Hello everyone and happy holidays to all! Of course we have to start this week's column off with the account of the fighting Santas at last week's Islander game. For those of you who may have been too busy Christmas shopping here's what happened. The Islanders invited all fans to come to the Isles/Flyers game dressed in full Santa regalia, and those who did, were given free attendance. On top of that, between periods, all the Santas were invited down to the ice for a sort of "parading of the colors" if you will. Well, before you can say "someone call an ambulance, Yashin's arm is about to fall off" some 1,000 or so Santas are now milling about on the Coliseum ice between the 1st and 2nd periods. Then amidst all this clutter two of these St. Nicks decide to rip off their red suits revealing, get this, Ranger jerseys underneath!

Guess we can call these guys St. Nick Fotius, eh? Anyway, these true Islander fans disguised as Santas decide that these Ranger fans aren't going to get away with this blasphemy so what do you know? An all out brawl ensues! And let me tell you. From the looks of things, it wasn't pretty! Some "very nice" Christmas goonage if I do say so myself. Beards flying everywhere, red fur being ripped out, shiny black boots depositing themselves in people's jingle balls, you get the picture. Think "Road House" meets "Miracle on 34th Street". So about 10 minutes later, after calling in the Reindeer police, they've got order restored and now they start dishing out the penalties…

Let's see, if each Santa gets five for fighting plus a 10-minute misconduct, that would come out to 15-minutes per guy in a red suit. Now let's throw a match game misconduct on top of that since they caused such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash... So that's the original 15 plus the additional 20 for the match penalty and we're talking 35 minutes per Santa. Multiply that by the 1,000 guys on the ice and we're talking a cumulative 35,000 minutes (over 555 hours) in the Sin Bin for Saint Nick! So unless somebody scores a quick goal on the ensuing power play, we can't expect to see Santa back on the ice until February at the earliest. Gee, I hope he has time to make all those Christmas toy returns when he gets out…

And since we're currently in the post-Christmas, pre-New Year's demilitarized zone on the calendar, let's close this column out with a couple of holiday themed Top 10's.

Top 10 Ways To Tell It's Christmas Time In The NHL

10. All opponents goals now come gift wrapped by the Washington Capitals defense
9. Somebody steals Santa's sleigh from the Madison Square Garden valet parking lot!
8. Stan Fischler is mobbed by dozens of kids at the Nassau Coliseum after they mistake him for that "skinny Santa" from the Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer Christmas special.
7. The referee and the linesmen are now referred to as the "Three Wise Men"
6. Huge pine tree in the middle of the ice makes it awfully hard to complete that two-line pass
5. A "fully trimmed" J.S. Giguere flops into the butterfly position to make a save and the crease gets filled with fallen tinsel and ornaments. Plus, the string of icicle lights hanging off the goal net are already on the fritz!
4. Tie Domi's Christmas card arrives, bringing new meaning to the term "the check is in the mail"!
3. Detroit Red Wings called for "too many men on the ice" penalty when, after a Pavel Datsyuk hat trick, one of the hats thrown from the stands lands on the ice and Frosty The Snowman magically appears the blue line.
2. The Hartford Civic Center Mall has more people in it than the Carolina Hurricanes had at their last home game.
… and the #1 way to tell it's Christmas time in the National Hockey League …
1. Refs start handing out two minute minors for "caroling in the Neutral Zone" and five minute majors for "excessive yuletide cheer!"

See a holiday Top Ten in which the Anaheim Mighty Ducks did not change their name! Although the Mighty Elves would definitely work, especially with Will Ferrell skating center between Fedorov and Sykora… Oh well, on to the other side of the DMZ…

Top 10 Ways To Tell It's New Year's Day In The NHL

10. 10 - 9 - 8 - 7 - 6 - and here comes the goalie to the bench - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1. Happy New Year!
9. Refs are already handing out two minute minors for breaking resolutions
8. The Los Angeles Kings change their name to the Los Angeles Princes and party like it's 1999…
7. That's not a champagne hangover, you've just been hit by Jordin Tootoo!
6. An obviously dazed Eric Lindros is seen wandering aimlessly through Times Square crowd at midnight shouting "The British are coming! The British are coming!"
5. Planes fall from the sky, ATM's stop working and computers all over the world begin to fail… Oops, never mind, we're well past that Y2K scare aren't we?
4. Instituting a new "hurry up face-off", before dropping the puck the ref quickly counts down from 10 to 1
3. I wonder who's older, Dick Clark or Igor Larionov?
2. The ball drops in Times Square but Mike Dunham is there for a kick save and a beaut!
… and the #1 way to tell it's New Year's Day in the National Hockey League …
1. Washington Capitals forward officially changes his name to Robert Auld Lang Syne

Hope you all had a happy Christmas and/or Hannukah and everybody have a happy and safe New Years! 'til next week…

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