Week 12 and things are getting a little touchy in Philadelphia. Touchy and A.J. Feeley in fact, as yet another Eagles QB is hurt, this time it's "Don't Try To Be" Koy Detmer who now joins McNabb on the sidelines. Oh yeah, besides all the stress. the Eagles won big, must be the Bulger Effect again… "Who needs Ken Shamrock, we've got Warren Sapp and Mike Sherman in the Octagon where all hits are legal, on the next Ultimate Fighting Championship on Pay-Per-View!"… The Broncos debut their "Orange Crush" uniforms and lose one in the snow to The Colts in another "Mile High 50 Yard Field Goal Fest" as Mike Vanderjagt kicks a 54 yarder to tie the game and a 51 yarder in OT to win it. Did I mention this was in the snow? Can you say "vinatieri"? Vinatieri, Vanderjagt, must be a "V" thing (ain't nothin' but a V thang). Gee, what are the chances we've got a guy named Voldemort handling placekicking duties in Washington next week? And kudos to any readers of ESPN.COM's Page 2 Tuesday Morning Quarterback column if you got the inside joke in that last reference…

And speaking of jokes, the joke's no longer on Ian and Chris as they finally break their 2002 cherry, getting in the win column with a long overdue 40 - 35 victory over the Wet Toast Offense! This game wasn't decided until late Sunday night when Edgerrin James took the Giant Peach into the end zone and clinched the win, temporarily saving Chris Jolley's job in the process. Well you now what they say, "better Late For than never"… Having been the first team to lose to Ian and Chris this season, everyone feel free to send mass e-mails to Brian, ridiculing his recent fate, although something tells me we'll probably be hearing from him first about how certain players should've done certain things and why doesn't it ever work "the way it's supposed to"? All I can say to that is, "that's why they play the games"…

Late For will line up and "go for two" next week when they meet the still league leading Bubba's Brew Crew, whose 43 - 36 win over Austin Powers in Golden Domer snaps The Domers six-game win streak and pulls owner Neil Eskow a mere 5 more straight wins away from .500 for his career. The win over the formerly 2nd place Austin, coupled with an earlier Moon Runners loss, gives The Crew a 1 ½ game lead and means that Neil's magic number for clinching his 2nd straight league title stands at just 4… No reaction from The Commish and Mark after the loss, as in their anger, they were too busy gnawing on Mr. Bigglesworth and trying to figure out just how bad this Rutgers football team really is (shut out 42 - 0 by Notre Dame last week after hanging with Tennessee and Miami for awhile in previous games!) to comment…

Scoring 60+ points for the 2nd time in the last three weeks is KGB III who take the high points dollar with a 68 - 21 drubbing of The Moon Runners. Of course, in between those two 60 pointers was a loss to The Rising, you didn't think I'd let you forget about that one, did you Kenny? "Oh my god! The Binder Boyz killed Kenny!" Sorry, I left that out of the column last week and had to find a way to fit it in there this week… We've still got an all-points bulletin out trying to ascertain the whereabouts of Moon Runner Brian Boghosian, who has yet to make a single transaction this season, but still finds himself in a tie for 2nd (4th place by the points). He was last seen on a milk carton, er make that bowling in upstate New York where I believe he was quite successful in a big money tournament in Rochester! Congrats Brian, and check in when you get a chance, we miss you…

There was nothing wild about anything in this next game as Deuce McAllister sat out, leaving Rob one RB short in a 53 - 37 Down Boy win over Douche's Wild, the 3rd straight loss for Mr. Hanratty's squad. Newly acquired kicker (and former adult book store mop boy) Jeff Reed contributed 11 points in his debut but it wasn't enough to overcome the offensive onslaught of Jerome Bettis' 12 point return to action and the aforementioned Mike V-Jag's 17 points. Funny thing here is, Down Boy could've had even more points as the players they dropped prior to Week 12 (Hasselbeck, Jonathon Wells and Koren Robinson) combined for 20 points themselves. Can you say "Stacey Mack"? I knew that you could…

