Then there's another bridge and the really cool guitar riff that we all know and love, and Billy Idol breaks out of the casket and starts pumping his fists around in the air, but that's enough to give you the general picture of where I was trying to go with this song!

Well, speaking of nice days to start again, how happy was Trader Neil when he heard the news that Bill Guerin was out for the season? After getting two injured goalie from The Commish and Kevin (and Turco's still out), Neil was left holding the bag with virtually nothing to show for his trade. Until Bill Guerin, who came over to Stick It Up Your Ice in the Belfour deal, was dealt that season ending blood clot in his thigh! Now if Neil can just find a way to get this Joe Thornton voodoo doll to work correctly! Now Neil, I'm not real sure what you're having trouble with but if I tell you that every night at approximately 9:30 Eastern Standard Time, Brian Rolston's groin feels a slight twinge, would that help you correct things?

Now this next story about a psychotic hockey parent in Long Island (as if the words "psychotic" and "Long Island" needed to be repeated together as they're actually quite redundant, aren't they Fab?) comes to us from the New York Post, a paper always knows for their journalistic integrity! Anyway, read on, here's the scoop:

March 5, 2003 - A Long Island hockey dad who allegedly went beserk during a game, choking a teenage player and throwing a linesman to the ice, could be permanently banned from the league. Robert Schmitt, an Oceanside contractor, was charged with third degree assault following the attack at Syosset's Iceworks rink Friday. The Nassau High School Hockey League is deciding if he'll ever be allowed to watch a league game again. Schmitt became enraged during a match between his teen son's Oceanside team and rival Cold Spring Harbor - in which his son's side was losing 7 - 2. (COMMISH'S NOTE 1: remember the Billy Joel album "Cold Spring Harbor"? But I've got to tell you, "Turnstiles" is my preference, with my favorite Billy Joel song "Summer, Highland Falls"… "They say that these are not the best of times, but they're the only times I've ever known…") During the final seconds of the game, Schmitt allegedly charged onto the ice through the gates as (linesman) Randy Levine and another official were breaking up a fight between two players. An enraged Schmitt grabbed (15 year old) Andrew McAvoy in a stranglehold and then attacked Levine. "This guy comes on the ice, chokes one of the Cold Spring Harbor players (COMMISH'S NOTE 2: Sing it Billy! "… and I believe there is a time for meditation, in cathedrals of our own …"), then threw me onto the ice", said Levine, 47, who said the attacked teen and Schmitt's son had not been involved in the fight he was trying to stop. Levin said Schmitt was "literally dragged off the ice" by a referee and league officials before fleeing in his car - leaving his son behind. (COMMISH'S NOTE 3: "Uh, Dad? You forgot me! Your son? Hey, does anyone have a buck-fifty for a cab?") The Syosset rink's general manager, Robert Thornton, said the incident wasn't the first time cops had been called in to deal with unruly parents at a hockey game. He said a special supervisor was present at every game to manage the parents. (FINAL COMMISH'S NOTE: And this "special supervisor" was where exactly as this fracas is taking place? Oh well, this is Long Island after all! Take it home Mr. Joel; "…Now we are forced to recognize our inhumanity. A reason coexists with our insanity. And though we choose between reality and madness. It's either sadness or euphoria...")

Incredible! See what kind of pressure being an Islander fan can put on someone! And as I'm reading that story I couldn't help but think about the movie Hoosiers and Dennis Hopper's character, Shooter, the embarrassing alcoholic father who ruins his son's basketball games by stumbling out on the court…

And finally, since we're getting near the bottom of the page (and I get charged for each word I type over the limit!), let me just say that I don't think the league standings can get any tighter! We've got two teams tied "up" in first place (Foil Up and Stick It Up), and two Brian's (Boghosian and Legere) sitting just one and two points behind respectively, hoping to move in on "Up" (to the east side! To that deluxe apartment in the sky-y-y!). Then it's a short drop to a 4-team pack, separated by just four points, led by that In The Know Korean, Dave Kang. That's four teams within two points of the top spot, all with plenty of room to go up and down in all the categories, then four teams within four points of each other, for the rest of the money spots, with one of them being left out in the end. "Fore!" Should be a wild finish this final month or so of the season (actually I think it's four weeks we've got left, there's that number again!)… That's all I've got for this week, got to go find a way to cook the books and restate the statistics so they're in my favor and I can come out on the top end of this tie for first! 'til next week…