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This week is the final week of the 2002 All My Rowdy Friends Fantasy Football League and here are the match-ups as determined by the RCS (Rowdy Championship Series) computers! #1 Bubba's Brew Crew (11 - 4 - 1) versus #2 The Moon Runners (11 - 5). This game's for the league title. We're talking the whole enchilada, all the marbles, the bag of Tostitos, the entire Eskow, the big Boghosian even! Oh wait, that's whose playing isn't it? Neil Eskow and his Mortensen Division champion Bubba's Brew Crew is just one win away from becoming the first ever back-to-back Rowdy Friends champion and to do that he'll have to get past Brian Boghosian and James Mack and the Sharpe Division champion Moon Runners who are trying for their first ever Rowdy championship. Should BB and Mack win the pair will also become the first ever franchise to win a title despite not having made a single player transaction all season! There's a lot of early money going down on this game in Vegas and I can't reveal whom it's going on. The winner's the champion, the loser has the potential to fall all the way to 3rd place. Screw the Fiesta Bowl! Bring your nachos to this game instead… #3 The Moops (10 - 5 - 1) versus #4 Austin Powers in Golden Domer (10 - 6). This one's a rematch of last week's Berman division battle in which The Caruso Brothers doused the flame of Austin Powers title hopes in a wild, high scoring 61 - 45 affair! While there's no hope of a league title for the winner of this one, the Berman's still up for grabs and rest assured The Commish and Marky Mark Machiedo are feeling some "good vibrations" have their funky bunch ready to play! Interesting note in this game, if AP in GD scores 34 points or more and The Moops outscore Late For The Draft's opponent (the Wet Toast, more on them later) by 15 points then Austin Powers in Golden Domer will set a new Rowdy Friends single season record for most points scored AND most points scored against! Can you say Air Coryell? Adding additional tension to this game is the fact that Guy and Joe have hired increased security for their team this week after word got out that The Commish, who works in Newark, was spotted in nearby Irvington, New Jersey, reportedly "going Moltisanti" and ordering up a hit on Moops kicker Jay Feely (5 FG, 18 points last week) in retaliation for Joe's recent "venting" about how the league schedule doesn't give The Moops a clean shot at Neil, and thus the league title! Ah, the start of a new rivalry, as sweet as the smell of napalm in the morning… #5 KGB III (10 - 6) versus #6 The Last Touch Don (9 - 6 - 1). There will be no Priest in the house this week as KGB III plays out the string against the always Fab-ulous Last Touch Don. KGB's coming off an impressive victory over Bubba's Brew Crew last week which left the league title up for grabs, thank you for that Kenny. A win over the Don would give Ken and Pam another impressive season to add to their resume and increase Ken's chances of fulfilling his dream of being named "Coach of the 21st Century"… However, not willing to roll over and play dead despite losing out on the Sharpe Division title last week (and being thrown out of the poolhouse by Carmela to boot!), Fab and his team of rotating 2nd quarterbacks says "analyze that" to the komrades from the Kremlin and is letting Kenny know he's "got a little theater of his own" should KGB need a "private screening". Don't worry my friends, unlike other normal #5 versus #6 games, this one promises to be a real "gas"… #7 Douche's Wild (8 - 7 - 1) versus #8 Down Boy! (8 - 8). We're playing for a little more than pride here folks! First off, the loser of this game doesn't get the extra $3 and thus will have to dig a little deeper in these economically troubling times to pay the league bill when it comes due. Secondly, Rob's hoping the Douche's are indeed quite Wild because he's still got an outside shot at one of the two "high points" seasonal prizes. Not since way back in 1995, when Ken Bamrick's In Memory Of Jerry squad took the high points prize yet finished in 7th place, have we seen such scoring proliferation without much victory celebration. For Down Boy! a loss would mean the first sub .500 season for Charlie and Joe since 1998's Strangers In The (Monday) Night went 6 - 10 and would undoubtedly ignite the flames of an off season war for ownership supremacy as each tries to blame the other for the franchises recent woes… #9 Cut The Cord (7 - 9) versus #10 Kang Kong (7 - 9). The Mouth from Manalapan and the Big Korean Gorilla play out the string in this battle of 7 and 9 teams. For Kevin Kelly the cord on this season should've been cut a long time ago when injuries at midseason forced him to go with QB's like David "Baby You Can Drive My" Carr and Joey "Pots and Pans" Harrington! For Dave Kang whose already busy making at least two hockey transactions a week, the focus has also obviously already shifted to other sports as well. Now I can't tell you who's going to win this game, but I do know that the "keys" to winning this match-up are locked in The Commish's car with the motor running! There Kevin, are you happy? I got it in the column as you've requested! For those of you shaking your heads right now, your scatter brained commissioner locked his keys in his car at the train station on Monday and didn't realize it until he was half way to Newark. Thanks to Trish and her spare key for bailing me out of that situation and to Kevin for making me report it in this week's News & Notes… #11 The Rising (6 - 10) versus # 12 River Ave Rats (6 - 10). The Boss and The Big Man meet the River Ave ramblers as both teams try to avoid an embarrassing 11-loss season. For the duo formerly known as The Binder Boys, it's been quite a shockey-ing season hasn't it? For Mike and Bobby a word of advice for next season, while Shockey may arguably be the best tight end available ("He's the best!"), nobody's grabbing a tight end until Round Five at the earliest ("We've got to have him!")… For former champ Mike Flinn and Jim Murray, the season's been a simple case of the Fielder no longer being on the roof as The Rats lost their 2nd QB early on and were never quite the same after that. Hey, how about a tie in this game and an extra buck-fifty for everyone to ease all the pain, eh? #13 Wet Toast Offense (5 - 11) versus # 14 Late For The Draft (2 - 14). Ian and Chris try to avoid the losingest season in league history and also try for their 3rd win over the Wet Toast Offense this season. Which should they be successful, would account for all of their wins this season! Oh-for-everyone else, but an undefeated 3 and 0 against The Toast? For two time league champion Brian Legere, it's a no-win situation. Win and you're three dollars richer and might finish in 12th place, lose and you're the laughingstock of the league because you're the only team who can't beat the worst team. Can you say "Saints losing to the Bengals"? Sorry, more requested public humiliation for The Commish there too. My Seattle friends, set your watches now, the 2003 Draft will start at 1PM next season, or 10 AM on the West Coast. We fully expect to see you in the chat room on time and raring to take Shaun Alexander with your first round pick… Well there you have it! Everyone enjoy the final week of the season and good luck especially to Bubba's Brew Crew and The Moon Runners as they go for the league title! Now where did I put that long sharp pin? OK, could you do me a favor and hold Feely's leg out at just such an angle? OK, that's it, yep, right there, no wait, a little to the left… 'til next week…
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