"Attention everyone, I know you're tired, but we've got to turn it up a notch, this is playoff hockey! I repeat, playoff hockey folks!"… Or at least I think that's how that ESPN commercial goes isn't it? You know, the one with all the televisions on the conveyor belt and all? Anyway, playoff hockey indeed! That means it's the end of the regular season and thus, sadly, the end of yet another Slap Shot Fantasy Hockey League season.

Sorry for the delay in getting this final column of the season out. I was waiting for the first round of the playoffs to finish so I might have something interesting to write about besides the usual "who won, you all owe me money" stuff I usually use the last column of the year for. Well, much to my chagrin the Devils have been eliminated so if I may paraphrase Seinfeld's Soup Nazi, it's "no Cup for you" Devils fans. Of course, coming to find out that New Jersey coach Pat Burns has colon cancer explains everything, doesn't it? I mean, as I said before, this is playoff hockey, and you need a full set of punctuation to be successful this time of year. Lots of exclamation points and very few question marks is usually what gets it done. Throw in a coach with just a semi-colon and the whole thing's just bound to fail…

So I'm watching the Sopranos and I'm thinking that the streets are a lot safer now that Feech Lamanna's been sent back to prison and then along comes the St. Louis Blues Mike Danton! What's up with this? Guy wants to kill his agent and uses a 19 year old girl and a cop to set up the hit? Er, Mike, can I give you a few tips? Perhaps break out The Sopranos DVD's and cue up the episode where Christopher Moltisanti tries to set up a hit with some guys from East Orange? Come on, you played in New Jersey (under another name by the way!), don't go embarrassing us by botching a murder-for-hire scheme. Come on, this is playoff hockey man! Step it up a notch!

OK, we're done with the multi paragraph intro, let's get to the good stuff! Congratulations are long overdue for John Wrobel and Icing Happens, the 2003-2004 Slap Shot Fantasy Hockey League champions! Johnny W wins the league in his rookie season (and exactly how did we all let this happen?) but perhaps more impressive, he breaks the 5 year stranglehold on the title that Foil Up Walt Cherniak and Fargain Brian Boghosian had been trading amongst themselves since the 1998-1999 season! Congratulations John and of course things will be a lot tougher next season, we promise you that…

As this year's winner, John will be the first person to receive the new league trophy that I've recently acquired! At next season's draft, we'll present the trophy to Icing Happens and he'll be able to hold it for a whole season, until the following season's draft, at which time, assuming he doesn't defend his title, he'll pass it along to next season's winner. You're all gonna love this trophy, it's a set of three action figures from the Macfarlane company depicting the Hanson Brothers in action! Click on the link below for a sneak peak (I haven't put all the pieces of ours together yet so I couldn't take a photo) and let me know what you think.

Click here to view the new league trophy

Thanks go out to Kevin Kelly for turning me on to the existence of this fine crafted collectible…

Rounding out the Top Three we see Ron and JR's Phantoms sneak into the 2nd spot with a strong final week. Our Connecticut boys (Go Huskies!) finish just a point ahead of Brian Legere's Canada Dry who had a "not too sweet" finish, settling for the bronze medal despite being in contention for the title with just 4 weeks left. Also finishing "in the money" are Don Cardoza's He-Man Devil Haters Club (4th), Charlie "Hobey" Baker and Joe "The Once and Future Commish" Mastrangelo's My Toy Pony Takes Big Sh*ts (5th), Dave Kang's Koreans Know Hockey (6th) and last year's champion, Walt Cherniak's Foil Up Coach (7th).

Another interesting fact is that for the first time in league history, a different team won each of the seven statistical categories this season! No team won two categories. Usually someone sweeps the goaltending three but not this time. Oh, and despite some prime time gooning up in the 2nd half of the season, Neil Eskow has now gone two seasons without winning his beloved Penalty Minutes category, falling a mere 24 minutes short to Rolie Polie Olli! Anybody care to guess how his draft's going to go next season? Other category winners (at 10 bucks a pop, or approximately 17.50 Canadien if you're feeling "loony") are: Goals, Foil Up Coach; Assists, Taking A Zhitnik, Plus/Minus, He-Man Devil Haters Club; Wins, Koreans Know Hockey; Goals Against Average, The Phantoms and Save Percentage, Icing Happens.

Now, the part I hate, but business is business… PLEASE (I beg you), go to the link listed below and see if you owe me any money! If you do, and if you haven't already done so yet, please send me a check as soon as possible for the amount you owe the league, my address is on the page. I can't pay the winners until I collect from the losers so please do a Jerry Maguire and "show me the money" sometime before the Stanley Cup Finals begin.

Click here for the latest account balances

Or you can click on the "Owner Account Balances" link at the bottom of the COMMISH.COM home page to go to the same place. The page is self explanatory, many of you have seen it before. All the owners, all the leagues, all the money. You'll have to scroll to the far right of the page to see the hockey won/loss amounts for this season. Those of you in multiple leagues of mine, your overall account balance is on the left. Any questions, please contact me. Anyone wishing to carry a balance into the baseball season, please let me know. Anyone needing "special arrangements" for payment please call The Commish's Office and ask to speak with Tie Domi or Peter Worrell. If anyone doesn't contact me and fails to pay me before the Cup Finals are over, I'm sending your address over to Mike Danton's crew…

Quick playoff prediction starting with Round 2. Leafs over Flyers in 6 (as JR and Ronnie from The Phantoms refuse to talk to each other as their favorite teams lock up), Lightning over Canadiens in 7 (Despite Kovalev keeping his hands to himself this time!). In the West it's the Wings over the Flames in 5 and here's my upset, Sharks over the 'Lanche in 7! Conference finals see the Leafs over the Lightning in 6 and the Sharks shock the Red Wings in 6 also. Setting up the Leafs first Stanley Cup in JR's lifetime (I think, he's not that old is he?), as Toronto beats a tired San Jose in just five games.

And now with the annual playoff prediction paragraph done, it's time to say goodbye until next season. Well hopefully there is a "next season". With the collective bargaining agreement up for renewal and an owner lockout looming, I'll hopefully be in touch later in the summer with the details for next season's Draft Day. Tell you what, whether there's hockey or not, I say we meet at Oddfellow's anyway in early October and throw down a few Big Easy burgers and talk about last season? What do you say? So this goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, thanks for yet another wonderful season and thanks again for allowing me to run this league. I hope everyone enjoys playing in it as much as I enjoy being The Commissioner of it. See you all in 5 months, give or take a lockout. 'til next season…