And how about this Jason Vorhees guy? You know I really like the simple "Jacques Plante throwback" style to Jason's mask, and all the scouting reports have nothing but praise for the speed of his knife hand! I hear he's been working with those French brothers up in Quebec. You know, the two world renowned goalie coaches, the Allaire brothers, Francois and Benoit? Wasn't one of them in Friday The 13th, Part XVII, Jason Takes The Crease? Anway, I think they're trying to convince him it'd be easier to hook up with an NHL team if he changed his name to Jean-Andre Vorhees…

Looking at some recent NHL news, I see that the San Jose Sharks have avoided putting themselves in a real "pickle", opting to keep 19-year old defenseman Marc-Edouard Vlasic up with the big team. Hey JR, care to guess what his favorite "classic" mixed drink is? (Sorry, inside joke there between me and The Lone Phantom)

Looking at our league standings for the first time in this space I see Crease is definitely the word as John "Rock And" Wrobel has his team sitting pretty in first place. Fifteen apparently gets you 2nd place as The Commish and Kevin are competitive for the first time in like how many seasons? Foil Up Walt has steered his team into 3rd place in the early going and instead of passing out just three stars, let's make it four, as Mikey B (the B stands for Bineau, which is French for "the guy sitting at the end of the table on Draft Day") has his Boston Hoegaarden squad in 4th place after three weeks.

Other teams running in the money right now are Ron and J.R.'s The Lone Phantom. Yes that's two owners but only one lone phantom, I don't think these guys know the new math, eh? Johnny La's been eating his spinach as his bulked up Hock E. Coli team is hanging out in 6th and Brian Boghosian's got a whale of a team as Jonah Pass The Puck is holding down the last money spot.

October 23rd, 2006

Hey there, long time no talk. Just back from Sunny Florida, home of the Panthers, Lightning and this small rodent guy over there in Disneyland with big ears who's about as tall as Brian Gionta...

Wanted to get some type here on the Flyers front office shakeup. So GM Bobby Clarke has stepped down now that the Broad Street Bullies have more or less become the 5th Avenue Sissies, starting the season with a not so "very nice" 1-6-1 record. I'm also reading here that John Stevens takes over as new head coach, replacing Ken Hitchcock. Wait! John Stevens? As in the red-headed dude from American Idol who sang all those Sinatra tunes and all? Can't be the same guy can it? Because if it is, I'm afraid we're looking at Clay Aiken on the power play and Ruben Studdard in goal now, aren't we? Well maybe having a guy that big in net might not be such a bad thing after all. Word to Robert Esche, "eat lots of donuts!"

I guess it's always the coach and/or GM who get the axe when things go sour, even though it's really the players fault isn't it? I was listening to some NHL talk on XM Radio the other day on the way to work (Channel 204 if you've got XM) and one of the guys basically called the Flyers defense, "3 pairings of orange pylons". As in pee-wee hockey pylons; "hey kids, skate around the orange cone twice before shooting on net". Or translated, picture Claude Julien telling Scottie Gomez, "make sure you skate two circles around Derian Hatcher and complete the figure-8 by reversing around Baumgartner before going glove side on Niitymakki"...

But not to worry about Mr. Hitchcock. His hockey coaching days are over for now, but he's still got that WWE Wrestling thing to fall back on. Yes I hear Ken's going to be returning to manage The Undertaker and Kane again and how exciting is that! Hey, wait a minute... Wouldn't that be an awesome defensive pairing? And somebody tell Studdard he's fired, we've got Rikishi in goal now!

Come on, tell me you weren't wondering what happened to Paul Bearer? (a.k.a Percy Pringle for you WWF and WWWF fans that go way-way back)...

October 11th, 2006

You know when you're searching the free agent list and you think you found someone you like but you're not quite sure so you say to yourself that maybe you'll take a flyer on this guy? Well in fantasy hockey you have to be careful because if you're going to take flyer on someone, and that player is not from Philadelphia then you really aren't taking a Flyer are you? Or maybe you're trying to get some quick stats from a skater who's had the hot hand lately? Well in that case you're trying to catch Lightning in a bottle, right? Not if that guy isn't coming off the Tampa Bay bench...

This very same caution holds true whether you're "searching for Stars", looking for someone who's "going Wild", just "getting the Blues" (perhaps over the lack of talented St. Louis players available) or even if you're just "looking up an old Flame" (like perhaps Tony Amonte?). Sometimes you have a look at the list and decide you're better off keeping what you've got already. Like for instance, you see a nice highlight of Gilbert Brule and Alexander Svitov on ESPN News and decide to look them up. But after looking at their numbers you see that the highlight in question is perhaps the only highlight these guys will be getting all season. In that case there are "no (Blue) Jackets required". Unless Sergei Federov comes back from injury a lot quicker than everyone thinks.

