Before we get to hockey, we've got a few non-hockey topics to discuss. First off, let's talk about what happened last Sunday. So was that the breast Super Bowl ever or what? Er, better make that the "best" Super Bowl ever, I don't have this column on a two-second delay and I wouldn't want to piss off some sexually repressed Midwesterner by having a "wardrobe malfunction" in the first paragraph of my column. After all, what'll happen next? A streaker running through the News & Notes before the 2nd paragraph begins? Which reminds me of that dude who climbed over the boards in Calgary last year clad only in a red sock. Remember that guy? Fell to the ice, hit his head (the one containing the brain, the other "head" was covered with the sock), knocked himself out cold and had to be carried off the ice on a stretcher! Now that's what I call halftime entertainment…

Now I don't want to go off on a rant here, but Justin Timberlake was obviously still upset that Madonna Tongued Vixen, his ex-Britney that is. So of course he had to top that, choosing the Super Bowl halftime show to go all Mandingo with the help of the sister of a certain accused child molester. Topping "The Tongue", Timberlake made More Tit Visible. Hey Spike Lee, he's got Jungle Fever, eh? So why is everyone in the television industry going crazy over this Chest Bearing Stunt? So what if Janet Jackson (her first name ain't baby, it's Janet and she's nasty!) was Caught with her Breast Showing? I think the National Football League should be thankful they had Janet and not her brother Michael performing at halftime. Lord knows what he would've exposed! Might bring new meaning to the slogan "have a Coke and a smile", eh? Anyway, now that the Puritans have won and we'll have no more Nipples For Life I guess we can look forward to the revival of "Up With People" at next year's Super Bowl. Yeah, "up with people", right up your asses people! That's what I think! Hey Mr. Tagliabue and Mr. Moonves, I here the Barenaked Ladies are playing the Continental Airlines Arena (a.k.a. the place the Nets played before moving to Brooklyn) next week, can I get you a pair of tickets? And I hear now that you've banned Janet from the Grammys on Sundays she's going to sing the National Anthem at the next Devils game instead. Oh, don't worry. There will be no repeat episode of Northern Exposure at the game. After all, nothing gets through the Devils trap!

Ok, I feel better. Can we discuss some hockey now? Well can we at least talk about the Rangers then? Good. Congratulations to Mike Richter who had his #35 retired this past week. Quite a ceremony from what I understand. First they raised Richter's jersey to the rafters at the Worlds Most Famous Arena, then they followed that by sending his jersey from that Wendy's commerical up after it. And if that wasn't enough tribute you should've seen what went up to the top of the Garden catwalks next. Yep, a formaldehyde filled jar containing both of Mike's kneecaps and some soft brain tissue! Incredible what some teams will do to honor their best isn't it? Then after that the fans went crazy and began to party like it was 1999, er better make that 1994…

So what happened on February 2nd this year? Groundhog Day right? Did Punxsetawney Phil Housley come out of the locker room and see his shadow on the ice, meaning it's only 8 more weeks until playoff hockey begins? Or perhaps something got lost in the translation there? Speaking of, maybe instead it was Bill Murray (of the movie "Groundhog Day" fame), who stepped out of his dressing room and saw a shadow of an Oscar statuette being carried away by Sean Penn? Meaning of course, that it's only 4 more weeks until Lord of The Rinks takes the Oscar for Best Hockey Picture? Or will it be a late comeback by "Miracle" that steals the prize? So how many of you actually remember the 1980 Miracle On Ice? I was only 12 then myself, but what really sticks out in my memory is USA goalie Jim Craig standing on the ice after the game ended. Draped in an American flag, and looking up into the stands for his father while his teammates tried to form a big enough pig pile at center ice so the movie poster would look cool in 2004. And if I may digress into Sunday's halftime show once more, let me tell you something Mr. Rock (his first name is Kid, hepatitis C if you're nasty!), that Craig guy sure knew how to accessorize a flag with his clothing. Unlike you, see, draping the flag cape-like is always a better move than going for the "hole in the middle of the red and white stripes" poncho style look. Anyone who watches Queer Eye For The Grunge Guy knows that…

Did I just rant again? Man, what is wrong with me this week? So what else is going on? All Star Game this weekend from Minnesota, who's watching? C'mon, I hear they've learned something from last Sunday's game and they've asked 80's singing star Jermaine Stewart to perform between periods one and two ("We don't have to take our clothes off, to have a good time, no, no."). But just when you thought it was safe, I hear a rumor that during the break between periods two and three, one of the Backstreet Boys is going to accidentally tear off Martin Brodeur's leg pads. Is anything sacred?

And finally before I go, let me just inform our league owners that for the first time ever both of the Sedin twins are now currently on active rosters! Daniel is on the Ferrari Drivers and look alike sibling Henrik is a member of My Toy Pony. So everyone be careful that Charlie and Hanratty don't go trading these two guys for each other without anyone noticing! Or perhaps someone else would care to get involved and make it a three-way? If you do, just be sure it isn't televised! Gotta run and scour the Internet to see if I can get a handle on what's going down at the Pro Bowl halftime show this Sunday! 'til next week…