Well as a famous cartoon pig once stammered, "that's all folks!". As we close the book on our 13th Rowdy Friends season, let's begin by congratulating Charlie Baker and Joe Mastrangelo, whose Medulla Oblongata squad (a.k.a. Team Brain) takes the 2003 championship, the overall high points title and of course, the Mortensen Division. For Chuck and Joe it's their third Rowdy title to go along with their previous two, the first in 1993 with We Saw Elvis ("Thank you very much!") and the 2nd in 1999 with The Dead Kennedys. Of course the 1999 title was tainted in controversy as other owners claimed The Dead Kennedys had an extra QB stashed away on a grassy knoll. Immediate investigations by The Commish's Office turned up nothing illegal and the case was closed as far as The Commish was concerned. However, a short home movie, taken by Ken Bamrick on Draft Day, does contain a very shadowy image of what appears to be Bubby Brister hiding behind a tree… Anyway, no Oliver Stone film on this yet, so congrats to Chuck and Joe on their hard earned 2003 title!

Finishing in 2nd place, in both won/loss record and overall high points, despite ending the season with two disappointing position round losses, is Neil Eskow's Bubba's Brew Crew. The Brew Crew now has consecutive Rowdy finishes of 1st place (2001), 2nd place (2002) and 2nd place (2003). Not too shabby there Neil! Perhaps Tucker and Bubba do have a way of controlling things "upstairs", if you know what I mean… Taking the 3rd spot and the Berman Division, just a slightly longer Michael Vick TD pass shy of 2nd place overall, was The Bi-Polar Bears of Mike Flinn and Jim Murray. And Bi-Polar indeed as these guys routinely got the high points one week and single digits the next. Oh well, guess it all balanced out in the end, eh? Now let the guessing begin for Mike's team name next season. Always naming his team after some sort of gaffe or choke, I'm posting "Josh McCown's Prayer" as the early favorite…

Fourth place goes to Mr. Underhill's Credit Card, owned by yours truly, The Commish and his partner in crime Mark "Fredo" Machiedo. What can we say about this team other than has anyone actually calculated what their record would've been had The Commish not performed the sacrilege of cutting all his Saints in Week 9? Actually, I have, still the same 10 - 7 with a few extra points (and wouldn't John Carney like to have one of those!), but not enough to put The Card into 3rd… The fifth and final cashing spot goes to Kevin Kelly's Cortisone Injection. What a fade The Injection did after the appearance of the "skinny Kevin" on our league's inaugural Sports Illustrated cover! Kev, really sorry 'bout that dude! Feel free to slap a pox on both my houses anytime you choose. Oh, and those four guys above you in the standings have returned their "You Are My Bitch" buttons, feel free to pick them up at the Lost & Found in The Commish's Office next time you're in town…

We've actually got two more cashers to talk about before we move on to the losers, ahem, those that didn't cash. Late For Luau takes the Sharpe Division title, in a close race over our draft host, Rob Hanratty's Guys With Girl's Names. For Luau, they now become the answer to a league trivia question, namely, which team took the last ever Sharpe Division title? Starting next season, I'm gonna rename the Sharpe Division the Jackson Division, after Chris Berman's sidekick and raconteur (Dictionary alert! Look it up!), Tom Jackson. If anyone has any better suggestions for the new division name, please send them my way. And no, we can't name it the Rush Limbaugh Division, sorry… Also getting the last dollar from our prize fund, rather make that the Last Place Dollar, is Dave Kang, whose Kang Kong found the league's cellar apartment quite comfortable. With the dreadful season, Dave Kang also now moves ahead, actually behind, those lovable losers The Malure Brothers, for worst all-time winning percentage amongst active owners, with a .408 to The Binder Boyz .410 lifetime mark. And by the way, kudos to those very same Malure Brothers as Mike & Bobby add Bobby's son Nick to the squad and come away with their first 10 win season since the early 90's! Hey if the Bengals can do it, why can't the Binder Boyz?

As for everyone else, well like we said before, you're all losers! But please don't take that personally. Come back next season, field a better team and you too can make the first four paragraphs of the final league News & Notes. So now the awards have been handed out (oh by the way, Best Actress in a Christmas Role goes to Pam Bamrick for playing Santa Claus in my revived "Night Before Christmas" column this season), and now it's time to "pay the piper". No not Roddy Piper, it's just a figure of speech!

We've got two financial statements available right now. Click here to view the final league finances and see what each team won or lost. Then after you've done that, for those of you in multiple leagues and/or carrying a balance over from previous seasons click here to view the current overall individual account balances. (if you're reading this off-line, sorry for all the HTML codes!) For those franchises with multiple owners, in some cases I've listed the amount owed under only one of you. All the details are there to help you figure out the correct split on your own, since I'm not sure who has what arrangements with their partners. Chuck & Joe, I know you guys are 50/50 so you're listed separately.

Now the fun part! First, the folks I owe money to. If you want to let your balance ride, simply drop me a line and let me know. If you'd like a check sent to you, give me some time to collect the money and then as they say "the check's in the mail"... Which of course brings me to those of you who owe the league money. As soon as financially possible (make sure all the Christmas presents have been taken off of lay-away, the kids are eating and the heating bill is paid), please send me a check so I can begin "redistributing the wealth". I'd like to have all the money in by the time the Super Bowl's over if possible, well at least The Pro Bowl. For those of you who don't already have it, my address is (hint, hint, here's where you send the check!):

John Legere, 4 Birch Run Ave, Denville, NJ 07834

…and those links again in case you missed them above …