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Hello everyone, Happy Halloween! Hat trick or treat? Hey, I've got a good idea for a new horror movie. It's another installment in the Friday the 13th series. This one's titled "Friday The 13th, Part 11, Jason On Ice". The plot's rather simple, you see Jason wakes up from a deep freeze (he was cryogenically frozen by Ted Williams' son at the end of the last movie, just work with me on this one, OK?) and has a desire to be a goalie in the NHL (after all he's already got the mask, doesn't he? Again, work with me here…). Now as fate (or Hollywood) would have it, this cryo lab is located in St. Louis so Jason starts killing off the Blues' goalies one by one, ch-ch-ch… As life often imitates art (well my art at least) the St. Louis Blues goaltending jinx continues this week as 4th string net minder Curtis Sanford (and Son) followed in the footsteps of those before him and also suffered an injury causing St. Louis to go five-deep on the depth chart and call on Cory Rudkowsy (no relation to Cory Haim or Cory Feldman near as I can tell) for a period between the pipes. Now for those of you keeping score at home it's been Johnson, Brathwaite, Divis, Sanford, Rudkowsky thus far. Oh where have you gone Mike Liut? But it won't be long now before they're no longer singing the "St. Louis Goaltender Blues". Freddy Brathwaite's back and the team has just signed free agent veteran Tom Barrasso, who immediately enters the depth charts at #2 with a bullet! As for Mr. Divis, Sanford and Rudkowsy (and ain't that a hell of a law firm), it's welcome back to the AHL, your 15 minutes are up, we now return you to your regularly scheduled existence as journeymen minor league goaltenders. I hear Manitoba's quite nice this time of year. And for the record, I don't care how the script for my new movie ends, but Jason Vorhees is NOT going to be defending the crease for the Mantioba Moose… Attention passengers, the Tampa Bay Lightning bandwagon departs on platform 9 ¾ in fifteen minutes (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets opens November 15th!)… So exactly what is going on in Tampa? Not only are the Lightning leading the Southeast Division (which is really no big deal, the team from Mystery, Alaska could win the Southeast and they couldn't even beat the Rangers!), but they're also very popular amongst the free agent pickup crowd. I mean, the past two weeks we've seen the following Lightning players added to our league rosters: LeCavalier, Boyle, Kubina, St. Louis (Martin, not the Blues), Prospal. Two defensemen and Vinnie Prospal! Remember that opening into another dimension we discussed last week? You know, the one that players from an alternate bizarro dimension where Tampa Bay is good and Detroit is bad were coming out of? Well, perhaps it's time to call in Buffy The Vampire Slayer to take care of this little anomaly… Now let's talk about the NY/NJ area hockey teams, shall we? First off, let me state that I've made a resolution to lay off my usual Ranger bashing this season. Although I did sneak a small one in there parenthetically in the last paragraph didn't I? I mean, let's face it, the team really sucks, the payroll's too high and their star off season free agent acquisition is hurt. Hey wait a minute, are we talking about the Rangers or the Knicks here? Definitely not a good season to be on the executive board of Madison Square Garden is it? Perhaps they should be thinking about selling Zoloft at the concession stands this season… Looks like the Islanders are back to their old tricks as well. Some shaky goaltending by Chris Osgood (better yet make that Chris IsBad), has led to a last place standing thus far in the Atlantic. But not to worry says Islander faithful Fabrizio Sparacino. He's going to invite all the boys over to The Bada Byng for a little "gentlemanly play" if you know what I mean. Better be careful, we know the Isles penalty killing isn't too great so let's hope there's not too much lap dancing in the Neutral Zone. Gee, talk about your clutching and grabbing… Let's move on over to the Jersey side and talk about my beloved Devils. Who at 6 - 2 - 0 - 0 seem to have everything in order thus far. Except for one small detail. They can't beat the Carolina Hurricanes! OK boys, I'm happy with the start but let's get the rally monkey off our backs! Starting with last season's playoffs and continuing into the first two meetings of the regular season you've let Carolina rock you like a hurricane! Need I remind you, THESE ARE THE HARTFORD WHALERS!!! Don't get fooled by the all red uniforms, and stop staring right at the Carolina logo, I think it's got some kind of hypnotic effect. "Must kill the queen…" And one more thing to report from East Rutherford (soon to be Newark, right across the street from my office building!). It looks like backup goalie Corey "Cotton" Schwab is just a little fed up with his playing time (still hasn't appeared in net) and has decided to pursue a new career in which he'll be able to participate in his job a little more actively. We wish Corey good luck when he goes on his interview tomorrow to become the new Maytag repairman… Moving on to other miscellaneous matters, we'd like to welcome The Koreans back into first place after a one-week absence. I'd also like to point out a "very nice" move by Dave Kang in which he dropped the under performing Sandy McCarthy and added Anaheim's raving lunatic Kevin "Tom" Sawyer to his roster. Goon up! Which brings us to everyone's favorite Goon-monger Neil Eskow, who somehow finds himself amongst the league leaders in goals and assists! And he's dropping goons (Laraque) and picking up scorers (Gelinas)! What's going on here? Any chance Neil was in Moscow scouting out new skaters during that hostage crisis and he took in a little too much of that lethal gas? Wow, the Lightning are in first place and Neil's scoring goals? What's next, are the Anaheim Angels going to win a World Series? Oh never mind… Hey Rob, that's Five Minutes for Foiling, right? And finally, an idea for a new Seinfeld episode in which a certain Phoenix defensemen moves in with Kramer and Jerry barges in on a poker game in progress. Can you see it? "Hello, Newman! Hello Numminen!" Then Elaine starts dating Teppo and there's lots of jokes about penalties for "holding the stick" and "boarding". Finally, everyone decides to paint their chests and go to another Devils game. Which the Devils then lose to the Carolina Hurricanes… That's all I've got. Thank you, good night and please remember this (a kiss is just a kiss, oh no wait, wrong line…) Friends don't let friends drive the Zamboni! 'til next week…
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