raider fans Brian & Sarah Legere, I'll feel empty for the rest of the week! And speaking of empty, we're all out of music in the karaoke machine! I promise to have more tunes for next week so join us again then, when we'll have a tribute in song to this week's e-mail trash talking, including Pam "KGB" Bamrick singing her version of The Allman Brothers' "I'm No Angel", Brian Legere crooning that Disney classic "Snip-a-dee-doo-dah" and Joe Mastrangelo belting out a medley of "Double Dutch Bus", "Watermelon Rag" and "The Theme From CHiPs". 'til next week…
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