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'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the league
Not an owner was stirring, they were all quite fatigued
Free agent wish-lists were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that Jeff George would soon QB the Bears
The Commish turned off the PC, removed his Saints cap
And was settling down for a quick little nap
When up on the roof there was such a commotion
Sounds like bowling balls dropping, could it be Brian Boghosian?
He jumped from the bed and through open the doors
And right there in front of him stood a skinny Santa Claus
Who is this dude that looks like Santa? And why is he so thin?
Oh hey it's Mikey Malure! "So sorry, do come in!"
Mike said gather the league here, tell them Santa requests it
But I hear Route 10 is closed so tell them to MapQuest it
Skinny Santa's now here and I've got gifts, none are lame
For each and every owner in this Rowdy Friends game
So The Commish made some phone calls, sent out some Blackberrys
And each of the owners arrived in a hurry
Except Ian and Chris, well what do you know?
Once again like the draft, they've decided to no-show!
"We can't wait for the others", Binder Boy Santa screamed
"These gifts are the best, got to have them!" he said eyes a-gleam
When all the owners were present, the presents were bestowed
From the "Pimp My Ride" sleigh that this svelte Santa drove
First up Brian B, (who was not on the roof
For no one from Genco has feet ending in hoofs)
A reliable clergyman - Priest Holmes plays some more
And continued success on the PBA tour
Now the Brothers Caruso got Seinfeld DVDs
Not just one and two, but also Season Three!
So we ask you Guy C, is this Christmas or Festivus?
Either way will Chef Joe share his soup with the rest of us?
For Don Fabrizio, we've not got a lotti
Just a quick cameo on Growing Up Gotti
Something quite trendy to put on his bed
To place on his pillow, his own reindeer head
Rob's T and B (stands for Titties and Beer)
No real trouble finding fitting gifts here
A lap dance from Jenna, a quick tease from Kylie
And a bunch of long TDs thrown to Ashley Lelie
To the One and a Half other men, for crying out loud
Bobby gets to hang out with his buddy Mike Cloud
For prodigy coach Nick, a new AOL ID.
And for jolly Mike-Santa more Hatcher, Teri
What's in here for the Wardrobe, Team Flinn-Jim-Jim?
Whose team tends to dog it, worse than Rin-Tin-Tin
A couple of gifts that could become vital
Body By QB Jake tapes, and the South Jersey title!
Any gifts for the Dead Fish? Come on let's be frank
This team's bloated and floating on top of the tank
For Brian some tix to see a U of VA game
And for Brucie a hint book for this fantasy football game
The Milk has three owners so check out these gifts
First for Kevin Kelly some Gene Simmons shoe lifts
For Marky Machiedo, ND fan, three Weis men (get it?)
And for The Commish, the head of Saints coach Jim Haslett
What have we here for rookie Donnie Cardoza?
Yes he can do it! A Bob The Builder Bull Dozer!
And deep down in the sack there's a little bit more
A real He-Man costume with which to fight Skeletor!
Now this is the spot where we get to the No Shows
But Chris and Ian are not here (We all know how that goes)
By plane or by train why they could even bike it
But for missing the draft, they get nothing and like it!
Best One's owner is up, Russ Jones the bartender
Some rookie year gifts that he's sure to remember
A late round drafted kicker, and receivers all sleek
Plus a third running back who lasts more than a week
Charlie and Joe, which one's Frank, which one's Bean?
This team has run like a well-oiled machine
But not this year folks, they've been rusty (not Hilger)
For the lovers of tight ends here are Becht, Heap and Dilger
For Sucks 2 B Me, who needs one win to clinch
A chance to confront his own Inner Grinch
A Hannukah gift better than any other
A chance to diss The Commish with his own SI cover!
KGB III is last, but not least, and they've given us a gift
Last week's upset of Neil gave the whole league a lift!
Here's at least two playoff wins for the J-E-T-S
And a new software upgrade for Ken's G-P-S
When the gift giving was finished, Mikey-Santa did proclaim
"We're gonna kick Neil down the chimney each of these next two games!"
The he round up the reindeer, but they all looked the same
Those aren't reindeer, they're kickers! He called them by name:
On Kaeding, On Kasay, On Carney, On Christie
On J-Kow, V-Jag, Scobee, Vinatieri
To the end of the Red Zone, to the top of the Dome
Get those little legs moving, let's get this sleigh home!
And I heard him exclaim with nary a cuss
"We're winning this league! We're the best! Got to have us!"
HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM THE COMMISH
Now click here for a special extra edition of this week's News & Notes column - an eyewitness account of Week 15's Steelers/Giants game from the Full Monty Fantasy Baseball League's very own Jim "The Piano Man" Kalach
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