|
|
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Only one creature was stirring, then Kevin bitch-slapped the mouse
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
Filled up with Rogaine, so The Commish could grow hair
Trish in her kerchief and I in my new Saints cap
Had just settled down for a quick little nap
When up on the roof there arose such a noise
Brought back memories of a couch and the Binder Boyz
I jumped from the bed and threw open the doors
And there right in front of me stood one Mrs. Claus
Now who is this female dressed up as Saint Nick?
Paris Hilton? Nicole Ritchie? No wait, it's Pam Bamrick
She said "gather the league, every team, every member
It's the gift giving season, after all, it's December!
Mrs. KGB has arrived, and I've got gifts for all
For every team owner who plays Rowdy Ball"
So Joe Horn made the phone calls and I sent out the e-mail
And the owners arrived one by one without fail.
All except Ian, he sent back his reply
Well of course he'd be Late For, since it's so hard to fly.
He'll be sending a proxy to our party instead
So please wait for Chris Jolley to appear in his stead
When all owners were present, the presents were given
From the back of the sleigh in which Pam had driven
The gift sacks were open and Mrs. Claus started pitchin'
Some presents to two guys hangin' out in the kitchen
For the Caruso Brothers, inside a really big parcel
Playoffs, a reserve list and a full season of Marshall
For Brian and Sarah, whose favorite team was dire
A new Raider season that doesn't feature Rick Mirer
And for stealing those Saints, from your brother, what gall
No Helmets, No Pads… just two big Jingle Balls!
Next up Glory Days and jolly owner young Nick
Note that's "jolly" not "Jolley" (as in Ian and Chris)
A rebuilt new binder for Bobby and Mike
A healthy QB and for Nick a new bike
And speaking of Jolley, what for Late for Luau?
Who have every Seahawk, including Josh Brown.
A trip to Hawaii, but not 'til late November
With the hope that they make next year's draft in September
Now for Kevin Kelly and all of his "bitches"
An injection, not Cortisone, to clear up those itches
No more S.I. covers, and a jinx of your own
To give The Commish next time he visits your home
We're waxing prophetic with words such as these
"Your mom sucks the grapes right off of d*** trees!"
Must be Rob Hanratty, what have we for him?
A soft early schedule and a male doll named Kim
"For hubby Ken Two and young Kenny Three
And I'll even through in a fresh gift for me!"
A good backup QB for the Jay-E-Tee-Ess
And a new coach for the Giants who can clean up this mess
Next is Bubba's Brew Crew, since the loss of Tucker
They've been real hard to beat, a real motherf***er
The last seven seconds of that Pitt game repeated
And with a win last week Neil you could have three-peated!
Fabrizio's next, our favorite Italian
Since Stallone played that boxer, the Italian Stallion
Here's the Scarface DVD and a new Broncos helmet,
pillows for the Fish and Cole Haan shoes, cemented.
We've got gifts for Dave Kang, our Korean simian
Whose all psyched up now that his Cowboys are winning
Here's a redeemable coupon sure to have a big payoff
To have Parcells coach Kang Kong once he's out of the playoffs
Still defending champ, but for only a week
Brian Boghosian's team this season has been pretty weak
Keep It Rolling Along needs some love and affection
So here's $10 to use for next season's transactions
Team Brain, Chuck and Joe, why they've wrapped up the title
Even though Chuck looks like that Clay guy from American Idol
For Joe Mastrangelo, potato chips off the floor
And for Chuck a new bowling ball and ten pins galore
Bipolar score disorder, what's up with this jive?
Three week scores that go 75-8-75?
For our two Polar Bear Boys, Mike Flinn and Jim Murray
Ten more weeks of Mike Vick, and some beach-bound snow flurries
And last but not least The Commish and Machiedo
A combo the likes we've not seen since Sonny and Fredo
Some more wins for Mark's favorite team Notre Dame
and a new kicker for the end of the Saints/Jaguars game
When the presents were finished, Pam said with a gleam
Can you believe after all this Ken still likes our team?
The she round up the reindeer, they all looked the same
"Those aren't reindeer, they're kickers!" She called them by name
"On Marler, On Mare, On Elling, On Kasay,
On Cundiff, On Wilkins, On Akers, On Christie
To the end of the field, into the Red Zone
Get those little legs moving, let's get the hell home!"
And I heard her exclaim without rhyme, without reason
"I'm dropping my husband, I want my own team next season!"
HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM THE COMMISH
|
|
