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Hello everyone and welcome to the post-Thanksgiving edition of the News & Notes. Sorry for the delay, these holidays do have a tendency to get in the way of things, don't they? Let me just tell you, I'm stuffed! I ate so much turkey, ham, stuffing and all that I think I'm almost as big now as Jean-Sebastian Giguere wearing his overstuffed goalie pads! Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and you've finally gotten everyone up off the couch from the mandatory post-meal nap and out of the house. And I don't know about you but we had like 15 people over for the meal, which I think is actually slightly higher than the average home attendance of the New Jersey Devils! Along those same lines, let's jump right into another edition of "La Rants", the pseudo-weekly "state of the game" commentary from the Trap Hater himself, our own Johnny Laputka, who in this week's diatribe laments on the attendance woes that have recently befallen some NHL franchises. Take it away La…
"Well week #7 of the N.H.L. has arrived and to all teams and owners and their families a Happy Thanksgiving! Well the N.Y. Rangers are at it again, having a 2-0 lead against the toothless San Jose Sharks only to hang on for a 2-2 tie. Glenn Sather's coif is getting grayer by the minute. Just so long as he doesn't loose too much of that graying hair, for then he'll start to resemble someone from Minnesota with the bald head; who shall remain nameless but how do you say "trap" in French? Speak of the devil (New Jersey that is) from the past and current I was reading briefs on the N.H.L. and they do not say good things about fan support in several cities. New Jersey, a place that has won 2 1/2 cups (COMMISH'S NOTE: Johnny's counting the strike season as half a Cup for the Devils, which I must say is at least one-half more than the Rangers have won since! For you Garden fans, is the Cup half-empty or half-full right now?) the last 8 years is high on the list of poorly supported franchises. Perhaps they need Bruce Springsteen to take "41 Shots" to clear things up in NJ? In Minnesota, a team is hurting in fan support this year and the team is only in its 3rd year and has did rather well in those three I might add. The only thing missing last year was a trip to the Cup Finals as the Mighty Schmucks shutting them out 4 straight games. As the saying goes, "jock too tight?" Hey Lemaire loosen up that trap which gave the NHL another black eye the other night. We had another one of those 0 - 0 games, or as they call them on the other side of The Pond (England, not Anaheim by the way) nil-nil, between Tampa Bay and Carolina. This kind of scoring (or lack thereof) does not fit their team names; The Lightning and The Hurricanes. Other hurting franchises include the two Florida cities. You know it's sad to say when you get more fans at the West Minister Dog Show than at several NHL games. Now did I see real hockey like they played in Edmonton last week outdoors? A 2-0 win for the Edmonton Seniors and a Montreal 4-3 win over the Edmonton team. Hey Gary Bettman, are you watching? 57,000 people at the game! Like the Ice Bowl, Dallas vs Green Bay in 1967 game at (put on your best John Facenda voice here) The Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field, with Bart Starr and company. Well Edmonton was just like that, -10 degrees! All you needed was Stan The Fisherman there to broadcast the game, only to see him freeze up like in one of Stallone's movies. Help me on this Commish, I don't remember the name of the flick. (COMMISH' S NOTE #2: That would be "Demolition Man" my friend, be sure to use IMDB.COM for all your column research from now on…) Now I have an idea for the NJ Swampers to get more fans. Do what Edmonton did and have the Devils play all of their games on the Swamp Mash. It should freeze up by December, which is a couple of days away, then maybe there will be more real hockey and as the Beatles would say, no pre-"madonnas" on the ice in 68 degrees (please store all left wingers at room temperature). Well I am getting frozen myself here talking about all this, it's time to go, take care everybody. La out!"
And if I may insert a final "commish's note" into J-La's commentary, exactly what is the freezing point of swamp gas? If the Devils did in fact take La's suggestion, and play their games "swampside" in the Meadowlands, I wonder if Marty B would freeze his blocker off and have to go running home to his sister-in-law for a little warmth, if you know what I mean? And about that 0 - 0 tie in Carolina the other night, I actually watched that game on the Dish and after regulation I was just waiting for the penalty kicks to start! Bend it like Beckham baby! Now a few comments of my own on that Edmonton outdoors game. Very nice concept! And kudos to the 50,000+ fans that sat outside in below zero weather for 6 hours, no way I could've done that. I can't even make it through 3 quarters of a Patriots game at Foxboro in November… And I especially enjoyed the Old Timers game and seeing Hall of Famer Grant Fuhr and his lifetime 3.38 GAA in net! Pat Lafontaine and Keanu Reeves weren't there were they? Speaking of goalies, did you check out Jose Theodore in the nightcap? Not only did he have his usual goalie mask on, but since it was so cold out, he topped it off with a ski cap (or "tuque" as they say in The Great White North). Looked like he was auditioning for Friday The 13th Part 11 - Jason Takes Quebec, eh? In other NHL news, we had a rare event (a "first" as a matter of fact) as Florida Panthers skater Mathieu Biron scored a goal on his brother, Sabres net minder Martin Biron. Brother scoring on brother, keeping it in the family so to speak. My first reaction to hearing that news, was a flashback to the movie "Strange Brew", when Bob McKenzie scored on his brother Doug in the "storm trooper brewery" game. "No goal, eh? He was in the crease!"… I see Eric Lindros has returned to action for the Strangers. And "strangers" it is indeed, as Sather's got Eric skating 4th line with the likes of Dan LaCouture and Jed Ortmeyer. Who the f*** are these guys skating on the 4th line? Jed Ortmeyer? Oh have I got a song parody on the way for him!
So why exactly are guys named Ortmeyer playing in the world's most famously overpriced arena? What's the matter? Not enough $7 million washed up veterans available? Although the way I see it, after Messier skated with his old Oiler teammates in the Old Timers game, it can't be long 'til the Rangers sign Kenny Linesman and Marty McSorley, can it? And one that note, I'm outta here to go digest some of this food! Big moves by the He-Man Devil Haters and Taking A Zhitnik this past week, while Icing continue to Happen at the top of the league. The rest of the standings are as tight as Ron Hextall's 5-hole so there's plenty of room to move up and down in the coming weeks. 'til next week… 
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