The Moops snap their three game losing streak with a narrow 43 - 41 win over The Rising. Can you say "replace Ike Hilliard with someone who scores a TD and win"? Somebody shake Bobby Malure, I think he's had a few too many O'Doul's! Or did he switch to Coors Cutter? Anway, moving on to the Caruso Brothers we see they may have finally found a 3rd running back as William Green found end zone this past week for the Brownies. So boys, how about we keep this guy (no pun intended) for a few weeks before we go chasing after the James Fendersons and the Mack Strongs of the league. Then again, perhaps Guy and Joe eschew (nice word, eh?) the RB's and go for a QB move this week, reuniting Moops kicker Jay Feely with new Eagles QB A.J. Feeley. Or as Morris Albert once sang, "Feelys, nothing more than Feeleys. Trying forget my feelings of love…"

The River Ave Rats come back to the winning side of the street with a 49 - 36 winner over Cut The Cord. Led by 18 points from Stephen Davis and a 14 point effort from Sebby Janikowski (hey no "V" in his name, what gives here?), the Rats pull to within 2 games of .500 and now have a chance to acquire Tommy Maddox for Steeler faithful Jimmy Murray should they wish to once again defer their "reacquire Jay Fiedler" move and opt for another QB. Then again, A.J. Feeley's still available isn't he? For the Manalapan Mauler (a.k.a. Kevin Kelly), who somehow managed to lose all of his games in every fantasy league he's been in I've got one thing to say, "Tuthill? You thought James freakin' Tuthill was going to give you a better chance to win than Adam Vinatieri? I think I'd rather have King Tut kicking for me than Tuthill! After all everything know The Valley of the Kings is a lot more amenable place for field goals than that sorry excuse for a stadium the Redskins play in" Geez, I feel better know, just had to get that off my chest…

The Last Touch Don "Koys" with Kang Kong, waiting until late Monday Night to sneak out a 38 - 32 winner over the Big Gorilla on a Koy Detmer TD plunge. So with his team guaranteed victory, and now obviously now done with Mr. Detmer, Don Fabio put a "hit" in one the Eagles QB, hoping to re-acquire Brian Griese next week and not have to pay the extra dollar for the move since Koy's now "out". It's all about the money isn't it? And I bet, you'd also burn down a horse stable if he stood to collect a lot of insurance wouldn't you? My oh my, pie oh my, what are we going to do with our power hungry little Italian friend? Not to worry as Fab's got to play The Rising this week where he'll be forced to answer to The Boss and The Big Man…

Week 13, make that Lucky Week 13 match-ups go like this: The Moon Runners (8 - 4) try to bounce back and stay in contention when they meet the "still feeling shame" Wet Toast Offense (5 - 7). Douche's Wild (5 - 6 - 1) tries to get back on the horse (that's "horse" Rob, not whore!) when they meet the surging River Ave Rats (5 - 7). Austin Powers in Golden Domer (8 - 4) is feeling real groovy about their chances against Kang Kong (5 - 7). The Last Touch Don (6 - 5 - 1) hopes to kick the Paulie Walnuts out of The Rising (5 - 7). Bubba's Brew Crew (9 - 2 - 1) takes on the red hot Late For The Draft (1 - 11). KGB III (8 - 4) tries to Cut The Cord (5 - 7) on Kevin Kelly's season and The Moops (6 - 5 - 1) look for two in a row when they play Down Boy! (6 - 6).

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! Don't forget the games on Thursday. It's the Detroit Lyings (I thought they said they were a good team?) hosting the New England Brady Bunch and the Washington Redskins, or as they like to call them in the Tuesday Morning Quarterback column, The Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons, come in to Big D to face the not-so-big "D" of the Dallas Cowboys defense. That's all for now, gotta go kick the stuffing out of, er make that into a turkey! And unlike Mr. Madden's from days of yore, mine only has two legs, although I hear that the turkey being served over at the Kelly household has a nice pair of Tuthills on it… 'til next week…