Just a short one to tune up the old vocal cords… Catching up on some old business, a few of you mailed me last week to tell me that I'd left out a few famous Dudleys in my discussion of new Florida Panthers coach Rick Dudley. Aside from Chris Dudley, Dudley Moore and Dudley Do-Right, I left off that famous pass dropping tight end Rickey Dudley, that annoying kid Dudley from "Different Strokes" and of course, the WWE's best tag team ever, The Dudley Boys, D-Von and Bubba Ray Dudley! "Bubba Ray, get the tables!"…

Speaking of tables, instead of "getting the tables", how's about "setting the tables" as Thanksgiving is upon us, next Thursday in fact. So let's celebrate the holiday a little early with this week's Top 10 List, from the home office in Denville…

Top 10 Ways To Tell It's Thanksgiving In The NHL

Oh the beloved kid's table at the family Thanksgiving dinner. You know it doesn't matter how old you are. I'm 33 and I still have to sit at the "kiddie table". And it's always one of those 45-year old fold out card tables with the wobbly leg draped by some just as ancient table cloth, isn't it? While the head table is this massive oak thing that your great-great-great grandfather's grandfather carved out by hand! You see the problem is that the main "adult" table can only fit so many chairs around it. So the only way to go from the kiddie table to the adult table is to have some old relative with a seat at the main table die so that you can "move up" and fill their seat in some strange "royal secession like" holiday ritual. It's kind of like moving up from the checking line to the third line, no? Now don't go giving your grandparents the evil eye (or plot to go all Kryzsztof Oliwa on them) during dinner or anything, just wait your turn patiently and hope that your family doesn't have any of that longevity DNA stuff floating in their gene pool. Because if they do, you may wind up sharing that beat up card table with your own kids some day (or perhaps you already do?). And that's enough to make anybody "slip a little something" into Grandpa's cranberry sauce…

OK, sorry for the digression, and some plagiarism from last year's column, but hey, the rookies have never seen it before. And I wonder one thing after reading that. Does Marc-Andre Fleury sit with Mario's kids at Thanksgiving? Enough holiday talk, let's get back to hockey, well sort of… So who was it that died this past week, Art Carney or Keith Carney? Art was the guy who played Ed Norton in the Honeymooners and Keith is the guy who plays defense for the Mighty Ducks right? Kind of the difference between "Hello Ralphie Boy!" and "Hello Sergei Boy", no? And as a tribute to the great Honeymooner, one more time as Jackie Gleason sticks his head out the apartment window and shouts up the fire escape...

Some loose pieces I'm got floating around on yellow stick-ems in my notebook. First off, there's a great article in the latest ESPN-The Magazine about former goon extraordinaire Link Gaetz. Those of you who make a living gooning it up in this league, believe me when I tell you, Link Gaetz was a "very nice" player to have! I'd provide a link to the article, but I can't seem to find it on-line anywhere. If you ask nicely, perhaps my brother's done with his mag and he'll loan you his copy so you can catch up with Mr. Gaetz… Sent in to me a few weeks back by Icing Happens owner Johnny Wrobel (or J-Wrob as they know him in the 'hood), an article stating that "Oddly enough, Alexei Zhitnik has seen marked improvement in his game this season due to using a new brand of stick, The Buffalo News reports." J-Wrob goes on to say that if the stick's that good he should market it and rename it the ZhitStick!! I'm gonna leave this one alone for now, but I'm sure at least three of you are gonna reply to this one before next week's column arrives!

And finally, let me introduce to you what may become a semi-regular feature here at COMMISH.COM, a lovely op-ed piece from our own Johnny Laputka, owner of Lemaire's Weasel Trap System, who manages to cover a wide variety of topics as he streams his consciousness in a feature I'm tentatively titling "La Rants!" Just a word of caution here before you dive in to read this. The topics bounce around more than a bra-less Dolly Parton and punctuation is optional at best! Read on and enjoy this glimpse into the mind of J-La. To boldly go where no man has gone before…

J-LA: Well a crazy week in the N.H.L. locals. Not a good one for the N.Y. Strangers who are trying to play this silly thing called mouse trap hockey and are looking very foolish doing it. Roll the dice, move your mice, right into the Neutral Zone! While their cross town rivals at The Swamp they feel right at home as Marty B had another great game and faced all but 13 shots on goal. I wonder with the # 13 if that was not Jason as in Friday The 13th Jason in the nets? Either way, with Vorhees or Brodeur in net, last 62 games for the Devils, 40 wins 14 losses 8 ties 6 shutouts not bad. As for the N.Y. Icelanders, well they were mugged down in Nashville by Tootoo of the Nashville Predators who leaped into the air to smash Martinek of the N.Y. Icelanders (no not Tino Martinek) and should have got a 5 minute major and a game misconduct but the ref saw the name TUTU (as in Desmond) on the back of the sweater and gave him the Nobel Peace Prize instead. This did not sit well with Icelanders fans but hey, it's politics. Didn't Arafat win the Nobel also and he is a big trouble to the world and Jimmy "Peanut Man" Carter got the nod after he had our troops suffer for 444 days in Iran, didn't he? So let's pop in the CD from the band A Flock Of Seagulls and sing I RAN. Which is what the refs did and Iet's pop on a CD from the band Toto and play the song Africa for Mr. Tootoo/Tutu. This will make all Icelanders feel better! And what is this crazy thing going on I have been watching NHL Hockey for 41 years and never as much as this year but up 'til now the home team has always been in white. Now if I go to The Garden or The Swamp or even heaven's forbid, The Masoleum, I see Blue with the Statue of Liberty that is starting to stink, must be a France thing! Or I see orange that is so bright that you need 3D lenses to see the game and red that it looks like there is blood all over the ice! Well folks, I am closing shop up I have a hockey game to do at 9:40p.m. tonight in Staten Island…

And why did I just read that whole thing back and have this vision of Gilbert Gottfried in my mind saying all that? Anyway, as you can see, audience participation is welcome and encouraged! Anyone else has anything to say, by all means, send it on over and we'll be sure to get it into a future column. Before I go a reminder that Edmonton and Montreal are playing a game outdoors on Saturday. That should be quite exciting, I hope they carry it on the dish. If so, I'm gonna check it out and I'll report back next column. 'til next week…