So did I get that right back there? The new head coach of the Florida Panthers is Rick Dudley? He's not that white Ivy League basketball player that shot bricks for the Knicks once is he? No, that would be Chris Dudley. And he's not the old drunk guy from that Bo Derek movie is he? No, that would be Dudley Moore. OK, so then he's that cartoon Canadian Mountie that Brendan Fraser played in the movie a few years back, no? You're right, my mistake, that would be Dudley Do-Right. Whom I often get confused with Klondike Kat by the way. Remember him? Also a cartoon, also a Canadien law enforcement type, only he's the one who's always chasing around that French mouse? You remember! How can you forget? "Savoir Faire is everywhere!"…

Yeah I know, I'll be checking myself into the clinic later tonight after I've finished this column. As if last week, going from Pat Lafontaine to Keanu Reeves wasn't bad enough to worry about whether or not your commissioner has gone off the deep end. Now this week, I'm going from Rick Dudley to a cartoon French mouse by way of Arthur! Guess this is what happens when you get caught between the moon and New York City. I know it's crazy, but it's true… Yes, you were supposed to sing that stuff in italics, please don't make me explain all my subtle jokes…

OK, coming back to reality somewhat, I was next thinking about how Johnny La was telling me he used to enjoy when I wove a little politics into this column back in the day. So I figured, why not? I can do that again. So I started writing this little riff about how each of the Democratic presidential hopefuls cold be on the same hockey team, and what positions they might play and all. Then I realized that it could never work. You know why? They would all want to play Left Wing! All of them except Wesley Clark. He's a true defense (department) man. There you go J-La, consider the political commentary back in the column!

So I see that Bryan Berard has signed on with the Chicago Blackhawks. Should be a good fit for Berard. We here at Taking A Zhitnik even went a step further than that endorsement and decided to make him a free agent pickup, dropping Jaroslav "Sissy" Spacek from the roster to make room for Bryan. Not like Spacek was anything special mind you, just a coal miner's defensemen… Seriously though, I say everyone better keep an eye out for Berard this season. Because frankly speaking, he could use an extra one. Eye that is…

Last but most certainly not least, lest I get the shirt pulled over my head and pummeled incessantly, I'd like to take this time to recognize the fine pugilistic prowess of Buffalo Sabres co-enforcers, Andrew "The Pounder" Peters and Eric "Beat Em Up" Boulton. You see Boulton started the season on IR and Peters seized the enforcer role, getting into seven fights before Boulton returned to action. Well now that Boulton's back, the two are rotating games, one night Peters is the enforcer, the next game it's Boulton's turn, like that. And it seems to be working out as each of them gets in a fight, then has a game to rest up and heal while the other guy gets in a fight so as not to lose ground in the battle for playing time. But why worry about playing time? Who needs just one enforcer? I say play them both just like you're doing now! I think it's an idea taken from the pages of Major League Baseball whose time has come. Yes folks, I'm talking about the Goon Platoon. Now I just wonder if one of them punches righty and the other one's a southpaw…

And now, faster than Eddie Olcyzk can return Marc-Andre Fleury to his junior team and even faster than you can sing a verse of the Styx classic "Tootoo Much Time On My Hands" (…"Well I'm sittin' in the Sin Bin, helping my team win, against the St. Louis Blues"…), I'm outta here! See you all in seven days or so. 'til next week…