Sometimes you just want to add a free agent to your team to block another team that's higher than you in the standings from getting that player. Well if you grab Henrik Tallinder or Jochen Hecht before your opponents can, then you'd be "rattling some Sabres". Conversely, if you add Alexander Frolov to your squad, only to have him tear his ACL the following week, then need to replace him again, you'd really be "paying a Kings ransom" for your moves.

Finally, I think it goes without saying that no matter how hard you search for the ultimate free agent pickup and whatever strategy you employ, you usually just wind up having "a Devil of a time". And look! Both Jay Pandolfo and John Madden are available. So act now, before an Avalanche of transactions comes in. For guys like Andrew Burnette, Pierre Turgeon and Steve Konolwalchuk of course...

October 9th, 2006

Let's start things off with a few quick hits and then move into this brave new world by ending this entry with a video clip shall we?

First off, thank you all for a stress free Draft Day. No traffic coming to and from Connecticut, everyone made the draft on time, the chat room experiment worked and I was home in time for the first pitch of the Mets game! And even had the pleasure of listening to the Yankee "game" on the road on the way home. Let's go Mets! But enough baseball, on to hockey.

OK, so I see a few new names on the owner lists and someone's missing, what's up Commish? Well first off let me say that Korea tests a nuclear weapon and we can't find Dave Kang anymore? Coincidence? Probably, but hey it makes for good copy doesn't it? Anyway, all my e-mails to Dave at his work address got bounced back to me as undeliverable and since I no longer work in the building right next door, I've lost touch with Mr. Kang and I don't believe he was aware of when the draft was and made no attempt to contact me to find out so this season we'll never really know if Koreans Still Know Hockey or not. Dave, if you're out there reading this somewhere, drop me a line, let me know how you're doing. You know where to find me. Hopefully you're not ill, and I'm not talking about the Kim Jong kind of "ill" either.

So I kept the light on for Dave, hoping he'd just show up at Oddfellows on a whim but it was not to be. In his place we found an 11th hour replacment and now have some young blood (hockey movie pun!) in Tyler Burnham. Yes that's "Burnham" as is "Phantoms owner JR" and Tyler is his teenage son. It's a family affair in the Slap Shot Fantasy Hockey League this season as the Phantoms JV squad (a.k.a. Win Lose or Tyler) gets the first pick and challenges dad for local bragging rights. And if the season goes sour for some reason, Tyler can just post his diary "I Was A Teenage Fantasy Hockey Addict" on his MySpace page.

Now this new guy Marc Rabin, where do I know him from? Well, most of you know Marc from way back in the day. Back in the day we all worked in NYC and used to have this draft somewhere around Madison Square Garden instead of Oddfellows. Marc's back in the league after a long absence (during which his whereabouts were unknown and might make for a good entry later on in the season) and is teaming up once again with Neil Eskow. Their team is Hell Froze Over (which must mean it's in Alberta somewhere), and it looks good this season, not a goon to be found on the squad. Must be Marc's steadying influence taking hold already. Now if he only hadn't tried to draft Johnny Buczyk, Glenn Hall and Walt Tkachuk I'd feel more confident that the layoff wasn't too long for him to get back into this thing.

Next up, a submission from John Wrobel, owner of Crease Is The Word. Looks like John has a little trouble with some of the players he drafts and their "driving afflictions". Why it's Greased Lightning...

"...the NHL has always prided itself on its squeaky-clean image, especially when compared tto other major sports, but a couple of teams were embarrassed this fall when two young stars were charged after alcohol-related driving incidents. Mark Bell, newly acquired by San Jose and expected to be a big part of a Cup-contending Sharks team, faces a number of charges after he allegedly drove away from an accident scene in San Jose. Before training camp, Canadian Olympian Jay Bouwmeester was charged with impaired driving after a night out in Edmonton's infamous Whyte Avenue bar district. So much for marketing the game's young stars..."

And keep in mind that John drafted Dany "Flip The Ferrari" Heatley last season too! Er John, perhaps you want to discuss finding a way to get Charlie "Crash" Baker to leave Joe and join you as co-owner? Tell you what we're gonna do here. Just to make things complete here, we're going to make Pelle Lindbergh an honorary goalie on the Crease Is The Word roster.

So all of you folks with Blackberrys I've got a question for you. Has the Penguins logo shown up anywhere in the middle of your e-mails yet? In case you didn't know, the CEO of Blackberry has purchased the Pittsburgh hockey team so "beware the penguin"! (Doobie, doobie, doo). The spreadsheet attachment is coming from inside the house! Aaaarrhhhh!

What better way to start the Slap Shot Fantasy Hockey League season (and finish this first entry) then with some Hanson Brothers action? So if you've got 3 minutes to spare, just click on the play arrow in the middle of the video screen below and foil up!

DISCLAIMER:Not recommended if you're living in cubicle-land at the office. If you get caught watching this on work time you may be forced to sit in the boss' office and "feel shame". If you need to play with the sound just click on the speaker looking thingie in the lower right and use your mouse to adjust the volume up or down.

Good luck to everyone in the 2006-07 season!